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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

We got the Christmas tree yesterday, and now my wife knows that I was the chief architect working on the leaning tower of Pisa.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

No time like now to start “flossing regularly” before tomorrow’s dental appointment.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Me, with $33 left after paying bills: Let’s see how much a Land Rover costs.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

No revenge, because I don’t even remember what happened.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

Unlike the stomach, the brain doesn’t alert you when it’s empty.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

My funeral better have a bloody merch table.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

Me, adding fuel to the fire: I’m just here to help.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,605

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on X:

Crossing things off my to-do list… I didn’t do them, I just don’t want them on my list anymore.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

The lion doesn’t concern itself with the contents of your prior email.

Going viral on Twitch:

Reverse cowgirl, so we can both address the elephant in the room.

Making waves on TikTok:

The difference between the kids table and the adults table during holiday dinners is that there is much more screaming, crying, and arguing at the adults table.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Babysitting a pair of twin babies right now and feeding them saying “here comes the airplane”. I don’t know, just feels weird.

Shared recently on Discord:

Cocaine is God’s way of telling you that you make too much money.

Going viral on WeChat:

At the airport, and a wife asked her husband, “Where are our seats?” and he responds, “In the airplane.”

Getting my next boyfriend a flip phone. He doesn’t need anything more.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Because if he's a keeper, he can T9 text me with his eyes closed! 📞😂 #OldSchoolCharm"

anything, boyfriend, dating, flip, flip phone, getting, gift, humor, joke, need, next, phone, relationship, simplicity, tech

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If someone asks you why you’re single, just answer with: “Got lucky.”

1 month ago
answer, dating, humor, just, lucky, relationship, response, single, someone
At some point, I need to admit my ‘guilty pleasure’ music taste is just my music taste now.

1 month ago
admit, guilty, guilty pleasure, honesty, humor, i, irony, just, music, music taste, need, personal, personal preference, pleasure, point, preference, relatable, self-awareness, taste
Even wild things have slow mornings.

1 month ago
even, humor, morning, mornings, relatable, slow, slow morning, thing, things, wild, wild thing
I like my bed more than I like most people.

1 month ago
bed, comfort, humor, introvert, people, preference, relationship, sarcasm, sleep
A large group of people is called an “eww, no thank you”

1 month ago
eww, gathering, group, humor, people, social, thank, thank you
My teenager has really expensive taste for someone who can’t afford to buy their own toothpaste.

1 month ago
afford, affordability, buy, expensive, expensive taste, humor, own, parenting, someone, taste, teenager, teenager humor, toothpaste

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, you’re drunk. Ducks don’t talk.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

I drive like I’m immortal.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

Please don’t send me mixed signals, I don’t even understand the clear ones.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

Imagine the carnage at an IKEA team building event.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

The price of groceries has gotten me thinking about what acorns taste like.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

The cool thing about Twitter is you’re never the craziest one.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

Employees should have to take their boss’s last name.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Twitch:

The key to a healthy relationship is taking turns being the sad one.

Going viral on YouTube:

I haven’t worn a trench coat since a random man in his 60s said to me “what are you looking for, detective?”

Making waves on Telegram:

I’ve got the longest to-do list for today, just need to figure out who is going to do it.

Just landed via YouTube:

You ever got inside jokes with yourself, or is that schizophrenia?

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Maybe there’s an alternate universe where onions cry when they chop up humans, you don’t know.

Live now on Instagram:

Do people exist who manage to wash, dry, fold, and put away their laundry in the same day?

Spotted on Telegram:

I’m only an introvert until I meet people worth extroverting with.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Getting my next boyfriend a flip phone. He doesn’t need anything more.

If someone asks you why you’re single, just answer with: “Got lucky.”

At some point, I need to admit my ‘guilty pleasure’ music taste is just my music taste now.

Even wild things have slow mornings.

I like my bed more than I like most people.

My teenager has really expensive taste for someone who can’t afford to buy their own toothpaste.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Some people avoid bacon for the sake of religion. I avoid religion for the sake of bacon.

Of course, because I’m wearing a white shirt, my coffee chose violence.

My children are very helpful. For example, when I ask them to do something, they suggest a different child that could do it instead.

Sometimes it’s not a secret, it’s just none of your business.

Showers are the best places to lose arguments with yourself.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I dream of disappearing into the woods with Wi-Fi.

I miss when men had big hair, louder feelings, and leaned over cars to declare their love.

There should be 1 day a month without commercials.

I see from the back of your car that you have found Jesus, but not your turn signal.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Vote for me and I will halve the calories in chocolate.

Female breasts are nature’s anti-stress balls. The irony is that they are connected to the biggest stress-inducing device.

My mother still has some really ugly things from the 90s. My older brother, for example.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

You can’t stop me. My tampon wrapper told me I was bold and brilliant.

If you respond to my sarcasm with better sarcasm, then I might just catch feelings.

Despite removing all the stains, I still lost my job as a church window cleaner.

I can’t explain how it works, but one day, you just wake up and like sauerkraut.

Elections is like waiting for the results of a biopsy, except half your family hopes it’s cancer.

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Getting my next boyfriend a flip phone. He doesn’t need anything more.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

If someone asks you why you’re single, just answer with: “Got lucky.”

At some point, I need to admit my ‘guilty pleasure’ music taste is just my music taste now.

Even wild things have slow mornings.

I like my bed more than I like most people.

A large group of people is called an “eww, no thank you”

My teenager has really expensive taste for someone who can’t afford to buy their own toothpaste.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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