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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

You should be able to mute someone in real life. Annoying coworker? Silence them for 24 hours by booping them on the nose!

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

A guy in the parking lot saw me trip over my own feet so I yelled to him “I just quantum leaped into this body!”

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

“Machines will soon be as smart as people.” Ok, but which people?

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

My acting reel includes clips of me “listening” during Zoom meetings.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

I think I’ll just sit here and waste oxygen all day.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

You can’t convince me that 2020 didn’t open a portal to hell that we’re still living in.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

I rode around the block on my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

494 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,087

Funny Quotes Topics

17,241

Funny Quotes Images

15,087

Updated

Dec 19, 2025

Users Online

3,948

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Slack:

I didn’t know that Rome wasn’t built in a day. I wasn’t on that job.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Nobody lures you into a gingerbread house in the forest anymore.

Just shared via Reddit:

I like it when it’s raining, because I can hold my umbrella really low and it makes everyone headless.

Going viral on Instagram:

Someone was saying that social media makes you miss out on your real life, but have you seen real life?

Seen just now on X:

Relationship goal: synchronizing our eye rolls.

Shared recently on YouTube:

“It is what it is,” I say, not really knowing what it actually is.

Making waves on Instagram:

Salary week, but salary weak.

God, is there anything worse than when someone wants to show you a video?

3 days ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
In the age of the internet, even opening hearts has a loading time ⏳🙄🎬

annoyance, anything, God, humor, interaction, show, social, social interaction, someone, video, wants, worse

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

One downside of marrying a doctor is you have to give up eating apples.

1 month ago

apple, apples, doctor, downside, eating, food, give, humor, marriage
I’m officially at the age where my favorite thing to do is sit down.

1 month ago

adulthood, age, favorite, favorite thing, humor, relaxation, sit, thing, where
Gender and sexuality aside, I believe everyone just wants someone who wears short shorts and makes a lot of noise in bed.

1 month ago

attraction, bed, believe, desire, everyone, gender, humor, i, just, lot, noise, relationship, sexuality, short, short shorts, shorts, someone, wants
So does everybody have a collection of grocery bags that you keep inside of a grocery bag?

1 month ago

bag, bags, collection, everyday, everyday life, funny observation, grocery, grocery bag, humor, inside, keep, life, observation, organization
The fine art of sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong.

5 months ago

art, curiosity, fine, humor, meddling, nose, sticking, where
You should be allowed to speed if good music is playing.

1 month ago

allowed, driving, enjoyment, fun, good, humor, music, playing, rules, should, speed

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

There’s nothing like sitting by an open fire and watching the evidence burn.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

You ever have one of those days that require the use of both of your middle fingers?

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

Imagine how loud a centipede would be if they wore tiny little flip flops.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

I never finish what I start. I have a black belt in partial arts.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

I wish I was mysterious, but unfortunately I just can’t keep my mouth shut.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

If I got $5 every time I thought of you, I would start thinking of you.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

“Thank you for choosing Amtrak.” No problem. There are no other trains.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on YouTube:

So, if you are too tired to speak, sit next to me, because I am fluent in silence.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I should’ve been a crow. They get to fly around looking goth as hell and seeking retribution. Instead, I have to go to an office and work on my ‘people skills.’

Live now on Instagram:

I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.

Shared recently on WeChat:

The only way three people can keep a secret is if two of them are dead.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

The more attention you get on this website, the less you enjoy being on it.

Broadcasted on X:

You’re not going to believe this, but I was doing really well, and then your email found me.

Trending via Pinterest:

To everyone I’ve wronged this year. Next year same time, same place.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

God, is there anything worse than when someone wants to show you a video?

One downside of marrying a doctor is you have to give up eating apples.

I’m officially at the age where my favorite thing to do is sit down.

Gender and sexuality aside, I believe everyone just wants someone who wears short shorts and makes a lot of noise in bed.

So does everybody have a collection of grocery bags that you keep inside of a grocery bag?

The fine art of sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong.

You should be allowed to speed if good music is playing.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Two mysterious people live in my house. “Somebody” and “Nobody.” Somebody did it and nobody knows who.

I don’t rise and shine. I caffeinate and hope.

Ladies, don’t date hungry guys. They’re just trying to get into your pantries.

I’m so single right now that I stood on a cliff and shouted, “I love you,” and my echo replied, “I just wanna be friends.”

And so ends another week without me getting rich unexpectedly.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Life is giving me no lemons. It’s throwing watermelons.

A toddler can do more in one unsupervised minute than most people can do all day.

Made my last mortgage payment. Yay! I still owe a lot, I’m just not paying anymore.

Miso soup is such a silly name, like “Yes, you so soup.”

Waking up early is always beneficial. You just gotta make it past those first 10 minutes of being irritated.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Coding: Where incessantly talking to yourself seems completely normal and debugging is like being a detective in a movie where you are both the detective and the perpetrator.

Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.

I wonder how many calories I can burn petting my cat.

So excited to go to bed and have the worst sleep of my life, and wake up exhausted and aching.

The only reason I insist on returning to the office is because my cat needs a break from me staring at him all day.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.

My bank assures me my money is safe with them, yet they keep their pens chained to desks and most of them are missing.

Me pulling into a full parking lot: Don’t these people have homes?

It’s a beautiful day to ignore your existing problems and create new ones.

When younger I would walk up to the counter and the bartender would know me by name. Now it’s my pharmacist.

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God, is there anything worse than when someone wants to show you a video?

Related Funny Posts 🤝

One downside of marrying a doctor is you have to give up eating apples.

I’m officially at the age where my favorite thing to do is sit down.

Gender and sexuality aside, I believe everyone just wants someone who wears short shorts and makes a lot of noise in bed.

So does everybody have a collection of grocery bags that you keep inside of a grocery bag?

The fine art of sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong.

You should be allowed to speed if good music is playing.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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