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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

Someone has left me a voicemail. I don’t know what to do. Open the phone app? The contacts? Do I turn on the TV?

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need a special occasion to buy a cake.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

Valentine’s Day is a stupid and made up holiday unless someone wants to give me a present in which case I really believe in celebrating it.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

Getting an entry-level job before the release of ChatGPT in 2022 was like taking the last chopper out of Vietnam. Few realize this yet.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

If you smoke pot in Saudi Arabia, you risk getting stoned.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

When I become president, any public holiday that falls on a Thursday automatically extends to Friday.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Common sense isn’t a gift. It’s a punishment, because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

“You look tired!” Bro, I want to stop existing.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

Not right now. I’m manifesting.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,567

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Threads:

We must all do our part for the planet. The other day I unplugged a row of electric cars nobody was using.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Your fingers have fingertips, but your toes don’t have toetips. Yet, you can tiptoe but not tipfinger.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

The art of today’s art is to persuade people that it’s art.

Seen just now on Threads:

I had a sex dream last night that felt so real, I’m just gonna go ahead and add it to my body count.

Spotted on TikTok:

I took a test to see if I have multiple personalities. I scored 100%, 92% and 88%.

Going viral on Messenger:

Never underestimate the healing power of a grilled cheese sandwich.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Not to brag but I am evidence of things unseen.

Seen just now on X:

I’ve never been kissed under the cameltoe or whatever it’s called.

Going viral on Threads:

I’m at that age where someone can call me the wrong name and I’m just like “whatever, I’ll be Dan for a minute”.

Just shared via X:

If we keep saving daylight, daylight will never learn to save itself.

Going to have a hobbit boi summer (throw a huge birthday party for myself, then mysteriously vanish right after insulting everyone).

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like the ultimate party trick: drop the mic and disappear like Frodo after a sweet 111! 🥳🎤✌️✨

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Gordon Ramsay is making us dinner. It’s a four curse meal.

0

2 months ago

chef, cooking, curse, dinner, gordon, Gordon Ramsay, humor, making, meal, ramsay
If my TV’s so smart then why doesn’t it slap me when I turn on the news?

0

2 months ago

humor, i, irony, me, news, sarcasm, slap, smart, technology, turn, TV
How to have flat stomach: remove all of your organs.

0

2 months ago

advice, diet, funny advice, health, humor, joke, loss, organs, stomach, weight, weight loss
Are you coming to the party? There will be noise and lights but I found a corner for us to hide.

0

2 months ago

activity, coming, corner, escape, event, found, fun, fun activity, hide, hiding, humor, i, lights, noise, party, social, social event, us
I don’t understand, “kill them with kindness”; can I use a lightsaber instead?

0

4 weeks ago

humor, i, joke, kill, kindness, lightsaber, pun, star, Star Wars, understand, wars
Me in hell: “So did it hurt when you fell from heaven.” Lucifer: “Get out!”

0

1 month ago

fall, heaven, hell, humor, hurt, joke, line, Lucifer, me, pickup, pickup line

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

26 shares on Messenger this month:

Whoever came up with a 30 minute lunch break needs a 30 minute beating.

65 shares on Threads this month:

People who accuse me of delusions of grandeur, obviously don’t worship me enough.

96 shares on X this month:

Rare earth, this rare earth, that. There’s nothing more rare on this earth than affordable housing in a walkable neighborhood.

79 shares on Telegram this month:

Talking to animals doesn’t make you crazy, hearing them talk back does.

72 shares on Telegram this month:

Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves while he does.

83 shares on Snapchat this month:

I know it’s traditional to start work at 9, but I think we could lower that age to 8.

96 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t understand why bugs come inside when they have a whole outside to themselves.

67 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m either freezing, peeing, or starving.

23 shares on TikTok this month:

I went from dancing with myself in the 80s to talking to myself now.

31 shares on Telegram this month:

I don’t care if I’m standing in the window, if I said I ain’t home, I ain’t home.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

I rode around the block on my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

Typos is the Greek god of spelling errors.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

Almonds are a scam. They are wood. You are eating wood.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

I’m proud of myself because, despite having so many expenses, I still manage to add more.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

If every day is a gift, today is socks.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

My first rodeo and my last rodeo were the same rodeo.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

My only plan for this weekend is to move just enough so the people don’t think I’m dead.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Let’s tell the truth cell phone. I don’t have six missed calls. I have six ignored calls.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

Oh no, a login from a new device? And that device is my phone? The one that I use every single day? And the location is my house, you say? Thank you so much for warning me. I will contact Interpol.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

When I dance, people say it reminds them of a wild dog chasing its tail.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Twitch:

My dad called my philosophy degree a “license for unemployment.”

Broadcasted on Telegram:

When you’re late for work, you gotta walk in fast and act like you’re mad.

Just landed via TikTok:

I miss when The Weeknd was making sex-addict-on-drugs music.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Teach a man to fish, and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach your kid about stingrays, and he will pretend to sting you all afternoon.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Does my career know that I’m pursuing it, or is it another one-sided relationship?

Seen just now on Slack:

Milk teeth are wasted on children. A new set of teeth would be a lot more useful when you’re older.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

One of the most embarrassing things in the world: walking downhill.

Just landed via Threads:

Girls will be like “it’s fine” then start drawing a pentagram in blood on their floorboards.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I don’t wanna be dramatic but the work week continuously restarting is literally ruining my life.

Freshly posted on Discord:

My future husband is very lucky; he will never stay hungry, because I know so many restaurants with delicious food.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Going to have a hobbit boi summer (throw a huge birthday party for myself, then mysteriously vanish right after insulting everyone).

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Gordon Ramsay is making us dinner. It’s a four curse meal.

If my TV’s so smart then why doesn’t it slap me when I turn on the news?

How to have flat stomach: remove all of your organs.

Are you coming to the party? There will be noise and lights but I found a corner for us to hide.

I don’t understand, “kill them with kindness”; can I use a lightsaber instead?

Me in hell: “So did it hurt when you fell from heaven.” Lucifer: “Get out!”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨