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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

How do I get one of those fake corporate jobs where I work remotely, get paid for responding to one email a day, and have a laptop on with Outlook or whatever open?

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

Me, gently telling my kids that I ate the rest of the ice cream: Your dad ate the rest of the ice cream.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Y’all ever withheld good news so that it remains untouched by negativity?

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

The secret to being a private person is to overshare dumb shit so people think you are an open book but then not tell them any of the important details of your life.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Do you all introverts ever open a text and think, ‘I’ll reply when I have the energy,’ and then it’s three weeks, and you have to live with the guilt of being a horrible friend.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

This entire year I was method acting. None of it was real. I was working on a bit.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 50s, there’s a wrong way to stretch now.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

I’m not saying I need glasses. But today I watched a bunny in a meadow until it flew away.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

I wait all week for the weekend just to aggressively do nothing in five different outfits.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today, I need to be chased through the woods by a machete-wielding maniac.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Jan 7, 2026

3,437

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Bison may look friend-shaped, but they already have all the friends they want. Keep your distance and don’t make it awkward.

Live now on Slack:

Stealing hoodies is for amateurs. Steal his car like a real woman.

Just shared via Slack:

Plot twist: the universe is waiting for you to give it a sign.

Going viral on Instagram:

Fun fact: the creator of Barbie and the creator of Hot Wheels were husband and wife.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

I am like a wildflower, a quiet rebellion blooming through ruins and dust.

Just shared via TikTok:

When you split a dessert, the waiter should bring two forks and one of those chess clocks you smack to let the other person know it’s their turn.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.

Spotted on Messenger:

The lion can’t keep living like this.

Just landed via Messenger:

If you have nothing nice to say, I promise you that I’ll have something even worse to say back.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Gonna toot my own horn here because I made it through another day without turning any of my feelings into felonies.

Going to the gym for my health and wellbeing? No, I just wanna look good naked.

2 months ago

0

Going to the gym for my health and wellbeing? No, I just wanna look good naked.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Skipping broccoli for the abs project, because who needs kale when you’ve got mirror motivation? 🍫🏋️‍♂️🙈

appearance, fitness, going, good, gym, health, humor, i, just, motivation, naked, wellbeing

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

When I finally snap it’ll be because I had to type my email address in on the TV.

0

2 months ago

address, annoyance, email, frustration, humor, i, technology, TV, type, typing
They should make a tanning bed that constantly rolls you over like a gas station hotdog.

0

2 months ago

bed, constant, constant roll, funny idea, gas, gas station, hotdog, humor, idea, invention, over, roll, rolls, should, station, tanning, tanning bed
My birthday wish is for everyone to ignore my birthday.

0

2 months ago

birthday, celebration, everyone, humor, ignore, self-deprecation, wish
Just blocked everyone who is not in my gang so if you’re reading this, we’re robbing a bank in 12 minutes.

0

2 months ago

12, adventure, bank, block, blocked, everyone, friendship, gang, heist, humor, just, minutes, planning, reading, robbery
You’ll never be as lazy as the person who named the fireplace.

0

2 months ago

fireplace, humor, irony, lazy, naming, never, person, procrastination
Be nice to your children’s teachers. Especially elementary ones, cause kids have loose lips and that teacher has all the dirt on you.

0

2 months ago

advice, children, dirt, elementary, humor, kids, lip, loose, loose lip, nice, parenting, teacher

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

11 shares on TikTok this month:

Crazy to think that even after all of these years the Titanic’s pool still has water in it.

16 shares on TikTok this month:

Welcome to your fifties. Saturday Night Fever now means lots of rest, cold medicine, and chicken noodle soup.

48 shares on TikTok this month:

My plan is to die young as late as possible.

48 shares on YouTube this month:

I’ll find a cell mate before I’ll ever find a soulmate.

29 shares on Telegram this month:

When I say, “I have to be someplace,” what I mean is, “I want to go home.”

19 shares on Pinterest this month:

When your electric toothbrush dies, it becomes a regular toothbrush. Don’t freak out. Just calm down and remember your training.

13 shares on YouTube this month:

Next month is May. May all the money come to me.

54 shares on TikTok this month:

A Monday every week is excessive.

61 shares on WeChat this month:

If you see me looking zoned out, it’s because I’m having a therapy session with myself in my head.

15 shares on Facebook this month:

Don’t worry. There is still hope for the summer: the rain should get warmer soon.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I did 30 minutes of chores, time for a 7-hour break.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I get so embarrassed for no reason after posting on social media, like, why am I showing my life?

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Every night, millions of teeth go unbrushed.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Girls who leave clothing reviews with their height, weight, and size ordered are going to heaven.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Zoom is really only for one thing: realizing our dream of staring at ourselves while talking to other people.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

“It’s the most wonderful crime of the year!” I crooned running away with the pot of Santa’s donations.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

People who take two steps on the stairs are both active and lazy at the same time.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

A bathrobe is being naked with plausible deniability and pockets.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

A female will ghost you, and the whole time she is waiting for you to text back again.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I think I’m closer to retirement than to a relationship.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,454

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

It’s almost time to put winter tires on the struggle bus.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

“You’re always sleeping!” God forbid a girl wants to be unconscious.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

Dear phone, if you didn’t light up so many times to tell me you had a low battery, you wouldn’t have died so quickly!

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Pinky promises are still a legit foundation of trust.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Seeing a beautiful woman drink her beer is like witnessing an angel take flight.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

My favorite part about talking to my teens is when they give me direct eye contact, listen intently, nod understandingly and then do the exact opposite of what I just said.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

The gaps in my resume are from the space bar.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

Your twenties are for destroying and betraying yourself for nothing.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

My neighbor won’t stop talking about his Rolex and I can’t believe someone stole it tomorrow.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

Paid my rent and slept in every room of my house this week, kitchen and laundry room next.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

Someone asked me how much I spend on a bottle of wine. 30 minutes was not the right answer.

Going viral on Discord:

Keep your friends close, but your smartphone closer.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Sorry I’m late. I was scraping the clearance tag off your Christmas present.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Oxygen was discovered in 1773. How did our ancestors breathe before then?

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Today’s toddlers can switch on laptops and use apps. When I was little, I ate sand.

Spotted on Instagram:

How to write complaints: “Dear customer service, first of all, you should know that I am typing this with my middle finger.”

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Gonna vibe recklessly and call it “character development”

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Not to brag, but I drove and found a place I was looking for without turning down my music today.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Some 100 private jets will fly to Venice for Jeff Bezos’ wedding, and I recycle yoghurt cup lids.

Just landed via Telegram:

You don’t scare me. I used to have to call and ask a girl’s parents if she was there.

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