Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

If you listen closely, you can hear me not caring.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

If you have children, you can experience all human emotions before 9 a.m. on Sundays.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

I’m like a candle: I’m cute, I smell nice, and there’s a pretty good chance I’ll set your curtains on fire if left unattended.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

We should bring gargoyles back, more buildings need freaky little guys on them.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

My muffin top has become a full blown birthday cake.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

Dear Math, I don’t want to solve your problem, I have my own problems to solve.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Fitbits are just Tamagotchis, except the stupid animal you’re trying to keep alive is you.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

Self-care is putting your face on a very soft cat.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

Watching “Dirty Dancing” as a teenager: Damn right, no one puts Baby in a corner. Watching “Dirty Dancing” as an adult: This girl is a brat and needs a lesson.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1786 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,948

Funny Quotes Topics

14,755

Funny Quotes Images

11,948

Updated

3 minutes ago

Users Online

3,454

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Messenger:

I didn’t really feel old until my doctor hit me with the “at your age…”

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Sometimes I just stand in the sun and stare at nothing, like a dog.

Just shared via Facebook:

I just tried to poach an egg and I now understand why Eggs Benedict is $23

Seen just now on TikTok:

Chip bags should be clear, show me what you want me to pay $6 for, cowards.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I can melt an ice cube just by staring at it. It takes a while, but I can do it.

Trending via LinkedIn:

If your first child is uncomplicated, then it’s a trick of nature to get you to have a second child. The second will be an unpredictable bundle of energy that seems to get by without sleep.

Making waves on Slack:

I hope the babies I was born with at the hospital are doing good.

Live now on Pinterest:

I’m having an orange, and the dogs keep looking at me like, “stop eating that ball, dude.”

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Second day without coffee. I can no longer hear out of my left eye.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I prefer my weighted blanket in human form.

Gonna break into your house, toast all your bread and put it back in the bag.

Gonna break into your house, toast all your bread and put it back in the bag.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, if a bread burglar is going to break into my house, they better be ready to face some serious consequences – soggy toast just won't cut it! 🍞🕵️‍♂️ Better hide your toaster and lock up your pantry, folks!

, , , , , , , , , , , ,

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes
Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1786 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,948

Funny Quotes Topics

14,755

Funny Quotes Images

11,948

Updated

3 minutes ago

Users Online

3,428

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

Just got some minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

I be skipping everyone’s stories but watch mine like 20 times.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

My life is just a series of awkward moments separated by snacks.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

If my family starts talking politics at Thanksgiving, I’m changing the subject by announcing I’m pregnant.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

I’m always looking for new and exciting ways to give up.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

The fact that I have more clothes to sleep in than I do to go out in says a lot about who I am as a person.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

I wonder if Van Halen realized they were writing music just to lift weights to.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

Phone addiction got so bad that watching a movie feels productive.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

Some people are living proof that brain failure does not immediately lead to death.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

I’m at the age where, if you ask me to go out after 9 p.m., I’m definitely not coming.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Save tons of money on a weighted blanket by sleeping under the mattress.

Spotted on Reddit:

When you meet twins, demand to speak with the one in charge.

Seen just now on Threads:

When your kids embarrass you in public, the only way out is to turn away in disgust and mutter loudly, “Who raised you?”

Making waves on Discord:

Every homemade dinner counts as negative calories because of the exercise we get waving pillows at the smoke detectors.

Just landed via TikTok:

If I were God, I’d tell everyone that I created the animals and that I don’t know what happened after that.

Just landed via Facebook:

Worst part about not buying snacks so you won’t eat snacks is not having snacks when you need a lil snack.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

We can do things one of two ways. My way or my other way.

Going viral on Instagram:

Dating again after you break up with a long-term partner is like dying in a video game and ending up back at the start to do it all again, except with less health.

Just shared via Instagram:

I’m not even sure what I’m doing on this planet.

Trending via WeChat:

I’m a total go with the flow kinda person as long as the flow is meticulously scheduled well in advance and there are no mid-flow changes whatsoever.

Share Wordgag 🙏

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴