Guy in front of me at the movies was reading the popcorn Wikipedia page while he was eating popcorn.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

I am not responsible for what my face does when you talk.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

I’ve broken all my New Year’s Resolutions so now I’m moving on to laws of nature.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Limiting my replies to introverts, wizards, freaks and vampires only.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

The real advantage of being self-employed is that you don’t have to go to a Christmas party.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

Feelings are like children. You don’t want them driving the car, but you shouldn’t stuff them in the trunk either.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

My desire to be informed is currently at odds with my desire to remain sane.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

Waiting patiently for something good to happen, like that goat in Jurassic Park.

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Mirror, mirror on the wall, why so many fingerprints?

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

I call my smoke detector Gordon Ramsay, because every time I cook it screams at me.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

I may have bags under my eyes, but they’re Versace.