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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

I have been so toxic and horny lately, I should probably start, like, reading a book or something.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

It’s crazy I need a certificate to prove I was born when you can literally just look at me.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

Welcome to adulthood. Everyone’s tired here.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

Cops wake up Christmas morning excited as hell to ignore their family and go sit on the highway with a radar gun for 10 hours.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

Not being able to fall asleep is so embarrassing. All I’m asking my brain to do is nothing and it can’t even do that?

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

When I eat rotisserie chicken, I like to pretend that I’m performing an autopsy.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

Gordon Ramsay is only funny because he’s not talking to me like that.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

I think this man might be the one, I say right before he dumps me and I never hear from him again.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

You’d be surprised how many times you can use the word succulent in a work email.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

Is there a bravery award I can nominate my son for as he managed to eat his toast despite the fact I cut it wrong.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,499

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Grab your own butt! Love yourself!

Trending via Pinterest:

You can say “Have a nice day,” no problem, but saying “Enjoy the next 24 hours” sounds vaguely threatening.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

What’s a positive thought for beginners? I’ve been getting into optimism lately.

Just shared via YouTube:

Stop trying to be liked by everybody. You don’t even like everybody.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I might look calm, but in my head I’ve punched you in the face three times.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Babe, are you ok? You’ve barely talked about the horrors of being alive.

Making waves on TikTok:

You can’t truly refer to yourself as an adult until you catch yourself getting really angry when the grocery store changes their layout.

Making waves on Facebook:

I’m in my thirties, but I still feel like I am in my twenties; then I hang out with people in their twenties, and I’m like nope, definitely in my thirties.

Just landed via Messenger:

Called in, “I can either stay home today and learn to play this accordion or bring it in with me. Your call.”

Just shared via Discord:

Kids don’t love anything as much as they love arguing with each other.

Gyms are empty because they’re all on weight loss drugs.

5 days ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous quote about gyms being empty due to weight loss drugs.

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Commentary:
Looks like gym equipment is finally getting a break while the drug bottles are breaking a sweat! 🏋️‍♂️💊😆

drug, drugs, empty, empty gym, fitness, gym, humor, loss, weight, weight loss

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43 shares on Twitch this month:

According to my skin, hair, lips, and hands, I am doing Dry January.

46 shares on YouTube this month:

20’s: what even is a hangover? 40’s: puts on sunglasses to open fridge…

61 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Smash Mouth was so right, the years really do start coming and they don’t stop coming.

58 shares on Telegram this month:

My unemployed neighbor with an unlimited firework budget would like to wish everyone a happy 9th of July.

74 shares on Instagram this month:

Will someone please make me drink some water and limit my screen time?

94 shares on TikTok this month:

HR: “Please complete our anonymous survey.” My boss then later: “Don’t forget the survey, HR said you are the last one from our team.”

86 shares on Instagram this month:

Chuck Norris can rub two fires together to get a piece of wood.

78 shares on TikTok this month:

I get it, orcas. Sometimes you just need to ruin a yacht to feel something.

82 shares on TikTok this month:

Remember when we had to smack the TV cause it wasn’t coming in clearly? I feel that way about too many people.

43 shares on Reddit this month:

You want me to sit in the back seat? The thing that killed JFK?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

The IRS needs special envelopes for when you’re not in trouble.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

Sex is cool but have you ever had your bed all to yourself.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

This is not what adulthood looked like in the brochure.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

I don’t follow washing instructions, you’re my clothes you don’t tell me what to do.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

I like when the superheroes that can fly pick up and carry the ones that can’t.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

My Indian name would be “Stares at Phone All Day.”

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

Due to rising prices, Dollar Tree is changing their name to ‘Tree Fiddy’.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

I could easily win an Oscar, I just have other things going on right now.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

The Gulf of Mexico should’ve been renamed to Sea Señor.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

That gap between Christmas and New Year’s when you can’t tell what day of the week it is.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Threads:

The adult in the room just addressed the elephant in the room.

Going viral on Threads:

I alway get the same thing every year for Christmas. Fat!

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

A little friendly reminder that if somebody looks tired, you really don’t have to tell them.

Freshly posted on X:

Does bisexual mean twice as sexual or once every other sexual?

Making waves on Facebook:

Please don’t take illegal substances. Or at least, don’t take MY illegal substances.

Seen just now on Slack:

If you wave your keys in front of a giant house, people will think you own it.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

For Halloween, you should be mine.

Breaking via Snapchat:

If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s being annoyed by stupidity.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Spotted on Slack:

Technically, all restaurants are drive-thru, it just depends how committed to the task you are.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Gyms are empty because they’re all on weight loss drugs.

Being a woman is wild. I just cried, cleaned the house, had a snack, had a bath, and now I’m fine.

I hate the saying: “Get up, the sun is shining!” What am I supposed to do? Photosynthesis?

Wondering when these skinny jeans are gonna kick in.

If I ever have a daughter, I’m going to call her Erica, but spell it Airwrecka.

I’m not exaggerating when I say, if I ever clogged a toilet at work, I would immediately quit, change my name, and then move to a different city.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Gyms are empty because they’re all on weight loss drugs.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Being a woman is wild. I just cried, cleaned the house, had a snack, had a bath, and now I’m fine.

I’m at the age where, if you ask me to go out after 9 p.m., I’m definitely not coming.

I hate the saying: “Get up, the sun is shining!” What am I supposed to do? Photosynthesis?

Wondering when these skinny jeans are gonna kick in.

If I ever have a daughter, I’m going to call her Erica, but spell it Airwrecka.

I’m not exaggerating when I say, if I ever clogged a toilet at work, I would immediately quit, change my name, and then move to a different city.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨