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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

If my fingers don’t motion like scissors snipping when I ask for a haircut at the salon, how will they know what I mean?

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

I love when the restaurant bathroom has different music playing than the restaurant. It’s like I’m going to Club Pee Pee.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

I set my alarms extra early to make sure I have enough time to lay in bed and be angry about having to wake up.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

My son was praying for “everybody in the world.” If you suddenly start experiencing good fortune, you’re welcome.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

I automatically assume everyone finds me unattractive until they tell me otherwise, and then I assume that they are lying to make fun of me.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

Calling women “bro” to make sure they know they’re in the deepest trenches of the friend zone.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

The list of women who haven’t slept with me is really impressive.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

I’m addicted to following the rules I made up. And also breaking the rules I made up.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me, I’m gonna say “I’m a puncher” and see how it goes.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Why would I want a memory pillow? Sleep is where I go to forget.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,705

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via YouTube:

Just shaved my whole body for Santa.

Spotted on Snapchat:

The sound of rain outside when you’re in bed is elite.

Trending via Snapchat:

You got a better chance getting chased by a dog than by me.

Just shared via YouTube:

Buying something nice for myself, cuz today would’ve been my birthday if I was born today.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I wonder how many people think, “What the hell?” after talking to me.

Going viral on Messenger:

Traffic is the fault of the guy immediately in front of you.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I want Wolverine claws. Not for violence or anything. I want them for easing my way through reality. Like opening an Amazon package.

Making waves on Twitch:

You may think no one is there for you, but there’s laundry. Laundry is always there for you.

Live now on Threads:

If you wanna make someone cry, just show them the earliest year they can retire.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Your call is really important to us but first enjoy this clarinet number for the next seventy five minutes.

Half of Twitter is horny, half is depressed, and the other half don’t know how to do math.

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Half of Twitter is horny, half is depressed, and the other half don’t know how to do math.
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Commentary:
Trying to solve Twitter math while feeling both cute and existential 🤔😂 #MathIsHard 📉✨

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

27 shares on X this month:

Actually, men should take the pill. It makes more sense to unload the gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.

11 shares on LinkedIn this month:

In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place wieners and/or cheese slices in your pockets, so the search dogs will find you first.

99 shares on Instagram this month:

Nobody shoots annoying people into the sun anymore and that’s why there are so many of them left on earth.

79 shares on WeChat this month:

The worst part about being drunk and seeing double is when you realize it’s just one slice of pizza.

21 shares on X this month:

The only thing worse than a nightmare is waking up from a great dream before you get to see how it ends.

92 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m actually breaking generational curses by surviving my 20s without marrying a man who hates me.

94 shares on X this month:

Every McDonald’s should have a flag they fly at half mast when the ice cream machine is down.

32 shares on X this month:

It’s actually quite simple: I don’t want to eat less, I just want to weigh less.

13 shares on Twitch this month:

I am convinced that some of you are failed experiments that gained sentience and escaped from a lab.

53 shares on X this month:

Imagine hating me and i’m just over here doing a much better job at hating myself than any of y’all could do.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Humanity doesn’t always make a compelling case for its continued existence.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Please do not test me. I’ve been saving up my rage like PTO.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

First date idea: you transfer me all your crypto.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

The food hits different when it ain’t yours.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Once again, I have fallen for life’s biggest scam: being two hours early for a flight only for security to take roughly seven minutes.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m a go with the flow kind of gal unless the flow is after 9pm or involves parallel parking.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I see people my age out there climbing mountains and skydiving, and here I am feeling good about myself because I got my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

My kids acting shocked there’s ants in my car like they’re not Hansel and Gretel leaving bloody crumb trails.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

When I hear the word “horror”, the first thing I think of is bills, not Halloween.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Your childhood wasn’t complete unless you were chased by a dog… or a goat… or even worse, a chicken.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,760

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

If I had a boyfriend, I’d watch him dig a hole at the beach and be like, “Wowww, baby, good job. That’s a beautiful hole.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

Wrapping gifts on the floor after 50: 1% holiday spirit, 99% figuring out how to stand up without calling for help.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

I was explaining to my Ukrainian colleague the phrase ‘There’s no such thing as a free lunch’. She told me the equivalent in Ukrainian is ‘The only free cheese is in the mousetrap’ — which is so much better.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

My superpower is to wake up more tired than I was when I fell asleep.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

I don’t remember if I was 43 or 44 before my birthday, so now I don’t know if I’m 44 or 45. That’s your 40’s.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

I love admitting when I’m wrong, because it gives me a break from always being right, like finally.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

I want a restraining order on everyone who doesn’t wear deodorant.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

I miss my bed. Why does it have to be so far from where I work?

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

Teens be like, “You know that crumbled up piece of paper that’s been on the table all week? I need it for school.”

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

My husband and I are doing a workshop. He works and I’ll shop.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on TikTok:

I probably think this song is about me.

Making waves on Discord:

Welcome to your 40s. “I’m too old for this shit” is now your excuse and explanation for everything.

Just shared via Threads:

Metallica’s “Nothing Else Matters” is my favorite song about that 5 minutes of sleep before the alarm goes off.

Shared recently on X:

Oh, Amazon, no. Please do not tell me how many packages I had delivered this year; that is none of my business.

Trending via Instagram:

It’s really hard to come back after a poorly executed high five.

Just landed via Messenger:

Every time you rub your eyes, they should change color a little.

Trending via Threads:

I’m planning to save money on Christmas gifts this year by wrapping up all the toys my toddler dropped behind the couch.

Just landed via Twitch:

I decided not to go for a run today because of the weather, but mostly because of the running.

Just shared via Instagram:

Discovering the Spice Girls broke up not over money and fame but lesbianism.

Making waves on Pinterest:

You need a twins name suggestion? How about Kate and DupliKate?

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