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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

There are days when trying to control your class is like trying to hug a tornado.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

No, I’m not depressed. I’m sure there’s just something wrong with the planets or stars or something.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

I broke up with the gym. We were just not working out.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

Whoever is dating my ex, all I can say is: cheat first!

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

I modeled my morning routine on the humble rooster. Wake up, scream, wander around.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore. When you swim in the sea and an eel bites your knee, that’s a moray.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

I don’t think anything good will ever happen again until people feel bad about being stupid again.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

It seems really unfair that my future depends on me.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

“I’m basically the human version of finding $20 in old jeans.”

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

Girlfriend says because we got Chinese yesterday, we can’t get it again today. I don’t think that makes sense. They do it in China all the time.

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Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

My morning routine consists of talking myself out of quitting my job.

Just landed via TikTok:

Women love asking you questions about the movie you both are watching.

Trending via X:

I enjoy excess, but only in moderation.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Hike in groups. Bears like to have options.

Just shared via Slack:

I hope this is the year my teen learns how to turn off a light when she leaves a room.

Just landed via WeChat:

Not going is the new leaving early.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

And for my next trick, I’m going to make this first date the last date.

Trending via Pinterest:

I told my computer I needed a break, now it sends me reminders to stretch while I’m lying on the couch.

Trending via Discord:

Going to a wedding really reminds me of the important things in life. Like cake.

Trending via Messenger:

Nobody gives me butterflies anymore. Y’all just give me brain damage.

Half of Twitter is horny, half is depressed, and the other half don’t know how to do math.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
Trying to solve Twitter math while feeling both cute and existential 🤔😂 #MathIsHard 📉✨

depressed, half, horny, humor, joke, know, math, media, social, social media, Twitter

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91 shares on Telegram this month:

Since the beginning of time itself, people have been wondering, what the hell is going on?

38 shares on Threads this month:

If you ever get attacked by a shark, just be a good sport about it and let it eat you. Hey, look on the bright side: It’s a rare occurrence, so you’re special.

26 shares on X this month:

There’s a rhyming Italian expression for saying “take it or leave it” that goes “o mangi questa minestra o salti dalla finestra”. It means “either eat this soup or throw yourself out the window”.

78 shares on X this month:

Remember when we were young and said “I’ll sleep when i’m older”? Well, now we can’t when we want to.

73 shares on Messenger this month:

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

33 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I regret to inform you that we must all once again figure out what to make for dinner tonight.

23 shares on Telegram this month:

Every Reddit relationship post is like “My husband dropped a big piano on my head and when I emerged from the rubble my teeth had been replaced by the keys. Am I in the wrong?”

61 shares on TikTok this month:

He probably follows so many women because he believes in elevating their voices.

95 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I put my music on shuffle then get mad when it doesn’t play the song I want.

80 shares on Slack this month:

It’s Friday. I ran out of small talk on Tuesday. Please leave me alone.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

Getting a wax is wild, like you really just be bust open talking to the lady like it’s nothing.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

Sex is so embarrassing. Like, why did I want to do that to you?

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

Your soul is out of balance because you have fallen out of touch with your consumer demographic. Pay more attention to your personalized ads, let them flow through you.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

The human body is incredible. It’s like, “Oh, you’re stressed and sad? Here, enjoy this acne.”

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

I want to learn scuba diving but I’m terrified of the orchestral music in underwater documentaries.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Whoever said it was okay to let your pets sleep in your bed, thanks a lot, now my goldfish is dead.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

Definitely thought I’d be solving mysteries and unmasking ghosts in a van with a dog by this point in my life.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

Sitting in a room with my husband and kids… Suddenly I realize everyone here has been in my vagina. Wow.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

Doc, if I can vibecode anything and everyone else can vibecode anything, then what’s my competitive advantage?

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Reddit:

Getting a nose ring, so I don’t lose my keys.

Live now on Telegram:

It seems really unfair that my future depends on me.

Spotted on Messenger:

Dating outside of your education bracket leads to misunderstandings and arguments.

Shared recently on Reddit:

How to have flat stomach: remove all of your organs.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

This sex could have been an email.

Spotted on Instagram:

Math is like Chinese to me.

Seen just now on Slack:

Sleep hits different when you’re not supposed to be sleeping.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Handing the bus driver a $50 bill and telling him “Just drive”.

Just shared via Facebook:

Not being able to teleport is a huge inconvenience for me.

Freshly posted on Slack:

The sluttiest thing a man can do is have an ethical dilemma over his lust for you.

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Activity Log ✨

Half of Twitter is horny, half is depressed, and the other half don’t know how to do math.

Stretching my back isn’t enough; I need to take out my spine and wring it out like a towel.

I think this man might be the one, I say right before he dumps me and I never hear from him again.

Weekends are a scam, you spend one day exhausted and the other day anxious. Like, what the hell was that?

Being loved right feels like telepathy and a little bit of witchcraft.

Nobody gives me butterflies anymore. Y’all just give me brain damage.

Unfortunately, the movie you want to watch is unavailable on your 13 streaming services. You can rent it for $2.99 though.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Half of Twitter is horny, half is depressed, and the other half don’t know how to do math.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Stretching my back isn’t enough; I need to take out my spine and wring it out like a towel.

I think this man might be the one, I say right before he dumps me and I never hear from him again.

Weekends are a scam, you spend one day exhausted and the other day anxious. Like, what the hell was that?

Being loved right feels like telepathy and a little bit of witchcraft.

Nobody gives me butterflies anymore. Y’all just give me brain damage.

Unfortunately, the movie you want to watch is unavailable on your 13 streaming services. You can rent it for $2.99 though.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨