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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

You ever want someone so bad it pisses you off a little.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

All of my fitness goals are within reach, but unfortunately, so are the crisps.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

Some people peak in high school. I peaked when I realized I never had to see them again.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

Of course I look tired, it’s hard pretending to be awake.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

I voted for the candidate on the last yard sign I saw before pulling in. Slow children at play will lead us into the future.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

I’d log off, but I get so tired of hearing myself talk.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

Never underestimate my desire at any given moment to go home.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

Going to IKEA if anyone needs some meatballs.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

Please don’t flirt with me. I’m trying not to cheat on my crush who doesn’t like me.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

The hardest part of corporate life is pretending to care about things that don’t matter.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,559

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

The older I get, the more I understand why people live in the woods and talk to squirrels.

Shared recently on X:

Chip bags should be clear, show me what you want me to pay $6 for, cowards.

Making waves on Reddit:

They say “Time heals.” No, it doesn’t. I’m still mad.

Trending via Instagram:

Be the reason why your local woods are haunted.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Sorry, can’t go out tonight. My bed told me it needs me, and I can’t let it down.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Venn diagrams. You either love ‘em or you hate ‘em. Or you’re somewhere in the middle.

Trending via WeChat:

You can’t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on Facebook every day.

Just landed via Slack:

Here I am, block me like a hurricane.

Just shared via Twitch:

Who’s up thinking about the crushing weight of existence?

Just shared via Messenger:

The way I forget stuff at my age, I just know it is over for me after 50.

Haven’t seen a single bikini photoshoot in the snow this year; the girls are tired.

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Commentary:
Guess the hot chocolate won the battle against 'snowkini' season! 🍫❄️👙

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Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on Snapchat this month:

In medieval Europe, it was pretty easy to amass vast armies eager to go into battle and have their heads chopped off because no one wanted to be alive in medieval Europe.

53 shares on Discord this month:

A more accurate description would be ‘The Darker Web’.

78 shares on Snapchat this month:

The only thing I know about AI is, it desperately wants us to have more fingers.

28 shares on Messenger this month:

Once when I was exercising, I realized that I was allergic to it. I was out of breath, sweating and my heart was racing.

43 shares on LinkedIn this month:

And is your “sparkling personality” in the room with us now?

79 shares on X this month:

Typing in your email address on the TV is a different type of irritation.

41 shares on TikTok this month:

I pretend I don’t care about stuff, but that’s only because I have no idea what’s going on around me at any given time.

77 shares on Threads this month:

Had some plain yogurt with protein powder in it for breakfast, and not only is it high in protein and very filling, it’s also disgusting.

57 shares on Discord this month:

I went for an interview at IKEA. The manager greeted me by saying “come in, make a seat”.

69 shares on Slack this month:

Learn from the mistakes of others, you can never live long enough to make them all yourself.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m at that age where I can no longer refer to other people as “elderly.”

5 folks are currently checking 👀

You know where I’d like to go? Missing.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t drink and drive, but some people drive me to drink.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Moms be like, “Your cousin’s neighbor’s husband’s aunt died. Just thought you should know.”

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Are oranges called oranges because they are orange, or is the color orange called orange because an orange is orange?

24 folks are currently checking 👀

You should be allowed to miss work if you’re not feeling sexy.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m a pocket full of sunshine, not your dumping ground for grumpiness.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to your 40s. A random back pain will be assigned to you shortly, and you’ll never know what flares it up every time.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

“I could see myself living here,” I said, in a different city for more than 24 hours.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I never finish what I start. I have a black belt in partial arts.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,431

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

Wearing white pants today, so it’s really just a matter of time before I spill something on myself.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

Every time you break spaghetti noodles in half, an Italian has a stroke.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

There’s a reason we say cheese and not salad when we have to smile for a photo.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

I’m waiting for the perfect moment to stop procrastinating.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

I visited my doctor today. He told me my sugar was too high. So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

Being naked with shoes on feels more naked than being totally naked.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

I just sneezed my wife awake from a nap so any discussion about renewing vows is on hold for a bit.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Time Magazine should have a Worst Person of the Year!

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

Husband said he only wants to allow our kids to watch Looney Tunes and nothing else because of the “moral lessons”.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

Sharing wired earphones is a forgotten form of intimacy.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Celebrities should not be allowed to name children.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Establish dominance at work by telling your coworkers they look tired before they get a chance to say it to you.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Crossing my fingers one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is single.

Seen just now on X:

Taylor Swift should write a song about when your sleeves keep rolling down every time you wash the dishes.

Making waves on Slack:

This place was really tidy yesterday. It’s a shame you missed it.

Going viral on Slack:

Most of my exercise comes from getting up to let the cat in and out.

Going viral on Reddit:

Nobody is doing it like me because this is probably not the right way to do it.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Instead of presents this year, I’m giving everyone my opinion. Get excited!

Just landed via Facebook:

Are you there, bathroom walls, ceiling, floor, mirror, sink, and towels? It’s me, the kids toothpaste.

Just landed via Reddit:

If the apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree, my kids are screwed.

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