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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

If you add orange juice to Jason Momoa, you get a Jason Mimosa.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

Woke up, twerked in the mirror and laid back down.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

My neighbor told me he heard me having sex this morning. I was putting on my shoes.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

We have decided to sell the house. How long do you think it will take for our landlord to find out?

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

Jackie Chan used to say “I don’t want trouble“ and then break everybody’s legs.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

To save money, you really just gotta stay at home.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

The devil couldn’t reach me so he made sure my love life was bullshit.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

I’m in favor of sticking an “out of order” sign on some people’s foreheads. As a warning.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

Hugging helps break the tension with strangers in elevators.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,407

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Facebook:

You have hopes and dreams. I have nopes and screams.

Making waves on YouTube:

“There’s a reason religion tells you your reward is after death; it keeps you quiet while you’re being exploited alive.”

Going viral on YouTube:

Just took a nap in jeans. No one will ever understand the darkness that lurks inside me.

Freshly posted on Discord:

My spirit animal is that one bird that knocks itself unconscious, flying into windows.

Shared recently on Slack:

My favorite 90s skill: Uninstalling my car stereo and hiding it in my glove box in under 15 seconds.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Sometimes life is like a cowshed. You step from one turd into the next.

Just shared via Pinterest:

My morning routine consists of talking myself out of quitting my job.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Passive income? Brothers, I need massive income.

Making waves on Discord:

It’s a good friend who, when you want the truth, knows what truth you want.

Going bananas on TikTok:

I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.

Having a crush as an adult is soooo embarrassing. I’m literally too old for this. I’m gonna learn how to forge a sword.

3 weeks ago

Playful quote about adult crushes and funny ambitions to forge a sword.

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Commentary:
Acting like a medieval knight might just be the only logical next step in adulting! 🏰⚔️😂

adult, crush, dating, embarrassing, embarrassment, forging, having, hobby, humor, learn, literally, maturity, old, self-improvement, sword, sword forging, too

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46 shares on Pinterest this month:

I believe it was Aristotle who once said “The fastest way to get your kids to stop screaming is to also start screaming.”

23 shares on TikTok this month:

Whatever happened calorically this weekend can never happen again.

43 shares on Slack this month:

I don’t flirt, I just say weird things and hope something sticks.

90 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The ultimate student paradox: skipping class to avoid stress, only to stress about skipping class!

24 shares on Discord this month:

I don’t think people are actually getting any dumber. I think stupid people have just become way more confident.

41 shares on TikTok this month:

The longest drum solo was 10 hours and 26 minutes and was performed by the child sitting behind me on a flight from LA to Tokyo.

25 shares on Instagram this month:

I hate when I gain 10 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.

86 shares on Pinterest this month:

I hope this email finds you in the paradise city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty.

33 shares on YouTube this month:

I can’t finish cleaning up my room because I get distracted by all of the cool stuff I find.

15 shares on Instagram this month:

A storm knows it’s laced with destruction, and yet it rages on.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

Every Reddit relationship post is like “My husband dropped a big piano on my head and when I emerged from the rubble my teeth had been replaced by the keys. Am I in the wrong?”

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

Eventually, kids get old enough to see which parent was the problem.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

Started from the bottom and I’m still ain’t shit.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

Told a couple of jokes at a Zoom meeting. Turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

I hate it when I’m gossiping at work and a customer wants to be served. How rude is that?

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

If a beer is 8 bucks, it’s a show. If a beer is 14 bucks, it’s a concert.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

If you put a pizza on top of a pizza, you have two pizzas. But if you stack two lasagnas, then you still have one lasagna.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

The money I made gradually, you need urgently?

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

The Jaws theme stays on during sex.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

Children really brighten up a home. They never turn the lights off, …

Seen just now on WeChat:

If you think I’m evil, wait until you meet the man who made me this way.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

People will love you. People will hate you. And none of it will have anything to do with you.

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Activity Log ✨

Having a crush as an adult is soooo embarrassing. I’m literally too old for this. I’m gonna learn how to forge a sword.

Anyone got any good sins for someone just getting into sinning?

Waiting until 4:59 p.m. on Fridays to send an email, because any response is Monday’s problem.

No one is more stressed than someone who has seen their potential and knows they aren’t living up to it.

I’ve just filed a restraining order against reality.

I may be sensitive, but everyone else could be a little kinder, too.

Feeling like Floyd in this May weather (illiterate and violent).

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Having a crush as an adult is soooo embarrassing. I’m literally too old for this. I’m gonna learn how to forge a sword.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Anyone got any good sins for someone just getting into sinning?

Waiting until 4:59 p.m. on Fridays to send an email, because any response is Monday’s problem.

No one is more stressed than someone who has seen their potential and knows they aren’t living up to it.

I’ve just filed a restraining order against reality.

I may be sensitive, but everyone else could be a little kinder, too.

Feeling like Floyd in this May weather (illiterate and violent).

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨