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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

God, I was so happy when I was 18. I wasn’t at the time, but in retrospect I was.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

Most meetings end with the conclusion that everything needs to be discussed in another meeting.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

I don’t understand construction. Like, how do they know what to do next?

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

I’m getting targeted ads about chin fat and I’m offended by the relevance.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

You’d seriously think I was wanted for murder by the way I react when someone knocks on the door.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

I want to run through your dreams and settle in your nightmares.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Welcome to adulthood: 9pm is midnight now.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

Shout out to Yamaha for being like, “Here’s a cool motorcycle. Also, here’s a cool piano.”

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

I’m not shaking hands anymore. You may bow or kneel down.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,721

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Slack:

Viewing someone’s LinkedIn after they’ve viewed yours to assert dominance.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

People used to fly kites. Glad that’s over with.

Just landed via Telegram:

I’ve cooked for men I should have poisoned, so yeah, I do have self-control.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Never wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.

Shared recently on Facebook:

If chickens knew how good they tasted, they would understand.

Making waves on WeChat:

The ideal man is always thinking of several cool things at once (throwing a football really far, a truck with big wheels, giving a lot of high fives).

Shared recently on TikTok:

Definitely thought I’d be solving mysteries and unmasking ghosts in a van with a dog by this point in my life.

Making waves on Twitch:

What base is it when he says, “I know you need it badly,” but he’s talking about sleep?

Shared recently on Reddit:

A moth is just a butterfly with glasses and its hair up.

Breaking via X:

(Flirting) What’s every single thing you’ve ever thought?

Having hoes in different area codes sounds really exhausting.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Unless those hoes come with free frequent flyer miles, I'm sticking to local gardening! 😂✈️🌍"

area, area code, calls, code, codes, comedy, dating, different, exhausting, exhaustion, having, humor, phone, phone calls, relationship, romance, sounds, travel

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

How bad can a decision really be if nobody from the future shows up to stop you?

0

2 months ago

bad, choice, consequences, decision, future, humor, nobody, shows, stop, time, time travel, travel
Gonna get my eye looked at today. Usually it’s the other way around.

0

2 months ago

appointment, around, doctor, eye, health, humor, irony, today
I hope one day I will sleep before midnight like normal humans do. Every day I sleep tomorrow, even yesterday I slept today.

0

2 months ago

bedtime, before, day, even, every, hope, human, humans, humor, i, insomnia, management, midnight, normal, normal human, procrastination, sleep, time, time management, today, tomorrow, yesterday
What electric cars and diarrhea have in common is the fear of not making it home.

0

2 months ago

anxiety, car, cars, common, diarrhea, electric, electric car, fear, home, humor, joke, making, transportation
Coke Zero sounds like a government pledge to eliminate fizzy drinks by 2030.

0

2 months ago

2030, carbonation, coke, Coke Zero, drink, drinking, drinks, fizzy, fizzy drink, government, government pledge, humor, pledge, satire, sounds, zero
Ripped a tag off my leggings and did not realize it was load-bearing.

0

2 months ago

fashion, humor, leggings, load-bearing, mishap, mistake, realize, tag

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on Twitch this month:

Hulk Hogan’s gone, so I’ll be ripping shirts and screaming “BROTHERRR!” at strangers in his honor.

37 shares on Messenger this month:

Mocktails are awesome because they ask the question ‘how much could juice cost?’

71 shares on Threads this month:

Amazon cart: Order now and it will arrive today. Amazon confirmation email: LOL, just kidding, it’ll be a week from tomorrow.

49 shares on Threads this month:

Stick with me and you’ll go places. None of them good, but still.

57 shares on X this month:

Somewhere on our planet, there is someone who doesn’t care about you at this moment. It could be billions.

58 shares on Discord this month:

Schedule your bikini wax for the first thing in the morning, and you won’t need that cup of coffee.

47 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“I’m basically the human version of finding $20 in old jeans.”

91 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m never more unattractive than when a bee flies in my face.

49 shares on X this month:

How did the person who invented the spelling of “banana” decide when to stop?

15 shares on X this month:

I’m a pocket full of sunshine, not your dumping ground for grumpiness.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

The PhD student is someone who foregoes their current happiness in order to forego future happiness.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

I hope the world needs to be saved from the apocalypse with video game skills so my teen’s entire life won’t have been a complete waste.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

My bed has a stronger influence on me than my ambitions.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

Someone tongue kissed me recently in a way I can only describe as 5th base.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

I want to sleep but my brain won’t stop talking to itself.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

Not pretty enough for Instagram, not funny enough for Twitter. Welcome to WhatsApp status.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

Oh, you like NYC? Name every rat.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

A coffee the size of Manhattan please.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

I hate it when someone gives me a valid solution to my problem and I have to find something new to complain about.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Telegram:

Your honor, my client would like to play on his phone for a little bit

Breaking via Pinterest:

The worst is when it’s too late to take a nap but too early to go to bed.

Making waves on WeChat:

I think it is mandatory, especially in the morning, to be quiet.

Trending via Facebook:

“God has a plan for you.” OK, is God open to a little feedback?

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I won $6 on a scratch-off last night. Out of my way, peasants!

Going viral on WeChat:

I don’t want to sound controversial, but having Monday off is great. We should do this every week.

Broadcasted on Threads:

I’m glad laughter is the best medicine because my insurance sucks.

Breaking via WeChat:

If hot showers aren’t good for you then why do I emerge from them bright red like a beautiful ruby?

Live now on Slack:

So I got a call from a telemarketer, and he said he couldn’t understand me. I told him, “Press 1 for English.”

Breaking via Pinterest:

Vote for me and I’ll remove all the calories from cheese.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Having hoes in different area codes sounds really exhausting.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

How bad can a decision really be if nobody from the future shows up to stop you?

Gonna get my eye looked at today. Usually it’s the other way around.

I hope one day I will sleep before midnight like normal humans do. Every day I sleep tomorrow, even yesterday I slept today.

What electric cars and diarrhea have in common is the fear of not making it home.

Coke Zero sounds like a government pledge to eliminate fizzy drinks by 2030.

Ripped a tag off my leggings and did not realize it was load-bearing.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨