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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

I like my men like I like my coffee. Not that hot but still making me anxious.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

Just being myself is how we got into this mess.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Ninety percent of my new follows are beautiful women, which tells me one thing: I’ve still got it!

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

The more attention you get on this website, the less you enjoy being on it.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

Appliances always know when you’re getting a tax refund.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Please don’t leave me to my own devices. They’re all out of batteries.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

The key to happiness: 1/ order a pizza. 2/ eat that pizza. 3/ repeat!

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

I accidentally hit a parked car, so I left them a note that said “next time it will be you”.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Stretching is not enough. I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

And then I thought to myself, “What’s the point of cleaning if my family is going to keep living here?”

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,430

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Twitch:

DUI stands for: don’t Uber, I got this.

Going viral on Instagram:

Current state of politics: The circus is on fire but the monkey is fine.

Breaking via TikTok:

I love when the restaurant bathroom has different music playing than the restaurant. It’s like I’m going to Club Pee Pee.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

The hardest thing about chess is the other guy is always doing some shit.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Odd people reviewing a dessert: It’s not too sweet which is what I like.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Italians, look away now. I break my spaghetti in half before I cook it.

Seen just now on X:

Why do we say ‘slept like a baby’? Babies wake up every two hours crying. I want to sleep like my cat—14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

Going viral on Instagram:

Am I finishing my education or is my education finishing me?

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

You know when you have so much to do that you just sit down and do nothing?

Just shared via YouTube:

I now have Taylor Swift as my alarm. Now I always wake up five minutes earlier so I don’t have to listen to it.

Having hoes in different area codes sounds really exhausting.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
"Unless those hoes come with free frequent flyer miles, I'm sticking to local gardening! 😂✈️🌍"

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Social Media Stars ⭐

100 shares on X this month:

It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, I shut it off and back on again, why are you still here?

29 shares on Facebook this month:

Before cell phones, if you were bored in public, you had to flip a nickel in the air over and over.

33 shares on X this month:

I could never commit gun violence. The only things I know how to reload are my pill caddy and the batteries for the remote.

41 shares on Telegram this month:

Spotify has got it all wrong, the hottest single of the year is me.

48 shares on Reddit this month:

How does world hunger exist when we can fry air?

68 shares on Facebook this month:

You ever want someone so bad it pisses you off a little.

50 shares on Slack this month:

UNO is based on luck unless I win, then it’s based on strategy, and I’m a genius.

13 shares on WeChat this month:

We go together like Drunk and Disorderly.

57 shares on Instagram this month:

I think there’s a size limit on engagement rings before they look tacky, to me.

87 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The perfect number of cats is two stupid cats. Preferably siblings. But they can’t both be the same type of stupid. One needs to be stupid (dumb) and one needs to be stupid (annoying).

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

I wish rage burned calories. I would be so skinny.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

You gotta act cool, calm, and collected around liquid eyeliner because it can sense your fear.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

You want to go out in the sun and then you can’t get the couch through the door.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

These days, I only use Facebook as a birthday calendar.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

No matter how sad their story is, don’t let anybody move into your house.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

Someone needs to make an app for a Tamagotchi that you keep alive by going offline.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

I smoke weed for my mental health and your personal safety.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Turns out, “unc” is short for unconstitutional.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

I think I could actually generate electricity with how irritated I get sometimes.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

What’s really missing is a day between Saturday and Sunday.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

Once you book a trip, it becomes hard to focus on life.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Feels like the Chinese government turned up the power on the sleepy ray they use on me every morning.

Spotted on WeChat:

Dear diary, sorry for only ever talking about myself. How are you? Do you have any hobbies?

Just landed via Messenger:

On the surface: cool as a cucumber. On the inside: squirrel in traffic.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

You honestly gotta believe in yourself so much that it’s borderline delusional.

Going viral on Twitch:

When my friends are religious, I pretend not to notice.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Imagine falling in love and then finding out that they put antlers on their car for the holidays.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I’m writing a book of obitchuaries for all the people who are dead to me.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Women will invite you to shower with them, then cook you alive with a temperature of water you didn’t know existed.

Live now on Threads:

Don’t worry, I’m only dead inside from the waist up.

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Activity Log ✨

Having hoes in different area codes sounds really exhausting.

“Thank you for choosing Amtrak.” No problem. There are no other trains.

This call, should’ve been a message in a bottle I never found.

Diet hack: Spend your money filling up your gas tank so you won’t have money for groceries.

That awkward moment when a zombie looking for brains walks right past you.

If you wear glasses, we expect a lot from you academically, especially if your glasses have a rope.

Never trust a man that’s good at flirting. He’s had too much practice.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Having hoes in different area codes sounds really exhausting.

Keep the laugh going 😂

“Thank you for choosing Amtrak.” No problem. There are no other trains.

This call, should’ve been a message in a bottle I never found.

Diet hack: Spend your money filling up your gas tank so you won’t have money for groceries.

That awkward moment when a zombie looking for brains walks right past you.

If you wear glasses, we expect a lot from you academically, especially if your glasses have a rope.

Never trust a man that’s good at flirting. He’s had too much practice.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨