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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

I hate it when I imagine how a conversation will go and then in the actual conversation the person goes off script. That’s not your line, man.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

After I drink coffee, I show my empty cup to the IT guy and say that I have successfully installed Java. He hates me.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

My kids are smart but sometimes they say dumb stuff like, “Mom, why do you always buy Snickers when you’re the only one who likes them?”

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

Woke up and immediately broke my resolution to be less sexy this year.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

Sexting is hilarious, when you think about it. Like, this email truly should’ve been a meeting.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

She was rare, like a shopping cart at the grocery without a wobbly wheel.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

For a girl that loves sleep and hates stress, my career choice is questionable.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

My ducks may not be in a row, but at least they’re having fun. Your ducks probably hate you for making them line up like that.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

They’re selling me on Temu tomorrow.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Leave me alone, man. I’m just living my life like a candle in the wind.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,246

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

Have kids so you can say things you never thought you would like “please don’t vacuum your sister”

Breaking via Telegram:

Phone so dry, I caught myself checking the weather.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Referring to my boss’s wife as my boss-in-law.

Just shared via Reddit:

Breakups are hard, but have you ever been disappointed in the food you ordered?

Spotted on LinkedIn:

At my size, I’d be called Buffet the Vampire Slayer.

Going bananas on Messenger:

I bought a book on Feng Shui, but I don’t know where to put it.

Spotted on TikTok:

Everyone is either engaged, at a run club, doing their master’s, or in Japan.

Shared recently on X:

The brand name Oral B is so funny to me. WTF does the B stand for?

Going bananas on Discord:

Some people get a bit strange as they get older. Not me. I’ve always been like that!

Shared recently on Discord:

I know you miss me. The tarot lady on TikTok just told me.

Home Depot should allow men over 40 to have birthday parties in their stores.

2 months ago

0

Home Depot should allow men over 40 to have birthday parties in their stores.

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Commentary:
Absolutely! 🎉🔨 Imagine the sheer joy on their faces as they blow out the candles on a power tool-themed cake, surrounded by a backdrop of endless possibilities on the shelves of Home Depot. Just think of the party favors – tiny paint swatches, keychain tape measures, and of course, personalized hard hats for all the guests. 🎂🛠 Who needs a party venue when you can celebrate your special day aisle by aisle, right? 😄 #AgeIs

40, activity, birthday, birthday party, celebration, depot, fun, fun activity, home, Home Depot, humor, men, over, over 40, party, should, store, stores

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My grandad fought Germans on the beaches of Normandy. This was last summer and it was very embarrassing.

0

2 months ago

bea, embarrassing, family, fight, Germans, grandad, humor, last, Normandy, summer, war
Yesterday I wore something from 5 years ago and it actually fit. So proud of myself. It was a scarf, but still, let’s be positive here.

0

2 months ago

fashion, fit, humor, nostalgia, positive, proud, scarf, self-esteem, yesterday
Beavers are so funny. Why are you a little rat doing hydraulic engineering?

0

2 months ago

animal, beaver, comedy, doing, engineering, humor, hydraulic, hydraulic engineering, little, rat
People delete their social media and start acting like they got a master’s degree in maturity.

0

2 months ago

behavior, delete, education, growth, humor, irony, maturity, media, people, personal, personal growth, self-awareness, social, social media, start
I’ll never understand people who go through self-checkout line and slowly and carefully scan their items. This line is for stealing.

0

2 months ago

carefully, humor, items, line, never, people, scan, self-checkout, shopping, stealing, understand
Whenever you feel like the world is falling apart, take a deep breath and remember you’re right.

0

2 months ago

advice, apart, breath, deep, deep breath, falling, feel, feeling, humor, life, life advice, perspective, remember, right, take, whenever, world

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

52 shares on X this month:

That place is so crowded; nobody goes there anymore.

26 shares on YouTube this month:

I wanna be a jellyfish— no heart, no brain, no feelings, no pain— just blub blub blub.

68 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My greatest aspiration is to one day solve a murder on a train.

64 shares on Pinterest this month:

How did they get kids to pose for oil paintings? Mine won’t sit still for 4 seconds for a family photo.

75 shares on TikTok this month:

All I’m saying is that big burgers should be wider not taller.

73 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Someone just honked to get me out of my parking spot faster… so now I have to sit here until both of us are dead.

46 shares on Slack this month:

My career goal is to be able to just delete my LinkedIn account at some point.

69 shares on LinkedIn this month:

So proud of my ancestors for crawling out of the sea and evolving lungs. Pretty disappointed in them ever since though.

79 shares on X this month:

People just don’t stop, collaborate, and listen like they used to.

18 shares on Telegram this month:

Whenever someone asks me if my dog is adopted I respond with, “no, she’s biologically mine.”

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Crashed my car reading a billboard that said, “Don’t text and drive.”

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Gimme coffee or I’ll sleep amok!

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I like to live life dangerously by occasionally sticking my foot out over the edge of the bed at night.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I’d like to meet the person who decided that if you wanted to get married fast, it had to be done by Elvis.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t believe someone ran over my neighbors loud motorcycle tomorrow morning.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Piñatas are a fun way to intentionally maim the guests at your party.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not bossy, I just know exactly what you should be doing.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I wanna be a villain so I can just saunter everywhere. The heroes are always sprinting, always running. You ever seen Darth Vader run? Hell no. And I ain’t about to either.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

ADHD is when you buy a blender and then make smoothies every day for 2 weeks, and then never make one or even acknowledge your blender ever again.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

You ever see a woman so beautiful it makes you momentarily mentally ill?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,621

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Starting your day with an early morning run is a great way to make sure your day can’t get any worse than it started.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

If you are influenced by influencers, you’re beyond retarded.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

I’m currently on a really effective diet called “I only have twenty dollars until payday”.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

I stop myself at least twice a day from posting a status that would make everyone grab popcorn.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

Do you ever restart the dryer because you don’t feel like folding the clothes yet?

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

Twitter is basically like a mental institution where everyone thinks they’re the sane one, and everybody else is crazy.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

“You let your cat on the bed?” I would put her on my life insurance.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

Never eat more than you can lift.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

If the earth was flat, cats would have pushed everything off it by now.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

I don’t need to grow a thick skin. The world needs to grow fewer thorns.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Discord:

I swear, one more minor inconvenience and I’m running away to join the circus.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Babe, is everything OK? You’ve barely accomplished anything at all in your entire life.

Shared recently on Discord:

On Twitter, you will always find someone who is tweeting your thoughts but with better grammar.

Just shared via Messenger:

Maybe dogs are smarter than us because they found a way to get fed and housed without having to go to college and get a job.

Trending via WeChat:

A narcissist wants the authority of a king while having the accountability of a toddler.

Making waves on Twitch:

So. Fed the laundry and washed the cat. Showered the garbage and disposed of myself. Was there anything else?

Just landed via X:

I’m so old and have never even met a woman named Jolene. I’d really like to find her, though. She can have my man.

Just landed via TikTok:

Someone is probably in the worst argument of their life right now. LOL!

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Come on, brain, release the happy chemicals.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

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