Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

I left the house with wet hair and no makeup on, so I’m sure I’ll run into everyone I know.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

Me passing someone: you slow mule! Me being passed: okay, speed racer!

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

For a girl that loves sleep and hates stress, my career choice is questionable.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

I’m at the age where the first thing I do when I get somewhere is look for a place to sit.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

Stop checking up on your friends, and check up on me.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

“Are you busy tomorrow?” That entirely depends on what you need me to do.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

I’ve discovered I have a logic fetish, I just can’t stop coming to conclusions.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

Dogs have two jobs: calm their humans when they are stressed. Stress their humans when they are calm.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Get off the apps. Sleep with someone in your friend group. Add an awkward tension every time you hang out with them.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

There should be an Olympics where athletes can take as many drugs as they want. Like, to hell with y’all, let’s see how high humans can really jump.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

220 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,489

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,489

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,381

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on TikTok:

At the grocery store, but forgot my wife’s list so I guess I’ll just follow this other guy around and get what he gets.

Trending via TikTok:

Met my soulmate again today: mashed potatoes and gravy.

Trending via YouTube:

I’m surviving motherhood, one teenage meltdown at a time.

Seen just now on Slack:

If you want your teen to finish her homework, tell her to fold the laundry.

Spotted on Twitch:

I’ve never wrestled an angry alligator, but I have taken off a wet sports bra in the middle of summer. So, same thing.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Nothing worse than when I turn up to Park Run to find it is indeed going ahead.

Just landed via Twitch:

Me: Do you have the movie I want to watch? Netflix: No, but we have hundreds of movies that you don’t want to watch!

Shared recently on Facebook:

Sleep with each other, or someone else will!

Spotted on Discord:

Drive as I say, not as I drive.

Just shared via Discord:

Normalize asking if this is an intervention whenever someone invites you over.

I always feel sleepy, except when I want to sleep.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Story of my life: Professional insomniac by night, narcoleptic by day! 😴🦉😂"

always, except, feel, humor, i, insomnia, irony, laziness, sarcasm, sleep, sleepiness, sleepy, want

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me I’m gonna say “I’m a biter” and see how it goes.

0

2 months ago

biter, hug, humor, interaction, joke, me, next, reaction, sarcasm, say, social, social interaction, someone, time
It’s so funny when someone writes a song to try to get someone to have sex with them. That’s what a bird would do!

0

2 months ago

bird, creativity, flirting, humor, nature, relationship, sex, someone, song
Few things in life are as disappointing as having to poop right after a shower.

0

2 months ago

after, bathroom, disappointment, having, hygiene, life, poop, right, shower, things
I’m going to be real pissed if I get my shit together and the world ends.

0

2 months ago

end, get it together, going, humor, i, irony, pissed, real, shit, together, world
Be a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet on the inside.

0

2 months ago

crown, humor, inside, motivation, pineapple, positivity, self-confidence, stand, stand tall, sweet, tall, wear, wear crown
My life is constantly oscillating between “must save money” and “you only live once”.

0

2 months ago

balance, choices, experience, humor, life, live, living, money, once, priorities, save, savings, spending

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

13 shares on Messenger this month:

I love when dudes are named Guy. Like, yeah. Exactly.

28 shares on Instagram this month:

Roses are red. Daisies are white. I’m in a grumpy mood. My underwear is too tight.

92 shares on Discord this month:

I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s like 7 years in a row now.

70 shares on Pinterest this month:

There’s a weird kind of grief that comes with late August, and I can’t explain it.

67 shares on Discord this month:

The longest and most adventurous journeys begin with the words: “I know a shortcut.”

28 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m the friend who shows up with a shovel and an alibi.

19 shares on Slack this month:

Someone asked me what my hobby was and I realized that my favorite hobby is doing absolutely nothing.

24 shares on Snapchat this month:

I will improve my life after I doom scroll a little more. Yes.

12 shares on Snapchat this month:

Life is like a penis. Sometimes it’s up, sometimes it’s down. But it’s never hard forever.

16 shares on YouTube this month:

Me: I’ve always wanted to stare at someone from across the street then disappear when a bus passes. Interviewer: I meant more like “professional goals”.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

I thrive in a waiting room. You need me to sit in a chair and look at my phone? No worries, love, I do this at home.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

Salt is just angry sugar.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

When I die, I want to come back as a speed bump so I can piss people off.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

Why can’t they use deep fake technology for good instead of evil? Like taking Zoom meetings for you, stuff like that.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

It’s important to fuel your body with essential nutrients, which can be found in cookies, chips, and candy.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

I wonder if my guardian angel and my future husband’s guardian angel are in a group chat trying to coordinate.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

Next time you think I am flirting with you, ask yourself if kindness is so rare in your life that you mistake it for desire.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

Grab your own butt! Love yourself!

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

I don’t want to exacerbate things. That would just make things worse.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

My intern was born in 2007. I have unread emails older than that.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Slack:

My wife rearranged the kitchen cabinets, and now I’ll never eat again.

Making waves on Reddit:

Just took off my daytime sweatpants and put on my nighttime sweatpants.

Just landed via Threads:

In honor of Charles Dickens, I will also be poor this Christmas.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

“Is everything okay?” Bro, nothing has been since I turned 12.

Making waves on WeChat:

Rewatching my story every time somebody heart it to see what they see.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Today is the Mondayest Thursday that has ever been mistaken for a Friday in the history of Wednesdays.

Shared recently on Discord:

You know it’s bad when even a cheeseburger doesn’t help.

Making waves on WeChat:

Cats are the best authoritarians. You will do their bidding, and you will like it.

Just landed via Threads:

Confidence is 10% work and 90% delusion.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Welcome to your 40’s: oh you like surprises? here’s another chin. Surprise!

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I always feel sleepy, except when I want to sleep.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me I’m gonna say “I’m a biter” and see how it goes.

It’s so funny when someone writes a song to try to get someone to have sex with them. That’s what a bird would do!

Few things in life are as disappointing as having to poop right after a shower.

I’m going to be real pissed if I get my shit together and the world ends.

Be a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet on the inside.

My life is constantly oscillating between “must save money” and “you only live once”.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨