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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

I keep checking my phone like I mean something to somebody. Silly me.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

They should invent a good thing that happens.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

When I said there’s no such thing as a dumb question, I didn’t expect them to take it as a personal challenge.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

If I sing “Hello” and you think of “Lionel Richie” and not “Adele,” then you can probably predict the weather with one of your knees.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

Demi Lovato is short for demilitarized love potato.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

You should be allowed to leave work early if you miss your wife enough.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

Bought a pair of night vision goggles so that I can easily find the fridge at night without waking my wife.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

Me: This show is really boring. Boss: Again, this a zoom conference.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

I feel like waking up early on the weekend is so disrespectful.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

Instead of being constantly irritated by other people’s flaws, I’ve decided to become more self-absorbed.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,349

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

Putting sunscreen on kids feels like cardio.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Having to choose between an old guy or a convicted felon is a perfect depiction of what dating apps are Iike.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

December turns me into someone who believes a fat man with a beard can fix everything.

Just landed via Discord:

If Wonka had a spaghetti factory, I’d get sucked into a marinara river tube so fast.

Seen just now on WeChat:

When they know you know they did you dirty, they stay gone. And that’s the best thing.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Pro tip: When you sign up for anything online, put the website’s name as your middle name. Now, when you receive spam, you will know who sold your data.

Just landed via Discord:

You were promised to me 3,000 years ago.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

I’m going to bed, everyone. Try to keep it down.

Spotted on WeChat:

Camping? No, thank you. If I wanted to sleep outside, I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

Trending via Snapchat:

Women only want one thing and it is to walk down a dimly-lit cobblestone street with the devil.

I am cutting contact with my 3-year-old narcissist nephew.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
😂😂 "When your nephew thinks he's the king of the sandbox and you're just a lowly subject. 👑🚫🍼"

am, child, contact, cutting, distance, family, humor, i, narcissist, nephew, relationship, sarcasm, social, social distance

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Today is the Mondayest Thursday that has ever been mistaken for a Friday in the history of Wednesdays.

0

2 months ago

confusion, ever, Friday, history, humor, irony, misday, mistaken, Monday, Thursday, today, Wednesday, weekday
How would someone cancel an appointment at a sperm bank? Do you just call them and say you can’t come?

0

2 months ago

appointment, awkward, awkward moment, bank, call, cancel, funny situation, humor, just, moment, say, situation, someone, sperm, sperm bank
My favorite pastime is staying up way later than I should and complaining the next day about how tired I am.

0

5 months ago

am, complaining, day, deprivation, fatigue, favorite, humor, i, late, later, next, pastime, procrastination, should, sleep, sleep deprivation, staying, staying up late, tired
Quitting my job to focus on being in love.

0

2 months ago

being, focus, humor, job, love, priorities, quitting, relationship, romance
Most of my job is making things idiot proof, but they keep making better idiots.

0

2 months ago

better, frustration, humor, idiot, idiots, irony, job, keep, making, proof, things, workplace
Are you bad wifi, cause im feeling no connection here.

0

2 months ago

bad, connection, dating, feeling, here, humor, line, pick-up, pick-up line, relationship, technology, wifi

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

13 shares on Snapchat this month:

I have a yearning disability.

69 shares on Twitch this month:

I like online shopping and putting everything I want in a cart, then checking my subtotal and laughing and closing the tab.

44 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m still repaying karmic debt from that time I was 12 and gave the middle finger to a cow at the state fair.

71 shares on Pinterest this month:

I still haven’t heard one good argument why I should stop believing in Santa.

34 shares on Pinterest this month:

Not gonna lie, to this day, I don’t know the difference between gray and grey, I just wing it.

55 shares on Slack this month:

Watching someone else control the computer and doing it differently than you would, is one of life’s greatest challenges.

77 shares on Snapchat this month:

Whenever Im in trouble, I think, what would Jesus do? Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for 3 days.

13 shares on Reddit this month:

Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you wanted.

13 shares on Discord this month:

If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel by now.

35 shares on Facebook this month:

My kids had to work extra hard this morning but they were able to get the clean house back to it’s normal messy state just in time for the guests to arrive.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

Can’t wait for my husband to see what he bought everyone for Christmas.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

Drunk me promising you anything is the equivalent of a politician giving their manifesto … it’s not gonna happen.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

Two mysterious people live in my house. “Somebody” and “Nobody.” Somebody did it and nobody knows who.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Despite all my rage, I still keep refreshing the page.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

Unfortunately, I do enjoy watching the downfall of people who did me wrong.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

Sorry for levitating at the end of your bed all night, I just think you’re really cute.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

Got a new high score on my bathroom scale.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

The eyes are the windows to the soul. A mustache is the front garden, and the mouth is that big pothole the council should do something about.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

Y’all scared to be single, I’m scared to be in another pointless relationship.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

9-5 is really 10-2 if you’re working remote.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

Don’t get horny around me; I’m an empath.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from reading your book.

Spotted on Pinterest:

The problem with people starts when we expect things from them, or have anything to do with them.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I’ve named my couch American Idle.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Hold music is annoyingly scratchy and repetitive on purpose, so you will hang up and stop bothering them.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Cholesterol has a special place in my heart.

Trending via Telegram:

You can always tell when someone is on a diet by how they scrape every last bit from that yogurt container.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Everyone wants the bagel to be everything, but no one asks if the bagel needs anything.

Going bananas on YouTube:

You unfollow me because you are afraid of falling in love with me. I know!

Shared recently on Facebook:

They should make you watch a training video and pass a little test before you’re allowed to touch the office coffee maker.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I am cutting contact with my 3-year-old narcissist nephew.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Today is the Mondayest Thursday that has ever been mistaken for a Friday in the history of Wednesdays.

How would someone cancel an appointment at a sperm bank? Do you just call them and say you can’t come?

My favorite pastime is staying up way later than I should and complaining the next day about how tired I am.

Quitting my job to focus on being in love.

Most of my job is making things idiot proof, but they keep making better idiots.

Are you bad wifi, cause im feeling no connection here.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨