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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

The only fantasy I have in the bedroom these days is getting 8 hours of sleep.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

I be telling people, “I respect your decision,” and I really don’t. The decision is always something stupid, and I just don’t want to engage any further.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

Anyone else brush their teeth in the shower so they can get a little sloppy with it, or is that just me?

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

When I was a kid, we weren’t allowed to use our phones in school. Mainly because the cords wouldn’t reach.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

I don’t need Halloween. I have strange characters around me all year round.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

People who take naps are the real heroes. It takes courage to wake up twice in one day.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

Countries are just gangs with paperwork.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

Driving is great because it combines my love of sitting with my love of being mad.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

The most important thing I learned in life, and I can’t stress enough, it doesn’t matter where you went to college. The only thing that matters is that you’re really hot.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

Not now, honey. I’m talking to strangers on the internet.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,804

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on WhatsApp:

A real smartphone would know when to shut up.

Just landed via Discord:

Police cars should play ice cream truck music when they’re pulling you over for something minor.

Just shared via Slack:

Some people stay in the past because that’s where they peaked.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

My kids are asking for another dog that I can feed and walk.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Every girl is defined by their one lost love. And by that I mean the one fast food item that was discontinued without warning, subsequently ruining their life.

Breaking via Discord:

I think the key to happiness is having plenty of money and then telling all the poor people that money can’t buy happiness.

Freshly posted on X:

Kiss me like you’re trying to damn my soul and save it in the same breath.

Making waves on TikTok:

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun not to be able to open that drawer.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Captain America taught me that I just need to take performance enhancing drugs to be loved by everyone.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Your honor, when I said I wanted to be held, I didn’t mean in contempt.

“I asked ChatGPT.” “I asked Grok.” I asked God to strike me dead with lightning.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like even the gods are on a coffee break when it comes to dealing with us mortals! ⚡️☕️😅

asked, ChatGPT, dead, frustration, God, grok, humor, i, irony, joke, lightning, me, prayer, supernatural

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Refusing to attend my brother’s gambling intervention until they agree to call it a slot shaming.

0

2 months ago

addiction, agree, brother, call, family, gambling, humor, intervention, joke, shaming, slot
Once I started spending my own money, I realized my mom was right. We do have food at home.

0

2 months ago

budgeting, food, grocery, grocery shopping, home, humor, i, mom, money, once, own, parenting, realization, right, shopping, spending, started
You’re in her DMs, she’s in my bed whining that it’s too cold. Can you come get her?

0

2 months ago

bed, cold, DM, humor, relationship, too, whining
Grant me the supernatural ability to change the things I cannot accept.

0

2 months ago

ability, accept, change, humor, i, irony, me, supernatural, supernatural ability, things
A bad relationship can ruin a good song.

0

2 months ago

bad, good, heartbreak, humor, laughter, love, music, relationship, ruin, song
Gravity, at all times, is trying to pull your pants down.

0

2 months ago

clothing, gravity, humor, pant, physic, struggle, times

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

87 shares on Facebook this month:

My first mistake was leaving the womb.

28 shares on Reddit this month:

A penguin is a bird the way a hot dog is a sandwich.

65 shares on Slack this month:

What if aliens watch our movies about aliens and then invade accordingly in hopes of fitting in with our culture?

60 shares on Threads this month:

Spending money is too easy. For my bank account’s sake, I need a bridge troll to ask me three riddles before I’m allowed to buy something.

78 shares on WeChat this month:

Psych meds aren’t enough anymore. Hit me with a shovel.

46 shares on Snapchat this month:

Never go to bed angry. Stay up and finish the argument like an adult.

54 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m at the age where I understand why my parents never wanted to stop for anything on the way home from work.

16 shares on TikTok this month:

I wish it were social acceptable to say “I don’t care” and walk away mid conversation when you’re bored.

34 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Being in a rich person’s house is so stressful. Like, why am I struggling to find the trash?

75 shares on Twitch this month:

Petition to lower the retirement age. I’m tired now.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

I hate this time of year because all you guys care about is football, and no one wants to ogle my cleavage anymore.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

I decided to be me and now we have a problem.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

I could have done without braces back then. What’s the point of having perfect teeth if I have no reason to smile?

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

Me as the therapist: “Listen, just take a nap!”

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

If I have to look at any more spreadsheets today, you’re gonna have to spread my ashes.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

Is there an app yet that converts voice messages into text messages?

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

I love people who refuse to follow the crowd. The crowd is always lost, follow your inner compass.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

When someone asks why you don’t have kids just say “dingoes”.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

Still can’t believe we have a federal holiday to celebrate the 1996 hit movie Independence Day.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

If you’re not dropping it like it’s hot, then what the hell are you doing?

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

My favourite animal is me when I have money.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Eating the rest of the donuts will keep me from eating donuts tomorrow. My logic is flawless.

Freshly posted on X:

Rom-com idea: Gozilla +1. Godzilla gets invited to a wedding but struggles to convince anyone to go with him.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I wonder how biology explains that pain in your chest you get when you found out your partner cheated on you.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.

Spotted on Threads:

If you pretend you’re erasing the evidence of a murder while cleaning the bathroom, you’ll do a better job, and it actually becomes fun!

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Dance like China isn’t watching.

Making waves on YouTube:

My cat smells like cigarettes again and I’m sick of his excuses.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

My favourite adult hack is when I carefully and thoughtfully put something very important away so I can’t lose it, and then I never find it again.

Trending via Threads:

My body can’t handle the stress of loving anyone romantically, ever.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

“I asked ChatGPT.” “I asked Grok.” I asked God to strike me dead with lightning.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Refusing to attend my brother’s gambling intervention until they agree to call it a slot shaming.

Once I started spending my own money, I realized my mom was right. We do have food at home.

You’re in her DMs, she’s in my bed whining that it’s too cold. Can you come get her?

Grant me the supernatural ability to change the things I cannot accept.

A bad relationship can ruin a good song.

Gravity, at all times, is trying to pull your pants down.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨