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Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

Grandparents are there to help the kids get into trouble and teach them stupid things they wouldn’t think of on their own.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

I have the body of a god. Sadly, it’s Buddha after brunch.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

I like listening to podcasts because it’s basically getting to enjoy a conversation without having to participate in it.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

My doctor told me I should try anger management classes, and I’m still really pissed at him about it.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

The hardest thing about chess is the other guy is always doing some shit.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

The way I forget stuff at my age, I just know it is over for me after 50.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

When you have intense chemistry with someone, everyone else feels so bleh.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

Maybe in another life, I’m a spoiled nepo baby — jobless and doing nothing but shopping all day with my equally nepotised friends.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

Thinking you’re too smart to be manipulated is exactly how you get manipulated.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,705

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Messenger:

One day my kids will move out and discover the dishes don’t clean themselves and I feel for them. I really do.

Trending via Instagram:

Just say, “My future husband would never do that,” and move on.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I need to have a ginger ale about this.

Just landed via WeChat:

Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle and explode into a thousand bats to get out of social situations.

Spotted on WeChat:

I will never sell out my integrity unless I am offered something for it.

Just shared via Facebook:

The little umbrella is so unnecessary. Like, my drink is already wet, bro.

Going viral on Instagram:

The history of mankind would have been completely different if Adam and Eve had been Chinese. They would have left the apple hanging and eaten the snake.

Spotted on X:

What substance do I have to abuse to stop yearning?

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Becoming a DJ, but only because I like to impose my will and preferences upon the masses.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

People at the library need to learn how to be quiet. Some of us are trying to beatbox over here.

“I asked ChatGPT.” “I asked Grok.” I asked God to strike me dead with lightning.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous text about asking AI and divine intervention with a playful tone.

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Commentary:
Looks like even the gods are on a coffee break when it comes to dealing with us mortals! ⚡️☕️😅

asked, ChatGPT, dead, frustration, God, grok, humor, i, irony, joke, lightning, me, prayer, supernatural

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27 shares on Telegram this month:

Three out of five times, my intuition is right. Not in casinos, though.

47 shares on Twitch this month:

Me, first week as a volunteer firefighter thinking we only rescue cats: We’re going where?

41 shares on Twitch this month:

I think social media is marvellous. You type your thoughts into it, and then insane people let you know if they like them or not.

88 shares on Snapchat this month:

None of this matters and we are all going to die. Have a great weekend!

41 shares on YouTube this month:

I hate to brag but I excel at my faults.

41 shares on Telegram this month:

Being on Twitter right now is like playing the violin on the Titanic, except we are also making fun of the iceberg and the iceberg is getting genuinely mad.

49 shares on Telegram this month:

Printers are definitely the moody teenagers of the tech world.

93 shares on Facebook this month:

I am cool with January lasting forever because rent is due February 1.

91 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I made the mistake of clicking on an Instagram ad for a flannel shirt, and now the algorithm thinks I’m a lumberjack.

20 shares on Telegram this month:

One does not simply become a master of karate. First, you must accidentally walk into a spider web.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

Bag of flesh that acts weird when another bag of flesh doesn’t send symbols on glowing screen.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

There’s nothing like sitting by an open fire and watching the evidence burn.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

That masculine urge to completely avoid relationships until you get your life together.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

I’m bored, but not “read a book for fun” bored.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Expiration date? More like spoiler alert.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

Time needs a speed limit.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

I was just viciously body shamed by my mirror.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

Who’s going to run in movies when Tom Cruise retires?

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

No, I love darkness at 5pm and the death of a nation.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Drive as I say, not as I drive.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Snapchat:

There’s no reason to be bored flying on an airplane. Use the time to tell the person next to you your entire life story.

Just shared via Slack:

Being a writer means having a story you want everyone in the world to read, except anyone who knows you.

Spotted on WeChat:

For my final act of love, I will never contact you again, but think of you always.

Just landed via YouTube:

I think that McDonalds is putting an unhealthy amount of lettuce in the Big Macs these days.

Making waves on Facebook:

Inventing the Grinch: “Santa needs a Wario!”

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely touched your unread books.

Live now on Twitch:

People my age are doing so much, and I’m just at home reliving the same day over and over again.

Going viral on Reddit:

My cat smells like cigarettes again and I’m sick of his excuses.

Going viral on Telegram:

Trying to explain to my cat why she can’t jump off the balcony, even though I want to as well.

Seen just now on Discord:

The lion does not concern himself at all. The lion is depressed.

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Activity Log ✨

“I asked ChatGPT.” “I asked Grok.” I asked God to strike me dead with lightning.

I’m at the age where I have to warm up first before jumping to conclusions.

“Hope you’re enjoying the sunshine!” No, I’m at a desk reading your email.

Spice up your work day by drinking your coffee from a flask.

When I die, throw me on Mount Everest so it looks like I was trying to do something.

Nighttime is when I remember that one weird thing I said in 6th grade, and feel bad about it forever.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

“I asked ChatGPT.” “I asked Grok.” I asked God to strike me dead with lightning.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I’m at the age where I have to warm up first before jumping to conclusions.

The lion does not concern himself with social proof.

“Hope you’re enjoying the sunshine!” No, I’m at a desk reading your email.

Spice up your work day by drinking your coffee from a flask.

When I die, throw me on Mount Everest so it looks like I was trying to do something.

Nighttime is when I remember that one weird thing I said in 6th grade, and feel bad about it forever.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨