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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

I’ve never met a problem I couldn’t make worse.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

A hostile alien invasion sounds like a nice change of pace.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

At least men and women can agree on one thing: it feels amazing to take a bra off.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

“Hope you’re enjoying the sunshine!” No, I’m at a desk reading your email.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Does my career know that I’m pursuing it, or is it another one-sided relationship?

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

All I’m saying is that I’m closer to being a millionaire than Jeff Bezos is.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

That depressing moment when you start your car to go to work and it doesn’t explode.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

The time I spend, just thinking about food, is kind of embarrassing.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

After all the books are banned, they’ll move on to suggestive fruit.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

Drinking a beer alone with terrible posture.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,511

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

Going to the gym to exercise my demons.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

“There’s a particular type of insufferability that rich people from poor countries have, that I don’t yet fully know how to verbalize.”

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Figure skating is so niche that sometimes I walk in the rink, and there’s an Olympic medalist there.

Spotted on YouTube:

Adulthood is saying “but after this week things will slow down a bit” over and over until you die.

Going viral on Twitch:

Are they honking at me because I’m cute or because I can’t drive.

Freshly posted on Discord:

“You look nervous” Thanks, I’ve been practicing my whole life.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Welcome to your 40’s: you have big plans tonight. No, you don’t.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

“It’s swimsuit season” I say, eating another swimsuit.

Making waves on X:

The subtle art of surviving this life with grace and dignity.

I don’t argue anymore. I just agree and let the plot unfold.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Letting life be its own reality show 🎬🍿 Drama: 10/10, Participation: 0/10

agree, agreement, argue, argument, humor, i, just, let, observation, patience, plot, sarcasm

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

That incredible ability of cats to only throw up on carpeted floors.

0

2 months ago

ability, carpet, cat, cats, cleaning, humor, mess, pet, throw, throw up
Please congratulate me on my cool new position! It is the fetal position; I will be in it for a while.

0

3 months ago

congratulation, fetal, fetal position, humor, i, joke, me, new, please, position, relaxation, rest, while
I only go for nature walks with people I can outrun.

0

2 months ago

activity, competition, exercise, friends, humor, i, nature, nature walk, only, outdoors, outrun, people, walk, walks
Microplastics are a waste of time. I go straight to eating whole packaging.

0

2 months ago

eating, humor, i, joke, microplastics, packaging, satire, straight, time, waste, whole
People will scroll on their phones for 6 hours a day and wonder how other people can watch a movie every day.

0

2 days ago

6, daily, daily routine, day, entertainment, every, habit, hours, humor, irony, movie, people, phone, phones, routine, screen, screen time, scroll, time, watch, watching, watching habit, wonder
I miss the way I viewed the world before I found out too much about it.

0

5 months ago

before, found, humor, i, innocence, knowledge, miss, much, nostalgia, perspective, reflection, too, world, worldview

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

13 shares on Telegram this month:

My cat and I talked it over and no we don’t think that I’m crazy.

45 shares on Slack this month:

What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger, but also a little grumpy.

48 shares on Telegram this month:

Water is a drink whose flavor is its temperature.

63 shares on TikTok this month:

Long story short, I survived.

59 shares on Facebook this month:

Home is where the clothes rack stands in the way.

41 shares on WeChat this month:

Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.

28 shares on Facebook this month:

Heyyyyyy (with the worst of intentions).

19 shares on Telegram this month:

Turns out “V for Vendetta” is not an educational movie and it won’t teach your kids the alphabet.

62 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m not like other teenagers, I’m 51.

18 shares on Telegram this month:

Nudes are outdated. Send me a video of you reading out loud so I know you’re not dumb.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Love is not pushing them down the stairs when you have the opportunity.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

Nothing makes you regret an outfit choice faster than when you see teens looking at you and whispering.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

I have no desire to work now. I had five days off in a row where I dined at a feast and was entertained at a cinema. I have flown too high to return to a laptop.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

When I say “I hate drama”, I mean I hate being involved in drama. Other people’s drama? Big fan!

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

The only things that are really cool in my company are my salary and me.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

If I could go back in time, I’d probably stop Bruce Willis from saving us from that asteroid.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

“I’d rather hurl myself into an active volcano!” -me, politely declining dates.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

Bold of you to assume I have the energy to even climb a hill to die on.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

My favourite animal is me when I have money.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

I think the real reason this generation is so angry is that their music sucks.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on TikTok:

If I sing “Hello” and you think of “Lionel Richie” and not “Adele,” then you can probably predict the weather with one of your knees.

Live now on LinkedIn:

How I flirt? I look at an attractive person several times and hope that they are bolder than me.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

When my sister drives, I am NOT passenger princess, I am a survivor.

Going bananas on Facebook:

It takes guts to be an organ donor.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

A funny thing about the Heimlich Maneuver is that it’s impossible to pronounce if you’re choking.

Going viral on WeChat:

My dental plan is, “I guess I’ll just chew on this side of my mouth from now on.”

Spotted on Facebook:

If you can’t wow them with wisdom, baffle them with bullshit.

Just shared via Twitch:

People tell me to just be myself like that would be a good thing.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

You should be able to wash your hair and it stays washed. What do you mean I have to do it again?

Spotted on Facebook:

I can easily spot a wolf in sheep’s clothing but this guy was dressed like my grandmother which threw me off.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I don’t argue anymore. I just agree and let the plot unfold.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

That incredible ability of cats to only throw up on carpeted floors.

Please congratulate me on my cool new position! It is the fetal position; I will be in it for a while.

I only go for nature walks with people I can outrun.

Microplastics are a waste of time. I go straight to eating whole packaging.

People will scroll on their phones for 6 hours a day and wonder how other people can watch a movie every day.

I miss the way I viewed the world before I found out too much about it.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨