Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

My favorite part of my workday is when I grab my shit and leave.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

I’m in favor of sticking an “out of order” sign on some people’s foreheads. As a warning.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

The most productive species of beaver is the Eager.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Nobody in the entire world has ever known what to do with me.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

Y’all ever feel like your mouth is stupid but your mind is smart? Like you’re intelligent but you can’t express it when you’re speaking? It’s so frustrating.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

“You’re so funny!” Thanks, I didn’t get laid in high school.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

If every day is a gift, today is socks.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

No, I mean, it’s great toast. I just didn’t expect it to be French.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

I know it hurts like hell, and you don’t think you can do it, but it’s just one push-up.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

If you’re curious what the priciest item in a store is just bring a kid along because they’ll definitely find then break it.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,760

Funny Quotes Topics

17,769

Funny Quotes Images

15,760

Updated

Mar 1, 2026

Users Online

3,324

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

Milk teeth are wasted on children. A new set of teeth would be a lot more useful when you’re older.

Seen just now on Reddit:

“You handled that with such grace” are words that have never been spoken to me.

Making waves on Reddit:

I have many talents, all equally un-monetizable.

Just landed via Twitch:

They say white people don’t have their own culture, but I just got invited to a gender reveal party for a dog, and there’s no way we appropriated that from anyone else.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I’m not good at solving Pi, but I’m really good at eating it.

Making waves on Slack:

Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle and explode into a thousand bats to get out of social situations.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

“Likes your story” is a declaration of love.

Just shared via Pinterest:

If you keep your AC any higher than 75, please don’t invite me to your terrarium, you lizard.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Sex in the snow is wintercourse.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

I don’t drink and drive, but some people drive me to drink.

4 weeks ago

Witty quote about relationships and drinking humor, with a playful, amusing vibe.

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Commentary:
"Designated drivers beware: some folks are too talented at being backseat comedians! 😂🚗🍷"

alcohol, drama, drink, drinking, drive, driving, friendship, humor, humor quote, i, me, party, people, relationship

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97 shares on Slack this month:

Everything feels like thinking the stripper actually likes you.

76 shares on TikTok this month:

What beautiful weather outside. I’m gonna close the curtains.

86 shares on Reddit this month:

I fear one day I’ll see one of my posts marked as an “Exhibit A”

57 shares on Twitch this month:

The cynicism of those who urge me not to do what I can to help the Nigerian royal family.

57 shares on Twitch this month:

If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with, “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”

52 shares on Snapchat this month:

If stores want to accurately display clothes for people over 40, the mannequins should be laying on a couch.

22 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Did it hurt, when my ice cream outlasted yours?

88 shares on X this month:

Anyone know if we got the meek inheriting the Earth today?

57 shares on Discord this month:

Transgender ambulance driver whose pronouns are we/you/we/you/we/you.

72 shares on Snapchat this month:

A micromanager is someone you pay to watch your top talent walk away.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

I wish I had a pair of skinny genes.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

I’m starting to think the voice in my head doesn’t like me very much.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

In medieval Europe, it was pretty easy to amass vast armies eager to go into battle and have their heads chopped off because no one wanted to be alive in medieval Europe.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

Just spoke to my wife while the internet was down. She seems nice. She’s a nurse apparently.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

Sorry I missed your call, I was staring in horror at the screen, wondering why on earth you couldn’t just text me.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

I just want someone who can read a book with me in silence, and then do ungodly things sometimes.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

I always leave my friends voicemails in case they suddenly decide to be a musician and need an interlude.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

Exorcist came by. Says house isn’t possessed, just incredibly poorly built.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

About four minutes into my run, I’ve decided I want to work on my personality instead.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

Told a couple of jokes at a Zoom meeting. Turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

I’m so cold, I wish I could get in the dryer.

Just landed via Messenger:

Anyone got any good sins for someone just getting into sinning?

Live now on WhatsApp:

There should be a true crime story about feeding someone a peanut butter sandwich and giving them nothing to drink.

Just landed via Instagram:

Never underestimate the healing power of having your bed to yourself.

Spotted on Facebook:

I just sneezed and farted at the same time. I think my body just took a screenshot.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I don’t know how to knit, so I made you a tinfoil hat.

Trending via Facebook:

Ruin a perfectly nice trip out with your child by bringing your child.

Trending via Twitch:

The urge to buy people gifts they’ve mentioned they liked once.

Going viral on YouTube:

Love when job applications ask for my desired salary so I can choose between not being hired and being exploited for my work.

Just landed via Telegram:

Glasses don’t make you look smart, everyone knows you had to fail a test to get them.

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Activity Log ✨

I don’t drink and drive, but some people drive me to drink.

Telling your parents about your problems is like adding another problem to your life.

Yeah, the planet is dying. The government hates us. The animals are leaving. The aliens aren’t contacting us. We might be alone. It just might be you and me.

Good morning to life’s chaos, where my coffee is the only thing that makes sense!

If I say goodnight and an hour later you see me online, it’s not that I lied; it’s just that I failed.

Wanna come over and see my mis-matched sock collection?

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I don’t drink and drive, but some people drive me to drink.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Telling your parents about your problems is like adding another problem to your life.

Yeah, the planet is dying. The government hates us. The animals are leaving. The aliens aren’t contacting us. We might be alone. It just might be you and me.

Good morning to life’s chaos, where my coffee is the only thing that makes sense!

If I say goodnight and an hour later you see me online, it’s not that I lied; it’s just that I failed.

Wanna come over and see my mis-matched sock collection?

That beeping of the parking assistant when you get too close to other cars. I’d like that for people.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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