Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

Why is judge the only job where you can bang a little hammer to make people shut up? I’ve needed that in literally every job I’ve had.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Before sleeping, most people will imagine stuff they want to happen. Like sleeping.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

The days will soon be shorter again. Then it won’t rain for so long.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

I’m doing pretty good for someone who rarely has a clue.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

I’m just so lazy because I’m still recovering from the fact that I used to be the fastest sperm.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

I can’t wait to open my phone tomorrow and find out what we’re mad about next.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

When I was a little girl, I always dreamed of growing up to satisfy user needs in a way that meets business goals for transformative outcomes.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

Everybody looks like a criminal on the self-checkout camera.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

What doesn’t kill you will text you in 5 months to ask “What are you doing?”

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

Maybe your soulmate’s just late, like, wildly behind schedule.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,789

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

I just ate, and now I’m going swimming, so I guess this is goodbye.

Just landed via YouTube:

One day you said w00t for the last time, and didn’t even realize.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I’m just here to make you wish I wasn’t.

Shared recently on Discord:

I’ve never been kissed under the cameltoe or whatever it’s called.

Going viral on Reddit:

Sorry for what I said when I was drunk. I meant every word.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Welcome to your 40’s: you’re not hungover, it’s just Tuesday.

Making waves on Twitch:

Goodnight Outlook, goodnight Teams, goodnight Zoom.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Maybe your soulmate’s just late, like, wildly behind schedule.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I wish there were an option to turn off the Wi-Fi connection for WhatsApp only.

Going viral on Telegram:

Some of us better hope Santa doesn’t check social media, because if he does, all we’re getting for Christmas is therapy.

I don’t drink and drive, but some people drive me to drink.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Designated drivers beware: some folks are too talented at being backseat comedians! 😂🚗🍷"

alcohol, drama, drink, drinking, drive, driving, friendship, humor, humor quote, i, me, party, people, relationship

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

It’s crazy I need a certificate to prove I was born when you can literally just look at me.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, age, born, certificate, crazy, i, identity, just, me, need, proof, prove
I don’t need a fancy watch to tell me I’m not fit one bit.

0

2 months ago

fit, fitness, humor, irony, me, need, self-awareness, tell, watch
Deleted old Tweets just in case I date a very famous woman with rabid fans.

0

2 months ago

case, date, deleted, famous, famous woman, fans, humor, i, just, media, old, privacy, rabid, relationship, social, social media, Tweets, woman
Just because you haven’t found the right person, doesn’t mean you will.

0

2 months ago

advice, date, dating, dating advice, expectation, humor, irony, just, love, person, relationship, right
Last night’s dream could have been an email.

0

5 months ago

communication, dream, email, humor, last, night, nights, sleep, technology
Straight man stuns they/them by ordering in fluent woke.

0

3 weeks ago

commentary, communication, fluent, humor, identity, language, man, ordering, social, social commentary, straight, straight man, they/them, woke, woke language

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on TikTok this month:

Canadians are nice because they’re close to Santa.

18 shares on Reddit this month:

The universe consists of 5% protons, 5% neutrons, 5% electrons, and 85% morons.

74 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.

100 shares on TikTok this month:

My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.

20 shares on TikTok this month:

If I ever went to jail for murder, it would be for murdering my printer.

97 shares on Instagram this month:

My body snaps, crackles, and pops louder than my cereal.

49 shares on Facebook this month:

Why do flat earthers care so much? Like, what if the Earth is flat. What now?

53 shares on Pinterest this month:

If you get cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and still participate in family game nights.

25 shares on Pinterest this month:

Even at my most powerful, I’m still a little sleepy.

45 shares on Reddit this month:

But what if I don’t want someone that’s good for me?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

Everyone deserves a day to lie in bed naked and be anti-social. Just sayin’.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

I’m living in a parallel universe where I suck at parking.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

AI could never replace me, you can’t put this much self-loathing into a machine.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

Mad that so many renaissance artists were named after ninja turtles.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

The highlight of my weekends is slipping into something more comfortable and putting my feet up.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

You’re mistaking me with someone who’s stupid.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

Everyone’s a gangster until they have to say sorry.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

Is it ‘My wife and I’ or ‘Me and my wife’? Anyway, we just robbed a liquor store.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

Never trust someone who can eat 24/7 but is still skinny.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

Putting your wedding scrapbook in the little free library is an unprecedented level of divorced.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Discord:

I feel like a credit card, cause I’m constantly being used irresponsibly.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

screenshotting people’s close friends and posting it directly to my own story.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Workplace Wrapped: you had 60k minutes of meetings this year that could’ve been an email.

Spotted on Discord:

Sometimes a lover girl, sometimes a dinosaur.

Trending via Threads:

The first bowl of cereal makes you want a second, but the second makes you wish you stopped at the first.

Seen just now on Slack:

I can’t be the only person who thinks the presidential debate should be performed as a rap battle.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

On the internet, you can be anything you want. It’s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.

Making waves on Reddit:

Lowkey wanna fall in love, but Monday to Friday is work, Saturday is laundry, Sunday is mental prep for Monday. The butterflies in my stomach are actually decomposing.

Spotted on Instagram:

If Halloween is over, then why am I still scared?

Just landed via Instagram:

I don’t need a psychic to tell me which planets make me sad. It’s earth.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I don’t drink and drive, but some people drive me to drink.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

It’s crazy I need a certificate to prove I was born when you can literally just look at me.

I don’t need a fancy watch to tell me I’m not fit one bit.

Deleted old Tweets just in case I date a very famous woman with rabid fans.

Just because you haven’t found the right person, doesn’t mean you will.

Last night’s dream could have been an email.

Straight man stuns they/them by ordering in fluent woke.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨