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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

Imagine hating me and im just at my desk spinning reeaaally fast in my office chair.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

Dear Stomach, you’re bored, not hungry. So shut up.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

Accidentally punched myself in the face as I was getting dressed this morning, and I have to say, I deserved it.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

If a tree falls on your ex in the woods and no one’s around to hear it, you should probably still get rid of the chainsaw.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Vote for me and I’ll remove all the calories from cheese.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

I don’t want to brag but I walked into a room and remembered why I walked in.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

Born to be a hater, forced to understand your perspective.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

What would you do if you were in my situation right now? The situation being that I’m drunk.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

Why don’t straight men and lesbians hang out like straight women and gays do?

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

Never understood why people train their dogs to sit pretty or roll over when there are useful tricks like empty the dishwasher or fold the laundry.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

21 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,290

Funny Quotes Topics

17,410

Funny Quotes Images

15,290

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,519

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Slack:

I don’t text. I will contact you telepathically.

Going viral on Slack:

Starting your day with an early morning run is a great way to make sure your day can’t get any worse than it started.

Breaking via Slack:

Porn actresses envy the look on my face when I clean my ear with a cotton bud.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

“Don’t bring a knife to a gun fight!” Okay, then explain bayonets to me.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I just want someone to miss me the way my 3 year old nephew misses me when I go to the washroom.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I followed my heart. It led me to the fridge.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Going from summer clothes to winter clothes: “Okay!” Going from winter clothes to summer clothes: “I AM NOT READY!”

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

If a government has online beef with a pop star, it has already lost.

Just landed via Facebook:

When they know you know they did you dirty, they stay gone. And that’s the best thing.

Just landed via Facebook:

You can tell a lot about someone by the stuff you make up in your head about them.

I don’t hold grudges. I just remember facts very aggressively.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
That's just my brain working as a fact-powered chainsaw 🧠🔪😂

aggression, fact, facts, grudge, grudges, hold, humor, i, just, memory, remember, sarcasm

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I wish I had a pair of skinny genes.

0

2 months ago

body, body image, fitness, gene, humor, i, image, self-improvement, skinny, skinny gene, wish
You’re in her DMs. I’m accidentally reposting reels of Tibetan foxes because I don’t know how to use the app anymore.

0

4 months ago

accidentally, app, confusion, DM, DMs, fox, humor, i, know, media, reel, repost, social, social media, struggle, technology, technology struggle, tibetan, Tibetan fox
Being excited to get in bed is a different level of adulting.

0

2 months ago

adulting, bed, being, different, excited, excitement, humor, level, life, life stages, relaxation, responsibility, sleep, stages
The reason most of us stay up late is because we don’t want our free time to end, and tomorrow to start.

0

1 month ago

bedtime, end, free, free time, late, management, most, night, procrastination, reason, sleep, start, stay, stay up late, time, time management, tomorrow, us, want
“But it’s summer,” is going to be my excuse for everything from now until the end of September.

0

2 months ago

carefree, end, everything, excuse, going, heat, humor, joke, procrastination, season, seasonal, summer
When I was a kid, they played lame music for middle-aged people in the supermarket, but this morning at Whole Foods, it’s now all amazing bangers from my youth.

0

4 months ago

age, amazing, bangers, foods, funny observation, generation, i, kid, lame, middle, middle age, morning, music, nostalgia, observation, people, played, supermarket, whole, Whole Foods, youth

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

82 shares on Threads this month:

I never finish what I start. I have a black belt in partial arts.

31 shares on Facebook this month:

Do u guys also have a story in your head, and when you’re bored, you just add more to it and continue from where you left off?

55 shares on Discord this month:

A drone, but for seeing which fast food drive-thrus have the shortest line.

82 shares on Pinterest this month:

Ask your girlfriend for her ring size and then give her a personalized bowling ball.

70 shares on Pinterest this month:

They should invent going outside without people looking at you.

27 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here hating myself more.

53 shares on Reddit this month:

Anytime someone comments on my weight, I try to ignore them and keep my chins up.

25 shares on Slack this month:

When two people argue online I believe whoever spells correctly.

96 shares on Discord this month:

What’s my net worth? Buddy, I don’t own a net.

21 shares on Twitch this month:

Don’t talk to me about regrets if you’ve never had someone’s name tattooed on you.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Microdosing Christmas by being present.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

My entire life changed once I found out that a crush is just a lack of information.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

Fun fact: Did you know that removing junk food from your diet can help you lose up to 90% of your will to live?

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

No Botox. I need to furrow my brow when people say dumb things.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

I’m soirée for my mispronunciation of French words.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

That moment when you dip your cookie in milk for too long and it breaks off, then you wonder why bad things happen to good people.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

I took some free community martial arts lessons for self-defense, but I’m starting to think Tai Chi is too slow for most muggers.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

Going to bed early is easy, going to sleep early is a whole other set of problems.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

You unfollow me because you are afraid of falling in love with me. I know!

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

To everyone I’ve wronged this year. Next year same time, same place.

Just shared via Twitch:

I highly recommend getting yourself a “How can I help” partner and not a “You will be fine” partner.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Onesies are amazing till you have to really pee in the middle of the night then you question all your life’s decisions.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Taylor Swift should write a song about people who don’t return their shopping carts to the corrals.

Spreading quickly via X:

Please don’t ever speak to me about math. I’ve moved on.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I remember when “disinformation” used to be called “lies.”

Just shared via Instagram:

Quitting my job to rock around the Christmas tree.

Going viral on Threads:

In the future, there will be grandmas who can’t bake but have tattoos on their backs.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

The question is, what will kill humanity this century? Artificial intelligence or natural stupidity?

Going bananas on YouTube:

There is no physiological reason to yell when you sneeze. People who do that are simply weak and rude.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I don’t hold grudges. I just remember facts very aggressively.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I wish I had a pair of skinny genes.

You’re in her DMs. I’m accidentally reposting reels of Tibetan foxes because I don’t know how to use the app anymore.

Being excited to get in bed is a different level of adulting.

The reason most of us stay up late is because we don’t want our free time to end, and tomorrow to start.

“But it’s summer,” is going to be my excuse for everything from now until the end of September.

When I was a kid, they played lame music for middle-aged people in the supermarket, but this morning at Whole Foods, it’s now all amazing bangers from my youth.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨