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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

Weekends are a scam, you spend one day exhausted and the other day anxious. Like, what the hell was that?

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

English is so fake. How can you drink a drink, but you can’t food a food?

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

He was only called Mr. Pepper until he published his groundbreaking research on fizzics.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Just got sacked from my job at a think tank for thinking about donuts.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

People who can’t tell the difference between whole numbers and decimals are missing the point.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Typos is the Greek god of spelling errors.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

You really have to enjoy the way a man is acting in the beginning, because you will never meet that man again.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

The end of Twitter is taking forever. Did Tolkien write this?

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

Twitter hits different, cause it’s like the only social media app you can use effectively while playing music.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

Girls really only want one simple thing; and that one thing is all of your attention.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,599

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via TikTok:

People with ADHD be like “I can’t fry an egg, I got too much going on”.

Seen just now on Threads:

When my friends are religious, I pretend not to notice.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I get shy when my man stares at me for too long because what if he’s realizing I’m actually a lil ugly.

Just shared via Slack:

There is absolutely no excuse for laziness. But if you find one, let me know.

Going viral on Snapchat:

My psych professor asked if we’d heard of Pavlov. I said, “It rings a bell.” No one laughed; I’m too witty for this class.

Seen just now on Slack:

I lost my job at NASA Mission Control today. I misheard when they said, “It’s lunch time.”

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

There’s something fundamentally wrong with the way people interact with each other on LinkedIn.

Spotted on Telegram:

Morning me just stripped the bedding. Evening me is going to be pissed.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Wolves are just dogs that nobody has called a “good boy” yet.

Just landed via Messenger:

If you see me online, I’m not chatting. I’m busy ignoring the world and laughing at memes like it’s therapy.

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but throw away your disgusting dish sponge.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Finally someone said it! My sponge has gone from cleaning dishes to auditioning for a horror movie! 🧽😱👻

advice, away, cleaning, disgusting, dish, dish sponge, hear, hygiene, i, kitchen, know, needs, sponge, throw

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Spiraling out of control if anyone wants anything.

0

2 months ago

anything, chaos, control, humor, spiral, spiraling, wants
Sometimes I say something so embarrassing I even impress myself.

0

2 months ago

embarrassing, embarrassment, even, i, impress, myself, say, self, something
You gotta be careful: don’t say a word to nobody about nothing anytime ever.

0

2 months ago

anytime, careful, caution, ever, humor, nobody, nothing, secrecy, word
My kids couldn’t care less about personal hygiene unless we are running late somewhere.

0

2 months ago

care, family, humor, hygiene, kids, late, less, management, parenting, personal, personal hygiene, running, running late, somewhere, time, time management
Randomly hearing your favorite song is more satisfying than putting it on yourself.

0

2 months ago

experience, favorite, hearing, joy, music, putting, randomness, satisfaction, song, surprise, yourself
If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with, “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”

0

2 months ago

boss, breakfast, cheese, croissant, end, food, going, ham, hour, humor, joke, late, lateness, office, prank, sure, surprise, text, texting, workplace, workplace humor

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

76 shares on TikTok this month:

Netflix will help you finish spelling the name of the movie you’re looking for, and then tell you they don’t have it.

57 shares on Reddit this month:

“Do you like using Twitter?” Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

21 shares on Twitch this month:

The early bird gets to cry for a little bit longer in the work parking lot.

72 shares on Telegram this month:

I ate my exam paper. Which means that pretty soon I’ll pass the test.

49 shares on Reddit this month:

My morning routine includes 10 minutes of sitting on my bed and thinking about how tired I am.

34 shares on TikTok this month:

My body is a machine that turns pizza into diarrhea.

40 shares on Instagram this month:

Can’t. Too busy saving daylight.

94 shares on Instagram this month:

Finding a person to make eye contact with during stupid meetings is essential to survival in the workplace.

69 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m sorry to break it to you, but you need a soul to have a soulmate.

91 shares on Threads this month:

Everyone wants a drunk text until I’m doing it at noon.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

Source? Divine intuition, gut instinct, and cryptic symbolism from my dreams.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

I love going “Streets are saying” before I say something I literally just made up.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

Y’all shivering in this cold cause them Shein jackets made outta paper towels.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

Relationship status: you’d think something called a Roomba would be a better dancer.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Money will not leave you on read for 9 hours.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

I hate Valentine’s Day but I do enjoy infant archery.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

“I asked Grok.” “I asked ChatGPT.” Well, I’ve sacrificed a sheep.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

Saying “You’re tearing this family apart” whenever someone argues with me.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

Hairless cats look like the devil screwed up a possession.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Facebook:

I mostly keep friendships going because they have my good Tupperware.

Just landed via YouTube:

Picking up women at the bar and then gently setting them down.

Going viral on Reddit:

Can I get back all those naps I refused to take as a kid? I could really use them now.

Just landed via YouTube:

I’m not lazy, I’m an inactivist.

Making waves on Instagram:

Life update: it’s getting worse.

Seen just now on TikTok:

A little mystery is the sweetest seduction.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Facebook is like a never-ending high school reunion.

Seen just now on Discord:

I made you snort laugh, so we’re going out, right?

Spotted on Twitch:

Only bots from Nigeria are allowed to call me dear.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

If Stranger Things was British, it would be called ‘Bit odd, innit?’

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but throw away your disgusting dish sponge.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Spiraling out of control if anyone wants anything.

Sometimes I say something so embarrassing I even impress myself.

You gotta be careful: don’t say a word to nobody about nothing anytime ever.

My kids couldn’t care less about personal hygiene unless we are running late somewhere.

Randomly hearing your favorite song is more satisfying than putting it on yourself.

If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with, “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨