I enjoy long walks up and down my stairs trying to remember what I was supposed to be doing.

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Bold of me to constantly use the phrase “no worries!” when I am, in fact, constantly full of many worries.

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In a turn of unexpected events, I need to learn karate by tomorrow morning.

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I accidentally take a screenshot of my phone background at least once a week.

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I just got lied to by 3K+ people. That recipe was awful.

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I don’t want to do exercise, but I want to have done exercise.

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If you’re dating an alpha female, you need to know that they need to be babied at night, or else they will turn into a dragon.

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69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.

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Due to personal reasons, I’ll be using humor to hide pain.

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Wooden pews are designed to maximize the shame of farting in church.

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Coffee should be free for everyone Monday through Friday.