Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

Yes, money alone does not make you happy. It has to be yours too.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

I had the most impatient and rudest cashier. I’m never using self-checkout again.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

I’ve started rejecting all cookies instead of accepting them. I don’t even know what it means, but I’ve had enough.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

In high school I was voted “most likely to hold a grudge” and I’m still mad about it.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

If you steal enough FitBits, they’ll just give you one for your ankle.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

Too many losers and not enough people telling them they’re losers.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

Men be like “I would do anything for you,” and then do nothing.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

“OMG I love your personality,” thanks, it’s a disorder.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

Being excited to get in bed really is a different level of adulting.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

219 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,488

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,488

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,607

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on YouTube:

Ladies, don’t date hungry guys. They’re just trying to get into your pantries.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Good morning, did you have a nice weekend? I ask my many open work tabs.

Just landed via X:

I should’ve gotten my affairs in order before I decided to bite into this hot pepper.

Making waves on Instagram:

We should make a new internet that’s as hard to use as the old internet was, so anyone that’s too stupid to have used the internet 20 years ago can’t get on it.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Dude, we’re biting off more than we can chew tonight if you want to pull up.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Don’t stress about your eyesight failing as you get older. It’s nature’s way of protecting you from shock as you walk past the mirror.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Don’t listen to them, little password. You are strong.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

If GPT-5 will have ‘Ph.D.-level intelligence’, then GPT-6 will have the intelligence of someone who decided not to get a PhD.

Breaking via Facebook:

Avocado toast at a cafe: $10. Avocado toast from Uber Eats: $25. Avocado toast made at home: $550 (my labor is worth $115 a minute).

Making waves on Threads:

Idiocracy wasn’t supposed to be a documentary.

I feel bad for Slash. He bought a goofy hat in like 1986 and now he has to wear it until the day he dies.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Imagine being committed to a hat longer than most marriages! 😆🎩 #TilDeathDoUsPart"

1986, bad, commitment, day, fashion, feel, Goofy, goofy hat, hat, humor, i, joke, lifelong, lifelong wear, sarcasm, Slash, style, wear

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

No kids at my wedding. Gonna Uber the flower girl home when she’s done.

0

2 months ago

done, flower, flower girl, girl, home, humor, kids, planning, Uber, wedding, wedding planning
Play the Grindr notification noise at Christmas dinner to see which conservative relatives panickedly check their phone ringer.

0

1 month ago

check, Christmas, Christmas dinner, conservative, conservative relative, dinner, experiment, family, family gathering, gathering, Grindr, humor, noise, notification, notification noise, phone, phone ringer, play, prank, relative, ringer, social, social experiment
If ever go missing, please only put pictures of me on the news where I look skinny and hot even if that means they won’t find me.

0

2 months ago

ever, hot, i, me, means, missing, news, pictures, put, skinny
My birthday wish is for everyone to ignore my birthday.

0

2 months ago

birthday, celebration, everyone, humor, ignore, self-deprecation, wish
“Still gangsta” I whisper to myself as I drink my chamomile tea with a heating pad on my back.

0

2 months ago

adulting, back, chamomile, chamomile tea, comfort, drink, gangsta, heating, heating pad, humor, i, irony, myself, pad, relaxation, self-talk, still, tea, tea time, time, whisper
My apologies to your congregation. I totally misunderstood when you asked for missionary volunteers.

0

2 months ago

apology, church, congregation, funny situation, humor, i, missionary, misunderstanding, situation, volunteers

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

23 shares on Slack this month:

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today. I need the blood of my enemies.

26 shares on Slack this month:

The most expensive clothing you’ll ever wear is a hospital gown.

39 shares on TikTok this month:

No, baby, I’m not dumping you. I’m just rebranding myself as your ex.

45 shares on WhatsApp this month:

By the time he entered rehab, Popeye was more spinach than sailor man.

54 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Toothache and heartache comes from the same thing, which is something sweet.

51 shares on Snapchat this month:

I touched grass today, and I’m still like this. Please advise.

63 shares on TikTok this month:

You don’t get to tell me what to do, you’re not my cat.

19 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sure sex is cool, but have you ever farted away a stomachache?

52 shares on Telegram this month:

The whole “read before you go to bed to get sleepy” thing does not apply to me because I will be up till 5 a.m. if the book is worth it.

51 shares on TikTok this month:

Dogs are man’s best friend because a dog would never blindside you with a group chat.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

Biting the heads off all these gingerbread men if you wanna swing by.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

Drinking coffee because hitting people over the head with a shovel is frowned upon.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

My favorite color is money.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Please stop fighting with each other on the internet and start fighting with each other in real life. Life is short.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

I embarrass myself in front of myself.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

I’ve got a couple of eyebrow hairs that want me to be a villain.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

There’s nothing like the excitement of a brand-new book to add to the massive pile of books I still haven’t read.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

Me and my boys are broke, so we take turns taking pictures of one iced matcha.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

I have never seen a sad person sliding down a water slide.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

I kind of can’t wait for my generation to be bumping 90’s hip hop, rap, and heavy metal at the old folks’ homes.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

Fog. When nature is too lazy to load the complete environment.

Shared recently on Telegram:

My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.

Breaking via Messenger:

Hey there, Delilah, we know you broke that dude’s heart.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Adulting is realizing you can’t skip work like you skipped class.

Live now on WhatsApp:

I see 1000 girls. I know 100 girls. I talk to 10 girls. I love 1 girl. And she doesn’t love me back.

Just shared via Discord:

I’ll make direct eye contact while eating a hot dog, just to make you feel weird.

Going viral on Instagram:

Jewelry stores should just be like: Whether you’re trying to be nice or trying to get laid, we got you covered.

Shared recently on Slack:

What can I buy my wife for Valentine’s Day that finally proves to her once and for all that I have absolutely no idea what she likes or who she is?

Trending via Facebook:

I’m blunt because the universe rolled me that way.

Breaking via Facebook:

I never thought I would say this, and it took me a while to come to terms, but I think I ate too much bacon.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I feel bad for Slash. He bought a goofy hat in like 1986 and now he has to wear it until the day he dies.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

No kids at my wedding. Gonna Uber the flower girl home when she’s done.

Play the Grindr notification noise at Christmas dinner to see which conservative relatives panickedly check their phone ringer.

If ever go missing, please only put pictures of me on the news where I look skinny and hot even if that means they won’t find me.

My birthday wish is for everyone to ignore my birthday.

“Still gangsta” I whisper to myself as I drink my chamomile tea with a heating pad on my back.

My apologies to your congregation. I totally misunderstood when you asked for missionary volunteers.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨