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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

On the internet it’s super easy to take credit for stuff you had nothing to do with. That’s why I invented it.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Writing cover letters feels soooo “Ever since I was a little boy, I knew I wanted to be an administrative assistant when I grew up.”

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

If I’m ever in a coma, please pluck my chin hairs.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

None of this matters and we are all going to die. Have a great weekend!

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Thinking about stepping down from being an adult, I’m just not in the right headspace for this position right now. I really appreciate the opportunity though.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

I was going to do some yoga today, but had a donut instead.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

She’s probably just not using her phone right now for the first time ever in her whole life.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

You give my middle finger an erection.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

Why does it take 5-7 business days to refund my money when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out of my account?

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

If you shouldn’t go food shopping when you’re hungry, then you should definitely not go clothes shopping when you’re naked. Trust me on this.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,437

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

You know when you tap a video to see how long it’s got left? I wish you could do that to people while they’re talking.

Trending via Facebook:

If a ham is allowed to spiral then so am I.

Spotted on TikTok:

Me, first week as a volunteer firefighter thinking we only rescue cats: We’re going where?

Breaking via Threads:

“There are lots of benefits to working here. We have fun social events and activities after work!” And what are the benefits?

Just shared via Discord:

Have you ever “accidentally” eaten a family sized bag of chips?

Seen just now on Snapchat:

80 percent of my life now is just “hmmmm… should I bring my jacket or not?”

Shared recently on Telegram:

Shout out to all you people out there who get asked if you’re okay a lot even though that’s the only facial expression you have.

Going viral on TikTok:

The only team building exercise we had when I started working was called “Happy Hour.”

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

College core: you sit in the class for attendance, then go home and teach yourself.

Spotted on Twitch:

Fruit and vegetables expire faster when you’re the one paying for them.

I grew up ugly, so I had to be funny, and then got hot in my twenties, so that’s how I became perfect.

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I grew up ugly, so I had to be funny, and then got hot in my twenties, so that’s how I became perfect.
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Commentary:
Glow up goals achieved: from a caterpillar comedian to a hot butterfly! 🐛➡️🦋😂

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

79 shares on Twitch this month:

At this point of my celibacy, I can see the same colors as mantis shrimp. What do you know about blorange and gurple?

77 shares on TikTok this month:

Even Hotmail is hotter than me.

96 shares on Pinterest this month:

Worst fears: 1. being infertile 2. being pregnant.

12 shares on Reddit this month:

God: “I don’t regret the Flood, but I do regret the Ark.”

32 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m bringing back “hold your horses” and nobody can stop me.

91 shares on Reddit this month:

Just bought a new umbrella for the person that finds it tomorrow.

68 shares on Twitch this month:

Handshakes should be banned. Touch our naked body parts together for all the world to see? Gross!

78 shares on Discord this month:

Just gave my boyfriend an incorrect direction in the car, and he sighed and muttered to himself, “Never assign to malice what can be attributed to incompetence.”

87 shares on Facebook this month:

Need to win the lottery so I can focus on going to museums and working out.

30 shares on Twitch this month:

Behind every great tweet is a person rolling their eyes.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Listen to the birds, not the news.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I need a long hot meteor shower.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Life is short, unless you’re listening to a kid describing an episode of PAW Patrol.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I will always be hotter than everyone who hates me.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

As a kid, I was worried about randomly disappearing into the Bermuda Triangle forever. As an adult, I’m wondering how I can actually make that happen.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Someone called me strict today, and that means a lot to me because I’m a recovering people pleaser.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Theo Von’s entire life is like a raccoon that visits New York City.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

When the job market is so bad that you’re going to follow your dreams instead.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Anyone who thinks being a pessimist isn’t any fun fails to appreciate the joy of saying, ‘I told you so.’

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Could you even imagine the crime rate if no one drank coffee or ate bacon.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,488

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

Woke up feeling not too shabby for a 60-year-old. The only problem is I’m still in my 40s.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

A big part of my wife’s cardio routine is rolling away from me in bed.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

Adulthood is about being able to eat cookies for breakfast, but not doing it because you already ate all the cookies.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

I’m a “I have an appointment later, so I can’t do anything else for the rest of the day” kind of person.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

There’s protein in foods that have never been protein before.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

I’m broke — I got money, but it’s for responsibilities.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

The only thing preventing me from moving to Finland is the language barrier and a job.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

Welcome to your 40’s: you’re not hungover, it’s just Tuesday.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

A bad relationship can ruin a good song.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

I wonder if it’s possible to swim from one end to the other in a pool filled with mashed potatoes.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via TikTok:

If I were a bird, I know who I’d poop on.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

All I’ve ever wanted is to look good naked, hope that someone can take it.

Going viral on Messenger:

I don’t hate you, I just don’t want to see you alive.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Half of Twitter is horny, half is depressed, and the other half don’t know how to do math.

Seen just now on Slack:

Using my one phone call to call Santa.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Of all her outfits, my shirt and no underwear will always be my favorite.

Just landed via Instagram:

My plant is drunk, it’s growing in the wrong direction.

Breaking via TikTok:

Girls won’t admit it, but they don’t like super fine dudes; they like medium ugly, funny dudes that dress nice.

Breaking via TikTok:

Using ChatGPT requires you to actually be smart; otherwise, it just regurgitates your dumb takes back to you.

Shared recently on Slack:

Why be just a part of the solution when you can be the whole problem?

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