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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

I can’t believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician. I was just sitting there doing nothing.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

I have no need to judge people because of their religion, skin color or sexual orientation. Bad behavior is enough for me.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

Summer body? Folks, I’m cosplaying as a potato that’s seen some things.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

You have hopes and dreams. I have nopes and screams.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

Normalize saying “better you than me” to people who keep complaining about everything.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

I enjoy long walks in the woods, but only because there’s a chance I’ll get eaten by a bear.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

I hate it when my pillow is not pillowing like it should. You have one job. Be a pillow man. You are pillow. Act like one!

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

Anybody else not stopped farting this evening? Asking for a friend.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

We go together like coffee and cigarettes.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

If I had known I looked this sexy in glasses, I would’ve stopped being able to see a long time ago.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,250

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WeChat:

Don’t buy roses for her, buy chicken nuggets. Show her you really care.

Going bananas on X:

Caffeine isn’t cutting it anymore. I need to eat a gun.

Just landed via Slack:

I think it’s very sexy of me to still move with love in a world like this.

Spotted on WeChat:

If anime hair were real, there would be so much color dysmorphia. Like, imagine getting brown. I would be so pissed.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

And to my children, I leave 127 open tabs on Safari.

Trending via Facebook:

I was living in the moment until I was evicted.

Making waves on X:

Another day of waking up cute instead of wealthy, so I guess I have to go to work.

Just shared via Threads:

I think it is mandatory, especially in the morning, to be quiet.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Starting a new life today, bye.

Making waves on Twitch:

Your secret is safe with me and my sister.

I hate interviewing. Just hire me. I stand on business, for real.

3 weeks ago

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Commentary:
When they ask me about my skills, I just tell them I’m fluent in sarcasm and can nap with unmatched diligence 😂💼 #HiredYet?

business, candid, hate, hire, hiring, humor, i, interview, job, just, me, real, stand

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Social Media Stars ⭐

26 shares on Telegram this month:

Love those deep burps that instantly make me feel like I lost 10 lbs.

35 shares on Snapchat this month:

Tell your dog I said woof woof.

72 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Starting conversations with short people by saying “back when I was your height…”

45 shares on Telegram this month:

Not using emoji while texting is my way to show that I’m serious.

86 shares on Snapchat this month:

I don’t need the web for attention, I jog in a wedding dress.

11 shares on Twitch this month:

Most venomous snakes just make “Tsssss”. But I know some that say “Hi”.

39 shares on Instagram this month:

Me and the fellas making welcome gift baskets for the aliens.

44 shares on Pinterest this month:

It’s obvious now that democracy is a busted flush and that in future politicians should be selected via several rigorous rounds of Taskmaster.

55 shares on WhatsApp this month:

How I flirt? I look at an attractive person several times and hope that they are bolder than me.

10 shares on Threads this month:

My swear jar is having a very profitable week.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

Stop asking people over 40 what we like to do for fun. You’re not gonna like the answer.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

On the next episode of Hoarders, they visit my subconscious.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

“This would be better if there was cake” really does ring true in any situation.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

I tried yoga once. I pulled a hamstring and my dignity.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Childbirth seems like an awful lot of work for an already saturated market.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

Worst feeling is playing a game and having nobody to talk to about it.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone?

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

“Thug life,” I whisper to myself as I check out my sunglasses in the mirror.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

“Are you busy tomorrow?” My dear, that entirely depends on the rest of the information you’re about to give me.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

Normalize bed-rotting in the holidays and not feeling guilty about it for your mental health.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on TikTok:

Why can’t men just call you pretty without wording it uncomfortably?

Broadcasted on Telegram:

I miss the way I viewed the world before I found out too much about it.

Breaking via Discord:

Every time someone tries to fight with me online, a middle finger gets its wings.

Shared recently on Slack:

Goodnight to the men who know one woman is enough. The rest can get sleep paralysis.

Shared recently on X:

The older I get, the more I realize that being rushed by someone is a form of manipulation.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

My goal is to do one thing each day that could prevent me from being elected to political office.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Twitter needs a button that’s “bring back that tweet I was just starting to read before you automatically refreshed.”

Going viral on Discord:

Once you realize that the general public is retarded, you stop caring about how crazy you look to them.

Live now on Instagram:

I am listening to Pharrell Williams’ smash hit song “Happy,” and understanding for the first time that it was truly intended to distress.

Breaking via Discord:

Your posts make me wish I could forget how to read.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I hate interviewing. Just hire me. I stand on business, for real.

Shoutout to my kids because they aren’t listening!

Can’t, I’m pulling it together.

Is it smoky eye or were you wearing mascara and your eyes got itchy?

I dreamt this night that I had died and when I woke up, a piece of me was actually already stiff.

I thought I needed a drink. Turns out what I really needed was a divorce.

Autocorrect changed ‘are you around?’ to ‘are you aroused?’ and my buddy didn’t want to hang out today.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I hate interviewing. Just hire me. I stand on business, for real.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Shoutout to my kids because they aren’t listening!

Can’t, I’m pulling it together.

Is it smoky eye or were you wearing mascara and your eyes got itchy?

I dreamt this night that I had died and when I woke up, a piece of me was actually already stiff.

I thought I needed a drink. Turns out what I really needed was a divorce.

Autocorrect changed ‘are you around?’ to ‘are you aroused?’ and my buddy didn’t want to hang out today.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨