Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"I installed a bike rack on my car so my neighbors think I do a lot of active activities, but little do they know it's just for show… 🚲😂 #FakeItTillYouMakeIt"

activity, bike, bike rack, car, drink, else, facade, humor, i, lifestyle, neighbors, rack, something, think

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Quitting my job to rock around the Christmas tree.

0

2 months ago

activity, around, balance, celebration, Christmas, Christmas tree, fun, fun activity, holiday, holiday spirit, job, quitting, quitting job, rock, rocking, spirit, tree, work life, work-life balance
Went for a walk. Very pleasant evening. The squirrels and rabbits kept running away from me. That stung a little. I will remember their faces.

0

2 months ago

away, evening, funny moment, humor, i, little, me, memory, moment, nature, rabbit, remember, running, squirrel, squirrels, walk, wildlife
At 30+, I’m like an old phone battery. Even when you charge me overnight for 10 hours, by midday I’m at 60%.

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2 months ago

30, 30s, age, battery, charge, energy, even, exhaustion, hours, humor, me, midday, old, phone
I don’t hate you, but I hope you run out of hot water before you’re finished your shower.

0

2 months ago

annoyance, before, finished, hate, hope, hot, hot water, humor, i, run, sarcasm, shower, water
Waving at the end of every Zoom call like it’s the 1800s and a big steamship is leaving the harbor.

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3 months ago

1800s, big, call, end, every, farewell, farewell gesture, gesture, harbor, humor, leaving, meeting, nostalgia, steamship, video, video call, virtual, virtual meeting, waving, Zoom, Zoom call
My retirement plan is recording a hit Christmas song. I just need to learn how to sing and write music.

0

2 months ago

career, career change, change, Christmas, Christmas song, funny idea, hit, hit song, i, idea, just, learn, music, need, plan, recording, retirement, retirement plan, sing, singing, song

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

23 shares on Snapchat this month:

The best part of the relationship is before you meet them, and you’re single.

74 shares on YouTube this month:

More dangerous than a lion that roars is a woman gone silent.

66 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m just falling in love with my problems now. Maybe they’ll leave me too.

88 shares on Facebook this month:

So I just checked my bank account, and it looks like for Christmas I am getting everyone the thought that counts.

27 shares on Discord this month:

You don’t need to leave a message in a bottle. If the bottle is full of tequila, I’ll get the message.

83 shares on TikTok this month:

Scared to go on dates, cause what if I find the one and never be able to be single again.

29 shares on X this month:

I’ve accepted I’ll never retire. I’ll be working up until my funeral… probably using a vacation day for it.

32 shares on X this month:

When this multivitamin kicks in I’m going to do so much success.

88 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sometimes the whole point of going out is to then really savor coming back home.

21 shares on Discord this month:

My favorite part about having a Peloton is telling people I have a Peloton.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

I only use ‘sir’ disrespectfully.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

The part right before bench pressing when you’re laying down but not lifting is so good.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

I did 30 minutes of chores, time for a 7-hour break.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

For once, I’d like to spiral into control.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

Gonna spend today following my cats into the kitchen and meowing at them until they give me treats.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

I’m going to be real pissed if I get my shit together and the world ends.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Please do not ask a bookworm if they are going to finish the books they have before buying more. It is very offensive in our culture.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

UK rappers be like “I’ve got a posh flat and my bird is very comely, I own more motors than the marchioness of cholmondeley”

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

If you want to complain about my driving at least calm down and get off my hood first.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

If they played poker with potato chips, I’d have a gambling problem.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Discord:

Women know the exact weight of their children and their age in days. Men just know that little people live with them.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I’m naturally funny because my life is a joke.

Trending via Snapchat:

Stopped using exclamation points in work messages so my coworkers know they’ve killed my spirit.

Seen just now on Discord:

Using Indeed feels like being an ugly guy on a dating app.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

You should always wear a helmet when doing dangerous things or talking about politics.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I hate porn that starts off with sex. I need to know why they have sex.

Just landed via Threads:

Getting older just means that you have to start eating all the sad foods.

Breaking via YouTube:

When you think about it, Jesus really accomplished a lot in the four months between Christmas and Easter.

Spotted on YouTube:

You never realize how long a minute is until you’re doing cardio.

Going viral on Threads:

I deserve a treat when I have a bad week, but I also deserve a treat when I have a good week. I simply always deserve treats.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I installed a bike rack on my car so my neighbors think I do something else besides drink.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Quitting my job to rock around the Christmas tree.

Went for a walk. Very pleasant evening. The squirrels and rabbits kept running away from me. That stung a little. I will remember their faces.

At 30+, I’m like an old phone battery. Even when you charge me overnight for 10 hours, by midday I’m at 60%.

I don’t hate you, but I hope you run out of hot water before you’re finished your shower.

Waving at the end of every Zoom call like it’s the 1800s and a big steamship is leaving the harbor.

My retirement plan is recording a hit Christmas song. I just need to learn how to sing and write music.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨