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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

Tailgating me while I’m going 90 in a 45 is crazy. And those red and blue lights on top of your car look stupid, btw, lol.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

How is it still this week?

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

Every day, I’m gaslit into oblivion by beautiful women, and then I go to sleep.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

I am like a wildflower, a quiet rebellion blooming through ruins and dust.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

My tween would like you to know I ruined his life when I told him to stop being super sus and cringe and be more lit yo.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

I eat posts like yours for breakfast.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

Coffee is better when you have no work.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

I hate when the iPhone corrects ‘Omw’ to ‘On my way!’. Man, I am not that excited.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

I survived a Monday, and for what? Tuesday? Disgusting.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

The empty side of your bed is for books and chocolate, not for liars who snore.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,703

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

I got Botox, and I asked the doctor, “How many years younger will this make me look?” and he was like, “Zero. You’ll just look like the other girls your age who have also gotten Botox.”

Making waves on Slack:

I hate when people set alarms and it wakes up everybody except for them.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I’m the type of idiot to be loyal during the talking stage.

I lied, there’s no sex. Can you tell me a bedtime story?

3 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Who needs bedtime action when you can have bedtime fiction? 🛌📖😴

bedtime, bedtime story, conversation, humor, i, joke, lie, me, relationship, sex, story, tell

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I never had kids because little kids see too many ghosts and that’s something I’d rather not know about.

0

2 months ago

childhood, fear, ghosts, humor, i, ID, kids, know, knowledge, little, never, parenting, something, supernatural, too
Nobody talks about the privilege of having a friend who shows interest in your hyperfixations.

0

4 months ago

attention, friend, friendship, having, hyperfixation, interest, nobody, privilege, shows, support
Some women seated next to me are gossiping in French. They obviously think I’m some dumb American who doesn’t speak French and they are correct.

0

2 months ago

American, correct, culture, dumb, french, gossip, humor, language, me, misunderstanding, next, observation, speak, stereotype, think, women
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

0

2 months ago

banker, career, finance, humor, i, interest, job, joke, lost, pun, used
Not using emoji while texting is my way to show that I’m serious.

0

2 months ago

communication, digital, digital humor, emoji, humor, sarcasm, serious, seriousness, show, texting, using, while
A shark could swim faster than me, but I could probably run faster than a shark. So, in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist.

0

2 months ago

better, competition, cycling, cyclist, faster, humor, i, me, run, shark, speed, swim, triathlon

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

60 shares on Telegram this month:

I am not someone you have to entertain if you invite me, because I will have canceled.

43 shares on X this month:

I’m nervous that my diet pill will stick in my throat, so I usually eat a few cookies after to help push it down.

47 shares on Pinterest this month:

Been acting really busy today because I can tell my coworker wants to talk about something in his personal life.

82 shares on WeChat this month:

Humming & dancing while I plop my meds into my weekly pill counter like the happy little nutcase I am.

61 shares on Discord this month:

I was going to warn my kids about the repercussions of drugs and alcohol until I realized that they in fact were the repercussions of drugs and alcohol.

63 shares on Slack this month:

I suck at charging my phone, 21 percent charged, and I’m taking it off so I can lay the other way.

64 shares on Slack this month:

The masculine urge to hitch your pants up after making a minor decision.

29 shares on Instagram this month:

I’d end my life from loneliness before I ever talk to ChatGPT like it’s my friend.

13 shares on Facebook this month:

I hate when I grab a live wire and everyone sees my damn skeleton.

98 shares on Slack this month:

If you’re a squatter, every day is leg day.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

When someone yells stop, I don’t know if it’s in the name of love, it’s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

Bank account nice and empty. Starting the new month on a clean slate.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

Kid, I have jeans older than you.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

“You handled that with such grace” are words that have never been spoken to me.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

Spending money is too easy. For my bank account’s sake, I need a bridge troll to ask me three riddles before I’m allowed to buy something.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

You should be allowed to leave work early if you are really in love.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

When someone says “I expected more of you”, I’m always like “well who’s fault is that?”

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

I just start doing the Macarena when I want to end conversations now.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

Aliens: We are here to take over. Me: Thank God.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

Hell hath no fury like a toddler getting his nose wiped.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

If you get hangovers, it’s because you drank the beers with impure intentions and heavy karmic debt.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Just because I loved you at one point doesn’t mean I will always love you. I’m not Whitney Houston.

Live now on YouTube:

Yeah, sex is great, but have you ever checked your bank account and had way more money than you expected.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I’m putting free wifi on my gravestone, so people will come visit me.

Just landed via Messenger:

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer the term selective participation.

Going viral on Messenger:

AI could never steal company time the way I do.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Holiday dinners with family are like real life boss levels with the worst loot.

Making waves on Reddit:

Nostalgia isn’t as good as it used to be.

Trending via TikTok:

Babies first steal your glasses and then bite your nose. I don’t know where they get their reputation.

Trending via Threads:

Gonna run this by my two best friends who are as insane as I am.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I lied, there’s no sex. Can you tell me a bedtime story?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I never had kids because little kids see too many ghosts and that’s something I’d rather not know about.

Nobody talks about the privilege of having a friend who shows interest in your hyperfixations.

Some women seated next to me are gossiping in French. They obviously think I’m some dumb American who doesn’t speak French and they are correct.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Not using emoji while texting is my way to show that I’m serious.

A shark could swim faster than me, but I could probably run faster than a shark. So, in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨