Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

Every time I spend my own money, I feel like somebody needs to reimburse me.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

I made a smoothie that needs a spoon.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

Family Guy is so insane because, why were people dating that dog?

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

Grant me the serenity to supernaturally change the things I cannot accept.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

People who have apartment windows that face the street and put their Christmas trees in them, thank you for your service.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

I only see psychics so that I can keep arguing with dead relatives.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

If I would’ve known that you were going to ask me what I was thinking, I wouldn’t have been thinking what I was thinking.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

I read somewhere that playing white noise helps you sleep better, but I didn’t find country music helpful at all.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

Soon as vampires become real, I’m first in line for my bite.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

293 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,562

Funny Quotes Topics

17,616

Funny Quotes Images

15,562

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,265

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

Sleep with each other, or someone else will!

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I’m not sure what everyone at my coworking space does for work, but I’m pretty sure one guy’s job is chewing.

Just shared via TikTok:

11 out of 10 women are always right.

Live now on Instagram:

When you are a leg-bouncer and someone asks you to stop, it’s like they’re asking you to stop your own heart.

Making waves on Messenger:

The adjective for metal is metallic, but not so for iron, which is ironic.

Just landed via Slack:

Thanksgiving ain’t been the same ever since my uncle pulled that gun out on everybody.

Just landed via YouTube:

At the club asking for Ibuprofen.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I’m sorry I pretended I was dead when I saw you in public.

Making waves on Twitch:

Current state of politics: The circus is on fire but the monkey is fine.

Making waves on Pinterest:

All these self-driving vehicles… It’s only a matter of time before we hear a country song about his truck leaving him.

I lied, there’s no sex. I just needed help getting out of my skinny jeans.

4 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Turns out the real magic trick was squeezing out of those jeans 🎩👖😅"

clothing, fashion, getting, help, honesty, humor, i, jean, jeans, just, lie, relationship, sex, skinny, skinny jean, struggle

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Please help my husband and I decide on dinner. We’ve narrowed it down to “It doesn’t matter” and “It’s your turn to choose”.

2 months ago

choice, communication, couple, decision, dinner, food, help, humor, husband, i, relationship, turn
Just a little reminder to laugh as much as you can, stay hydrated, and don’t let shitty people kill your vibe.

2 months ago

attitude, humor, hydrated, hydration, just, kill, laugh, let, little, motivation, much, people, positivity, reminder, self-care, stay, vibe
Why do plane tickets have to be so expensive? You’re literally going that way anyway. Just give me a ride.

2 months ago

cost, expensive, give, going, humor, irony, just, me, plane, plane ticket, ride, ticket, transportation, travel
Grateful for independence mostly because British food is gross.

2 months ago

British, British food, culture, food, grateful, gratitude, gross, humor, independence, joke, taste
A good audiobook will have you inventing chores to do.

2 weeks ago

audiobook, chore, chores, entertainment, good, humor, multitasking, procrastination
‘Sex with your ex’ is so stupid. If you want to dwell on the past, you can just buy a history book.

2 months ago

book, buy, ex, history, humor, just, nostalgia, past, relationship, sex, stupid, want

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

59 shares on Threads this month:

I may not be the smartest or most athletic man in the world. There’s no second part to this, keep scrolling.

50 shares on Threads this month:

The word Ohio looks like a tractor.

87 shares on WeChat this month:

Dear Snapchat memory, that’s not my friend anymore.

81 shares on Messenger this month:

Don’t be boring. Create the gossip you would like to hear.

15 shares on Instagram this month:

Just pulled a Werther’s Original out of my pocket, like I’m 87 years old.

98 shares on Reddit this month:

Much like a candle, I was tall when I was young, but I get shorter as I grow old.

11 shares on Facebook this month:

When you’re over 40 and a part of your body starts hurting for no reason that is nature sending a “what ya doing?” text.

62 shares on Reddit this month:

Parents be like “don’t believe everything you see on the internet” then believe everything they see on Facebook.

64 shares on TikTok this month:

Some 100 private jets will fly to Venice for Jeff Bezos’ wedding, and I recycle yoghurt cup lids.

38 shares on Telegram this month:

I don’t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

Man, these end times are taking forever.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

Netflix will help you finish spelling the name of the movie you’re looking for, and then tell you they don’t have it.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

I don’t understand why judges get paid so much, others judge me for free.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

God: “I used to work in mysterious ways but now I’m unemployed.”

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

Wanna perform obscene blood rituals under the full moon, or nah?

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

I got Botox, and I asked the doctor, “How many years younger will this make me look?” and he was like, “Zero. You’ll just look like the other girls your age who have also gotten Botox.”

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Before ball parks were invented there was pretty much no way to give someone a rough estimate.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

Why does everyone force introverts to leave their comfort zone, but no one forces extroverts to shut up for a while?

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

I don’t drink and drive, but some people drive me to drink.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

I cheat on my taxes by sleeping with other people’s taxes.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

From now on, I’m gonna tell guests that I made my house especially messy just for their visit. It was hard, but I got it done.

Just shared via Slack:

Spotify Wrapped? Next year, maybe you should try to be in the top .05% of listeners to your girlfriend.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

The internal struggle between wanting to be productive and just wanting to nap all day.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

If your coffee shop has a passive-aggressive ‘no Wi-Fi, pretend it’s the old days’ sign, I’m gonna smoke in there and pay 50 cents for coffee.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Being excited to get in bed is a different level of adulting.

Going viral on Facebook:

I’ve had 50 birthdays in a row without being arrested, which I’d say is an impressive streak!

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Twitter is fun because you can post a pic of pizza and people will get mad at you.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

My superpower is holding onto stuff for years and throwing it away exactly one week before I need it.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Is stir-fry the only dish where the instructions are in the name?

Breaking via Threads:

I’m an adult in the same way a tomato is a fruit.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I lied, there’s no sex. I just needed help getting out of my skinny jeans.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Please help my husband and I decide on dinner. We’ve narrowed it down to “It doesn’t matter” and “It’s your turn to choose”.

Just a little reminder to laugh as much as you can, stay hydrated, and don’t let shitty people kill your vibe.

Why do plane tickets have to be so expensive? You’re literally going that way anyway. Just give me a ride.

Grateful for independence mostly because British food is gross.

A good audiobook will have you inventing chores to do.

‘Sex with your ex’ is so stupid. If you want to dwell on the past, you can just buy a history book.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨