I lied, there’s no sex. I just needed help getting out of my skinny jeans.

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Don’t ever get excited if your kid likes a new food. They won’t like it tomorrow.

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Our childhood photos might be ugly but those smiles were definitely not fake.

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“I’m doing better than my parents at my age. They had, like, no followers.”

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Pretending to be a well-adjusted, functioning adult is so exhausting.

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Notifications are a reminder that you exist.

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Can’t, I’m raging against the machine.

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Caught my son chewing on electrical wires. So, I grounded him. He’s doing better currently and conducting himself properly.