Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

People that ask Grok “Is this true” are the reason our society is getting dumber by the minute.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

Only money has the right to say “you’ll regret losing me”. The rest of you calm down.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

Good morning to everyone except people that talk to the cashier about their entire day.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

What’s wrong, babe? You’ve hardly touched my mixed signals.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

It’s so cold that men who wear shorts outside in the winter are wearing TWO pairs of shorts.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

The sun really clocks out for the day before I do. That’s insane.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

I have friends in high places (birds).

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

I lied, there is no sex. You’re helping me repot plants.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

A fun thing to do at work is call in sick and stay home.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

The good news is that I’ve been finding new ways to waste my time.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,258

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Messenger:

Stop trying to be liked by everybody. You don’t even like everybody.

Just shared via WeChat:

A 20% discount sounds great until you realize you can’t afford the other 80%

Just landed via Threads:

Why steal office supplies from work when you could take an extra-long bathroom break and steal company time instead?

Shared recently on Twitch:

I can cope well with most situations. Hearing someone smack is not one of them.

Making waves on Slack:

If you’re 20, please stop saying you’re tired. I have bananas older than you.

Trending via Pinterest:

Roses are red. Pizza sauce is too. I ordered a large. And none of it’s for you.

Trending via Twitch:

I don’t simply want to kill a mosquito; I want to bite them back over and over to make them itch.

Seen just now on X:

I like that blood pressure kits come with a free, handy zip-up bag that your stuff will never fit in again once you take it out.

Making waves on Reddit:

I don’t even want a new year this year. I’ll take a lightly used 2006, if it’s available.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Women’s skincare is so confusing. Am I supposed to look shiny and sweaty, or matte like cement?

I miss the old days back in the 70s, when I didn’t exist.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the good old days, when my only responsibility was not existing! 😅🕺✨

70s, back, days, exist, existence, humor, i, miss, nostalgia, old, past, time

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

So many spreadsheets and not once did I feel excelled.

0

2 months ago

excel, feel, humor, i, irony, joke, office, once, productivity, spreadsheet, work
Don’t disrespect me and then be the moral compass on how I respond.

0

2 months ago

attitude, comeback, compass, disrespect, humor, i, me, moral, moral compass, respond, response
The problem with leading by example is that no one pays attention.

0

2 months ago

attention, authority, example, humor, irony, leadership, motivation, problem
A McRib killed my tapeworm.

0

2 months ago

diet, fast, fast food, food, humor, joke, killed, McRib, tapeworm
I need something good to watch while I’m on my phone.

0

2 months ago

activity, distraction, entertainment, good, humor, i, need, phone, something, watch
It’s pretty apt that the ‘i’ is in the middle of ‘hurricane’.

0

2 months ago

humor, hurricane, i, irony, language, letter, middle, pretty, wit, wordplay

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

82 shares on Reddit this month:

My bed is from Ikea, so it’s more unstable than i am.

96 shares on Twitch this month:

You can’t keep running away from your problems, you’re getting older and your kids are getting faster.

98 shares on Messenger this month:

Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by saying they look tired.

52 shares on TikTok this month:

Someone needs to press pause on this weekend.

62 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Why aren’t we using these t-shirt cannons for burritos?

67 shares on Threads this month:

Friends with benefits, but it’s just that they make delicious baked goods.

19 shares on WhatsApp this month:

It was so hot today, I thought I was going to be cremated.

35 shares on X this month:

I like how people say “travel safely” like I’m the one flying the plane.

22 shares on TikTok this month:

I’ve saved every episode of Hoarders.

66 shares on TikTok this month:

Having a bathroom switch outside a bathroom and a sibling is a bad combination.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

Roses are red, tacos are delicious. I use paper plates, ’cause I hate doing dishes.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Saving up ketchup packets in the fridge so I can one day open my own restaurant.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

Ever think vampires just lied about hating garlic, now we’re just out here seasoning ourselves for them?

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

“Can you explain the gap in your resume?” I went missing in a national park.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

My recliner and I go way back.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

Bragging about how I’ve “really turned my life around recently” without mentioning in which direction.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

That awkward moment your mom is doing the dishes and you slowly put your dish in the sink.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Life is short. Make sure you spend as much time as possible on the web arguing with strangers.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Last night my guardian angel came to me, covered me up, gave me a kiss on the forehead and whispered in my ear: “You’re a pain in the ass!”

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Jesus turned water into wine. I turn food into fertilizer. We are not the same.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WhatsApp:

When you first meet a man, that fake version of him be so fire.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

It’s okay, wobbly chair, I’m unstable too.

Breaking via Slack:

Have to connect the printer to my new laptop, and my goal is to cry no more than three times.

Shared recently on X:

Whatever you ask the Universe for under this post, you will get next week.

Trending via Pinterest:

I like to swear a lot so that people will keep their kids away from me.

Just shared via Discord:

You never know how strong you are until someone’s story runs more than 5 minutes long.

Breaking via Reddit:

Do you want to sit on the porch with me until we die or not?

Making waves on Twitch:

I keep my mind active by worrying.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Yeah, I work at the fart bar. Yup. I’m a fartender. Farts on me tonight!

Making waves on Facebook:

It’s romantic to fall in love during the collapse of society.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I miss the old days back in the 70s, when I didn’t exist.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

So many spreadsheets and not once did I feel excelled.

Don’t disrespect me and then be the moral compass on how I respond.

The problem with leading by example is that no one pays attention.

A McRib killed my tapeworm.

I need something good to watch while I’m on my phone.

It’s pretty apt that the ‘i’ is in the middle of ‘hurricane’.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨