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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

LinkedIn: where you desperately hope that one idiot you had a drink with six years ago can somehow help get you a job.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

She doesn’t want flowers, she wants to invoke an ancient curse.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

My children are very helpful. For example, when I ask them to do something, they suggest a different child that could do it instead.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Girl, you gotta try this healing potion. It’s called beer.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

I liked the version of you from the other dimension better.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

I will selflessly protect my family from a life of diabetes by eating all the sweets myself.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

I really love how squirrels get extra chubby heading into winter mostly because it’s super relatable.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Unfortunately, I do enjoy watching the downfall of people who did me wrong.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

Roses are red, violets are blue. When I listen to rock music, my neighbors do too.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Sorry, but if you’re walking slower than me on the sidewalk, you’re my enemy. Walking faster than me? Also my enemy. Now if you’re walking at the same speed as me… hmm, yeah, I’m thinking enemy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,228

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.

Freshly posted on X:

My mom sent me a text message so long I had to refill my Adderall prescription to read it.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I suppose someone has to do all the consuming and obeying.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Managers want a week of silence and meditation in order to be even more of a manager afterwards.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Can’t believe penguins have to publish all those books with their tiny hands.

Just landed via YouTube:

Dear wallet, please get pregnant.

Live now on X:

That awkward moment when you spend an hour online picking out a gift for your friend’s son’s birthday and Amazon tells you it’s been a year since you bought this item.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Look, the problem with The Life of a Showgirl is that, for maybe the first time in her music career, Taylor Swift has nothing to say.

Going bananas on Discord:

Am simultaneously the family’s black sheep and gold star, and that’s exactly why I’m the way I am.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I tried yoga once. I pulled a hamstring and my dignity.

I secretly want you to say no when I offer you some of my cake.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When sharing is caring, but cake is the ultimate relationship test 🍰😜

cake, desire, food, humor, i, offer, relationship, say, secret, temptation, want

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You know what’s worse than someone’s phone alarm playing the tune over and over? Someone else who starts whistling along.

0

2 months ago

alarm, along, annoyance, distraction, else, humor, know, over, phone, playing, repetition, someone, tune, whistling, worse
It’s crazy that we’re closer to the year 3000 then I am to finding love.

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2 months ago

am, closer, crazy, date, finding, future, humor, i, irony, loneliness, love, relationship, time, year
Once you’ve been single for a long time, you realize how exhausting relationships can be.

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2 months ago

exhausting, humor, long time, once, realization, realize, relationships, single, time
Meetings are just podcasts I didn’t choose.

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4 months ago

choose, communication, humor, i, just, meeting, meetings, podcast, work
You get to choose which path you take. I see some of you have chosen the psychopath.

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2 months ago

choice, choose, decision, humor, i, life, life choice, path, psychopath, take
Sorry, I booped your nose, but I was really hoping it was a mute button.

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5 months ago

apology, boop, button, communication, hoping, humor, i, joke, mute, mute button, nose, sorry, sound

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

13 shares on Pinterest this month:

When you wish you could tell someone that won’t stop talking “Okay, we’re out of time today”, just like a therapist.

23 shares on YouTube this month:

Shy with a mean resting face is a crazy combo.

62 shares on Messenger this month:

Commenting “This could be us” on her pics with her boyfriend.

66 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My rock bottom keeps refreshing.

92 shares on TikTok this month:

I should have peed before I left, and other things I’ll never learn: A memoir

35 shares on Threads this month:

Whoever told you there’s no such thing as a stupid question lied.

79 shares on WeChat this month:

If you’re reading a book in public, you better be on at least page 140 or something.

95 shares on Slack this month:

I think my dog always follows me to the bathroom because I always follow him outside and he thinks that’s the way it works.

90 shares on Threads this month:

I am so out of shape right now, that if someone yelled “run for your life!” I’d be like “ya’ll go ahead, I’m meetin’ Jesus today!”

79 shares on Discord this month:

Every weekend has two days: Saturday and It’s Monday Tomorrow.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

I just paid my taxes. The roads should be fixed any day now.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

My future husband is probably enjoying a nice summer with his first wife… but the seeds of discontent are there.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

Lie about the gap in your resume. Tell them you had to help some Hobbits take a ring to Mordor or something.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

Desperately seeking my soul, mate.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

“Oh, I’d love to but I can’t.” Translation: I don’t want to so I won’t.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

“Please feel free to ignore this email!” Way ahead of you, buddy.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

Getting so tangled in the sex shop bead curtain that they have to put me down like a horse with a broken leg.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

People who have apartment windows that face the street and put their Christmas trees in them, thank you for your service.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Always remember you’re someone’s reason to smile. Because you’re a joke.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

My son was praying for “everybody in the world.” If you suddenly start experiencing good fortune, you’re welcome.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

I hate people that talk to their Apple watch. Fake Power Rangers.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I used to be so graceful, now I am like a puppy with a box stuck on her head.

Going viral on X:

Most venomous snakes just make “Tsssss”. But I know some that say “Hi”.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

I’ve woken up yet again without an emotional support capybara.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Lord, please take this gas out of my stomach and put it in my car.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Never underestimate my ability to stare out a window and not speak for hours on a car ride.

Just landed via X:

Listen to your body? The body that craves a lethal amount of Kinder Bueno?

Freshly posted on Twitch:

When I die, I want to come back as a speed bump so I can piss people off.

Making waves on YouTube:

I hate when recipes tell you to take something out of the pan and add it back in later. No way bro. It’s staying in there.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Crossing things off my to-do list… I didn’t do them, I just don’t want them on my list anymore.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I secretly want you to say no when I offer you some of my cake.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

You know what’s worse than someone’s phone alarm playing the tune over and over? Someone else who starts whistling along.

It’s crazy that we’re closer to the year 3000 then I am to finding love.

Once you’ve been single for a long time, you realize how exhausting relationships can be.

Meetings are just podcasts I didn’t choose.

You get to choose which path you take. I see some of you have chosen the psychopath.

Sorry, I booped your nose, but I was really hoping it was a mute button.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨