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Keep scrolling, Iโ€™ve got nothing.

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If these walls could talk, they would definitely say “Wow, this guy really does add cheese to everything after all!”

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If cats could text you back, they wouldn’t.

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Hey, sorry I acted weird the other day. I was trying so hard to act normal that it backfired.

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Being an adult is getting excited about buying new appliances.

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My handwriting makes a pharmacist look like a calligrapher.

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An adult is a person who makes noise when they stand up.

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By the time he entered rehab, Popeye was more spinach than sailor man.

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Special Offer: Save 100% when you don’t buy anything.

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My optimism doesnโ€™t come out of thin air. A flask is involved.

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I shall have another coffee, for I am sleeping standing.

I shall have another coffee, for I am sleeping standing.

Commentary:
Sounds like you've unlocked the ninja skill of sleep-standing! โ˜•๏ธ๐Ÿ˜ด๐Ÿง˜โ€โ™‚๏ธ

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