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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

“Home Alone” is a holiday reminder that peace begins the moment everyone leaves the house.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

Who called them sea lions and not soggy doggies?

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

Sorry I didn’t get you an anniversary card, babe, but you opted in to paperless affection on our third date.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” is my favorite story about how everyone treats you like shit until they need something from you.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

The only thing longer than the opening ceremony of the Olympics is the opening ceremony of my eyes in the morning.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

After a vacation, I usually return to work with a fresh, reenergized hatred for my job.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

I’m not a perfectionist. I’m more of a good-enoughist.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

“Clean” my shower? Then what? Give my car a ride into town?

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

At least 80% of my day is spent holding back my inappropriate thoughts.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

Every house has a smell that only the people living in it don’t smell.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,301

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Telegram:

Naps are tricky. Either you wake up relaxed and refreshed, or you have a headache, a dry throat and no idea what year it is.

Just shared via Messenger:

On my way to HR again for nicknaming my coworker “Mastercard” because they take credit for other people’s work.

Just landed via Discord:

Keep posting, I’m diagnosing you.

Just shared via Discord:

Not now, I’m befriending a crow and teaching it how to deliver handwritten love notes.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Life’s too short to remove the USB drive safely.

Going bananas on Twitch:

I love being single because how could I explain a 2 p.m. – 5 p.m. nap on a Saturday.

Going viral on TikTok:

What if aliens watch our movies about aliens and then invade accordingly in hopes of fitting in with our culture?

Spotted on Reddit:

They should invent someone who holds me.

I think something is so beautifully wrong with you.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"You're like a Picasso painting – wonderfully abstract and delightfully puzzling! 🎨😄"

compliment, humor, i, playful, relationship, sarcasm, something, teasing, think, wit, wrong

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’ve tasted being employed, and I’ve tasted being unemployed. I recommend not being born.

0

2 months ago

being, born, employed, employment, existential, humor, humor quote, i, job, life, recommend, sarcasm, unemployed, unemployment, work
Can’t wait for the day off from work so I can sit on the couch at home and stare at the TV screen while thinking about work.

0

2 months ago

couch, day, day off, home, humor, i, leisure, procrastination, relaxation, screen, sit, stare, staycation, thinking, TV, wait, while, work
Seven wives and no alcohol? No thanks, Mormons.

0

2 months ago

alcohol, humor, joke, lifestyle, Mormons, relationship, thanks, wif
Going to ask seven friends for advice and then execute my original plan.

0

2 months ago

advice, ask, decision making, friends, going, humor, original, plan, procrastination, strategy
I want a girlfriend so she can make me do shit like pottery, and I act like I don’t want to go.

0

4 months ago

act, activity, date, girlfriend, i, me, pottery, relationship, reluctance, shit, want
I bet my calculator app wrapped would be pretty shameful.

0

2 months ago

app, bet, calculator, humor, i, pretty, shame, wrap, wrapped

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

19 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’ll see you in court (at the marriage registry) (I love you)

47 shares on Messenger this month:

My favorite part of parenting is when they’re asleep.

10 shares on Telegram this month:

It’s not about the cards you’re dealt, but how you play the hand you’ve got hidden up your sleeve.

64 shares on YouTube this month:

Honestly, I don’t even play an active role in my life any more. Things just happen and I’m like “I guess this is what we’re doing now.”

20 shares on Slack this month:

I don’t need therapy. I need everyone who’s ever wronged me to suddenly feel a chill and not know why.

11 shares on Messenger this month:

Don’t worry, bro. She’s probably just working on a puzzle right now. She’ll get back to you.

27 shares on Reddit this month:

Gotta find someone you’re thermostatically compatible with. You can’t be a 74 dating a 62.

69 shares on Snapchat this month:

My boyfriend moved in with me straight from Hotel Mama. In a way, I’m now a single parent.

98 shares on Snapchat this month:

I don’t understand all the fuss about ChatGPT – I have teenagers who already know everything.

98 shares on Messenger this month:

Sometimes nature makes art, like trees, waterfalls, and the human butt.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Insomnia is embarrassing. How can I be so bad at something that literally involves doing nothing?

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

Nobody’s more stubborn than an Android person that won’t switch to iPhone.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

My Christmas letter this year includes a bonus DVD of my colonoscopy.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

I’m still tired from yesterday’s tired.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

They say money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

Sharing wired earphones is a forgotten form of intimacy.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

Nothing you want to do has a timeline.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

Stupid cow blocking the road. HOW DAIRY!

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

Can’t argue with a guy that has curly hair. Whatever you say, gorgeous.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Some of you need to be visited by the ghost of ‘Quit emailing me so much before Christmas.’

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

The lioness does not concern herself with the pile of clothes she moves between bed and chair every day.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Dear LOL, thanks for being there when I have nothing else to say.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Some people can start a task and then just finish it instead of trying to do a hundred things at once, like a squirrel on crack.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Washing machine minutes are not the same as regular minutes.

Going viral on Threads:

Going to the gym for my health and wellbeing? No, I just wanna look good naked.

Spotted on Instagram:

Beer is like weed for people with jobs.

Just shared via Slack:

The final stage of being single is when you listen to a love song and no one comes to mind; at that point, you’ve achieved absolute singularity.

Live now on TikTok:

My kids will never appreciate the amount of extroverting the introvert me does for them.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

It’s a shame that you can’t hold people up to the light like banknotes to see whether they are fake or real.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I think something is so beautifully wrong with you.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’ve tasted being employed, and I’ve tasted being unemployed. I recommend not being born.

Can’t wait for the day off from work so I can sit on the couch at home and stare at the TV screen while thinking about work.

Seven wives and no alcohol? No thanks, Mormons.

Going to ask seven friends for advice and then execute my original plan.

I want a girlfriend so she can make me do shit like pottery, and I act like I don’t want to go.

I bet my calculator app wrapped would be pretty shameful.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨