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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Ah, the magical land of Monday—the gift that keeps not giving!

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m bad at being sad. Three minutes in, and I’m already making fun of my situation.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

A baby cow is called a calf because it’s half a cow. Half cow. Calf. No further questions.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

The inventor of archery: Man, I really wanna stab that guy over there.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

My favorite thing to do is nothing, with no one.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Forrest Gump is a haunting film about how long you have to wait for a bus in America.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

Imagine hating me while I’m just over here being lazy and minding my own business.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

Stop blaming everyone for your problems. Pick one person you really hate and blame them for everything.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Valentine’s Day this week. If you have a crush on me we still have time to get cards and shave.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

I don’t miss calls, I stare at them.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

215 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,484

Funny Quotes Topics

17,554

Funny Quotes Images

15,484

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,366

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

“I asked ChatGPT”. I confided in Amazon. I confessed to McDonald’s. I have an inside joke with Exxon Mobil.

Going bananas on Telegram:

My favorite dance move is trying to get out of my own way.

Just landed via Telegram:

I’m still repaying karmic debt from that time I was 12 and gave the middle finger to a cow at the state fair.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Promising I won’t tell anyone your secret doesn’t include my husband. He’s basically my diary.

Spotted on Messenger:

Had a king sized bed all to myself last night. Must be what Rose felt like on that door.

Spotted on Slack:

So grateful for pillows. My head works hard, it deserves its own bed.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

The most important thing I learned in life, and I can’t stress enough, it doesn’t matter where you went to college. The only thing that matters is that you’re really hot.

Seen just now on YouTube:

It’s completely absurd that Silicon Valley is pushing AI on us before they figured out how to keep fries fresh for longer.

Going viral on Twitch:

Handing the bus driver a $50 bill and telling him “Just drive”.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Apparently it’s inappropriate to yell out “Shots, shots, shots, shots” while your child’s getting immunizations at the pediatrician’s office.

I want an apartment so big, it changes the way I laugh.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When your laugh echoes like a Disney villain's cackle 🏰😆🔊 #DreamBigOrGoHome"

apartment, big, changes, comedy, desire, exaggeration, humor, i, laugh, size, spaciousness, want

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Training a cat is very easy. After a few days, you do what she wants.

0

2 months ago

after, cat, days, easy, humor, pet, relationship, training, wants
A driver that delivers Indian food is called a curryer.

0

2 months ago

curryer, delivery, driver, food, food delivery, humor, indian, Indian food, pun
They need to increase life expectancy so I can squeeze in another mid-life crisis.

0

2 months ago

aging, crisis, existential, existential humor, expectancy, humor, i, life, life expectancy, mid-life, mid-life crisis, need, time
Who wants to do all my adult stuff for me today?

0

5 months ago

adult, delegation, humor, me, procrastination, responsibility, stuff, today, wants
We don’t get a song of the summer this year because we were bad.

0

5 months ago

bad, consequence, humor, music, punishment, song, summer, year
Stay an extra hour in the office and no one cares. Arrive a few minutes late and everyone loses their minds.

0

2 months ago

chaos, everyone, extra, extra hour, hour, humor, late, minds, minutes, office, productivity, rules, stay, time, work, workplace

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

14 shares on LinkedIn this month:

This can’t be the same brain I was using to read 750-page novels in 3 days during middle school.

94 shares on Instagram this month:

How do I un-know people?

91 shares on Messenger this month:

If you don’t like me, remember: it’s mind over matter. I don’t mind, and you don’t matter.

94 shares on Facebook this month:

The reason I stay up late is because I don’t want my free time to end, and tomorrow to start.

36 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Dear unsuccessful applicant, we ultimately decided to split the role between existing staff without paying any of them extra.

34 shares on Telegram this month:

I hope we’re good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people.

55 shares on Messenger this month:

Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer and come out wrinkle free?

38 shares on TikTok this month:

My wife is pretty excited about going away this weekend so I’m not sure she knows I’m coming with her.

92 shares on Telegram this month:

There’s someone in our team who behaves horribly to me and whenever I have to type his name, I’ve taken to using a slightly smaller font size than for everyone else’s.

35 shares on Snapchat this month:

For as long as that song was, you’d think the Ghost Busters would have mentioned their phone number at least once.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

It’s almost impossible to talk to a girl without flirting with her.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

Summer Olympics is just me swimming in sweat and wrestling with my sports bra.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

I overthink, therefore I am.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

I find as I get older it’s the little things that bring me joy. Like embarrassing my children.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

My home security system is just a copy of my paycheck taped to my front door.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

Girls ask for help to open a jar, but can throw a couch during an argument.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

Puberty was a hair-raising experience.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

And no thanking Jesus unless he actually shows up at the ceremony.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

My retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding a buried treasure at some point.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

I exaggerated on my job application and said I wanted to work for a living.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

She was my chai, I was her cake rusk.

Spotted on TikTok:

The Cranberries. Great band name. You pick a fruit and you get to work.

Spotted on Discord:

Nobody shoots annoying people into the sun anymore and that’s why there are so many of them left on earth.

Seen just now on Telegram:

If you really wanna piss someone off when introducing them, make little finger quotation marks in the air when announcing their job title.

Just landed via YouTube:

A beaver is an otter that has studied architecture.

Trending via TikTok:

Group projects taught me how to do everything alone and trust no one.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Considering that doctors are never on time, they should tell you to come a half hour late, not early.

Spotted on Facebook:

This cannot be the cost of living after Jesus paid it all.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I used to be cool and now I say things like “It’s so loud in here, I can’t hear myself think”.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I always tell my kids that it’s okay to make mistakes just as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I want an apartment so big, it changes the way I laugh.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Training a cat is very easy. After a few days, you do what she wants.

A driver that delivers Indian food is called a curryer.

They need to increase life expectancy so I can squeeze in another mid-life crisis.

Who wants to do all my adult stuff for me today?

We don’t get a song of the summer this year because we were bad.

Stay an extra hour in the office and no one cares. Arrive a few minutes late and everyone loses their minds.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨