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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

If I walk into a girl’s house and she got like 50 plants, I know she’s a keeper because she already takes care of a bunch of useless things. What’s one more?

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

I’m not “late”, I’m just very creative with my interpretation of “time”.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Harmonicas are basically for people who like to hear music while they spit.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Not single, not dating, but a secret third thing (quantum entanglement).

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

I miss when The Weeknd made haunted strip club music. Didn’t know how good I had it.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

Sorry I’m late, traffic is exactly how it’s been every day for the past couple years, and I was not expecting that.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

Aliens only abduct the people that are already nuts so no one will believe them when they try and tell everyone.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

“At your big age” is one of my favorite insults.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

Still don’t understand how girls with no jobs be holding iPhones.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

Life is a highway: Too many cars, not enough bathrooms.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

522 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,115

Funny Quotes Topics

17,265

Funny Quotes Images

15,115

Dec 25, 2025

3,931

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

In a parallel universe, there’s a happy me.

Breaking via YouTube:

I accidentally messed up my life. How do I start a new account?

Breaking via Instagram:

I may not be the smartest or most athletic man in the world. There’s no second part to this, keep scrolling.

Making waves on Facebook:

Everyone is gangster until they’re asked to reveal a “fun fact” about themself as part of a work event icebreaker.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Age is just a number that you keep off of Facebook after 35.

Shared recently on Telegram:

They should invent a type of sleeping where you wake up feeling rested.

Breaking via Messenger:

I will never sell out my integrity unless I am offered something for it.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Nowadays, people no longer look for a needle in a haystack, but for errors in a spreadsheet.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Work again? Really? Didn’t I just do that yesterday?

Spotted on Threads:

Can you delete that photo of me? It looks exactly the way I look in real life.

I was at a funeral yesterday and spiced things up by walking over to complete strangers and saying “Ignore what everyone else thinks. I, personally, have no issue with you being here”.

2 months ago

0

I was at a funeral yesterday and spiced things up by walking over to complete strangers and saying “Ignore what everyone else thinks. I, personally, have no issue with you being here”.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Nothing like livening up a funeral with some scandalous support 😏🙊 Who says funerals have to be a somber affair? Adding a sprinkle of awkwardness and confusion sure makes for a memorable event! 🌶️ #BreakingFuneralEtiquette"

awkwardness, being, complete, else, everyone, funeral, here, humor, i, ignore, inappropriate, interaction, issue, lightheartedness, opinion, over, personal, personal opinion, saying, social, social interaction, spice, strangers, things, walking, yesterday

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Always funny to see motivational posts from people I know are toxic in real life.

0

2 months ago

always, authenticity, humor, i, irony, know, life, media, motivational, people, posts, real, relationships, social, social media, toxic
I swear people go to Starbucks and just say random words. “Lemme get a grande iced mocha no foam quad soy hexagon vortex hypothesis with steamed ice”.

0

2 months ago

barista, coffee, drink, foam, grande, hexagon, humor, hypothesis, i, ice, iced, iced mocha, just, mocha, no foam, order, people, random, random words, say, Starbucks, swear, vortex, words
I wanna meet the person whose parents are super disappointed he went to medical school instead of becoming a stand-up comedian.

0

2 months ago

career, career choice, choice, comedian, disappointment, humor, i, medical, medical school, meet, parents, person, school, stand-up, stand-up comedian, super
Thanksgiving should be called Feaster.

0

2 months ago

celebration, feast, Feaster, food, holiday, humor, should, Thanksgiving
I thought I liked seeing movies, but it turns out I like eating candy in a dark room where it’s illegal to talk to me.

0

3 weeks ago

candy, dark, dark room, eating, humor, i, illegal, irony, liked, me, movie, movie theater, room, seeing, silence, snack, talk, theater, thought, where
Watching true crime documentaries so I can learn from their mistakes.

0

2 months ago

crime, crime genre, documentary, entertainment, genre, humor, i, learn, learning, mistakes, sarcastic, true, true crime, watching, witty

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

30 shares on Threads this month:

I am staying up till a million o’clock tonight.

27 shares on Reddit this month:

If you ever find yourself as a houseguest for an extended period of time, here is the golden rule for success: invisible by day, charming by night.

78 shares on Twitch this month:

Messages are way funnier when you know how the person talks.

72 shares on Messenger this month:

My favorite delusion is that I just need to get through this week.

79 shares on Twitch this month:

Americans be like, “MM:DD:YY” is how you say dates verbally, and then have a national holiday called “4th of July.”

36 shares on Threads this month:

My mind is like my web browser. 19 tabs are open, 3 are frozen and I have no idea where the music is coming from.

79 shares on Facebook this month:

I think my type is a nice person.

14 shares on X this month:

It’s normal that my retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding buried treasure at some point, right?

36 shares on WeChat this month:

I love your niche references! Are you typically ignored in large groups, by any chance?

43 shares on Instagram this month:

I took the road less traveled because I was hoping not to run into anyone I know along the way.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Ever thought about centaurs and how the bottom half would start walking immediately after birth but the top part would be baby-like and flop around for a while.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Hug your children as often as you can. They can’t break things during this time.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

38% of being a dad is sitting in a car, looking at your watch, and waiting for everybody else to come out.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

A dinosaur as a pet would solve so many problems. Mainly, people problems.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

In the 80s, you could literally shrink your kids with a shrink-ray, and your wife wouldn’t divorce you. I’m pretty sure I saw a documentary film about it.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Looks like it’s just you and me tonight, family size Toblerone.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Confuse a restaurant manager today by telling her how good the service was.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Do people with lip filler know that they look like that?

11 folks are currently checking 👀

If you want to experience hunger, go and live with a wealthy person or family.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Have you ever been in the car with someone who drives like we got extra lives?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

522 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,115

Funny Quotes Topics

17,265

Funny Quotes Images

15,115

Updated

Dec 25, 2025

Users Online

3,751

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

Hiking in your 40s is a great way to meet new people. Today I met two paramedics, three nurses, a cardiologist, and nearly met Jesus.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

This year should be named “things I never thought could happen”.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

Massage therapist asked how I felt about chiropractics and I told her the guy who invented it says he learned it from a ghost, and that shut the conversation down pretty quick.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

“Kiss From a Rose” makes you think Batman Forever is the most romantic movie ever made.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

I’m not “late”, I’m just very creative with my interpretation of “time”.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

God, I wish I had enough money to discover it doesn’t make me happy.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

Spending all my money on lottery tickets so I’ll either be rich or poor, none of this wishy-washy stuff in the middle.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

They should name a personality disorder after me.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

Relationship status: We have changed from “I love you” to “I love YouTube”.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

What if all the ancient Greek sculptures are actually victims of Medusa?

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

(Making small talk with a couple) So have you guys ever cheated on each other?

Going bananas on Facebook:

In case no one told you today. I’m beautiful.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Chuck Norris can rub two fires together to get a piece of wood.

Trending via Reddit:

If you can’t say anything nice, say something funny.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Relationship status: I’m the only one wearing my hoodies.

Live now on WhatsApp:

My best friend is married and buying a house. I ate popcorn for dinner.

Trending via Instagram:

I have many talents, all equally un-monetizable.

Just landed via Slack:

We should be able to take our arms off when we go to sleep, we have the technology.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Showing up late with an iced coffee is not about poor time management, it’s about knowing how to make an entrance.

Broadcasted on Threads:

I like to keep my wife guessing by walking around the backyard carrying a ladder and a chainsaw.

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