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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

Why is no one talking about the sheer pleasure of coming home from vacation and using your own bathroom.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

I need a vacation, but the kind where everyone else leaves, and I have my house to myself for a few days.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

I have one of those metal briefcases handcuffed to my wrist, and inside… my grandmother’s meatloaf recipe.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

Having a low-quality camera will definitely force you to keep your life private.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

I am re-watching “Narcos,” and I have to say that for someone who smokes so much weed, Pablo Escobar gets a lot done.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

Not to brag, but no one has ever accused me of trying too hard.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

Opening a Star Wars pub called Bar Bar Binks.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

“You should exercise for at least 30 minutes every day”. Okay, and how much if you’re not trying to go to the Olympics?

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Boy, did The Shining nail what it’s like being an only child.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Writing cover letters feels soooo “Ever since I was a little boy, I knew I wanted to be an administrative assistant when I grew up.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,734

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Getting paid 26 times in 365 days is not my destiny.

Just landed via Instagram:

If it weren’t for this whole job thingy that pays me money, I’d become a professional nap taker.

Seen just now on X:

Piñatas are a fun way to intentionally maim the guests at your party.

Going viral on WeChat:

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I’d have to do.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Trending via Instagram:

Jesus spent his time among the mentally ill, the poor and unemployed, the prostitutes. So, in a way, by being on Twitter, we’re like Jesus.

Freshly posted on X:

Did you know there are people who go away for 3 days and only pack 3 days’ worth of clothing?

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Three serious exes is the right amount before you meet your spouse. You need one truly evil one, one normal one, and one situationship, and then you’ve basically experienced all dating has to offer.

Shared recently on Threads:

Most men will receive their first bunch of flowers at their funeral.

Shared recently on Threads:

Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.

I watch “Law and Order” so much that when I turn off the TV, I wipe my fingerprints off the remote.

Clever, humorous text about obsessively watching "Law and Order" and jokingly wiping fingerprints off the remote.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"I've watched so much 'Law and Order' that my remote control is now a key suspect! 🕵️‍♂️🔍📺"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

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Social Media Stars ⭐

66 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sure, breakups are hard, but have you ever had to wait for your phone to stop ringing so you can start using it again?

40 shares on X this month:

The length of a LinkedIn Post is directly proportional to the amount of bullshit in it.

32 shares on Reddit this month:

Slipping into something more comfortable, another dimension.

60 shares on Snapchat this month:

At least men and women can agree on one thing: it feels amazing to take a bra off.

97 shares on Snapchat this month:

Every time I use self-checkout, the person in front of me has never used self-checkout, touchscreens, or money before.

99 shares on X this month:

The best part of vacation with your extended family is talking shit about them on the trip home.

92 shares on Twitch this month:

I believe in annoyed at first sight.

53 shares on WeChat this month:

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

13 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My kid is turning out just like me. Well played, karma. Well-played.

89 shares on Instagram this month:

Happy to report that “what time is it/time for you to get a watch” is still being used by the youths.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Aging gracefully is like getting steamrolled gracefully, you should really be screaming.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Relationships are actually easy when you’re not dating a lying weirdo.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Spotify has got it all wrong, the hottest single of the year is me.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I need to go to jail for a while to catch up on all my reading.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent a day where you aren’t tired.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent a good thing that happens.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Took a bunch of Ibuprofen to keep my posts from being too inflammatory.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Men be like, “But I’m different.” Yeah, a different type of disappointment.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

If you say “Excellent choice” after somebody selects a floor in an elevator, you can usually get a pity laugh.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Girls don’t actually shop. We just walk round touching the clothes saying ‘this is cute’.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,421

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

“I’m great at saving money, as long as I don’t go anywhere, see anyone, or open my eyes.”

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

I do not have a “body count.” I have a curious spirit.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

Off to my crying appointment (therapy).

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

If I were in charge of Nike, I’d change the slogan to “Just Say You Did It. Nobody Ever Checks.”

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

Well, well, well, if it isn’t the same bill I couldn’t afford to pay in a different color.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

I wasn’t feeling well so I googled my symptoms. I either have allergies or I died two days ago.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

D was probably like “lmao ok” when they named the alphabet the ABCs

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

Tweeting with no audience feels like screaming jokes into a cornfield.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Thinking about ignoring daily mess by creating new holiday decor mess.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

I learned Morse code, and then I couldn’t sleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on WeChat:

January feels like a schizophrenic episode.

Breaking via WeChat:

Dear people, who drive without music playing, what do you do with your brain?

Just shared via X:

Me at war: You guys mind if I leave a bit early today?

Going viral on Facebook:

Have kids so you can say things you never thought you would like “please don’t vacuum your sister”

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

If history is repeating itself, when can I buy a pet dinosaur?

Going viral on Twitch:

I’m sorry, but when you call me ‘batshit crazy’ it’s almost starting to sound like you think it’s a bad thing!

Just shared via Messenger:

I hope this email punches you square in the face.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Apparently it’s inappropriate to yell out “Shots, shots, shots, shots” while your child’s getting immunizations at the pediatrician’s office.

Just landed via TikTok:

Whenever I’m willing to sell my soul, there’s usually food involved.

Trending via Snapchat:

Everyday I wait for a vampire to seduce me.

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