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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

I want to be the kind of person who eats half a grapefruit for breakfast and runs every morning, but I also want to be happy.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

There are people who have a favourite colour, and there are people whose favourite colour is purple. These are very different things. Purple fans are different creatures.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

It’s scary when the washing machine spins really fast.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

I can’t wait to go to bed, get terrible sleep, and wake up exhausted with a sore back.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

I’m officially at the age where I hate unnecessary noises and useless friends.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

After 25, you’re pretty much 30.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

Cataclysmic events, such as your fingers on my skin.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

If i say “morning!” to you, it does not mean “good morning”, I am merely exclaiming in horror that it is morning.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

I delete posts cause I be getting mature over the hours.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

There’s literally no law that says you can’t put your friends down as your references and pretend they were your boss at an old job. Literally, there’s no law that says that.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

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15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,458

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Threads:

I’m so glad when summer is over and I finally don’t have to see any feet on the internet anymore.

Just shared via Slack:

Spotify Wrapped isn’t enough, I want an Excel spreadsheet of my listening habits.

Going viral on Twitch:

Home: Where I can look ugly and not care.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Receipts are like: Take this tiny piece of paper home with you and throw it away.

Going viral on YouTube:

“Hey you!” is short for “I have no idea what your name is.”

Just shared via Facebook:

Christmas bonus so small you have to call your bank and ask “is it in yet?”

Spotted on TikTok:

It’s Monday. Please lower your voice and expectations.

Going viral on YouTube:

Onesies are amazing till you have to really pee in the middle of the night then you question all your life’s decisions.

Just landed via Discord:

Some people peak in high school. I peaked when I realized I never had to see them again.

Going viral on WeChat:

Welcome to Elephant in the Room club, no one talks about it.

I will trust someone on Reddit from 11 years ago with my life before using ChatGPT for anything.

3 weeks ago

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90 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You’re all using your crystals wrong. Put them in a sock and start swinging.

52 shares on Facebook this month:

Gonna go walk the beach and stare annoyingly at couples. May even growl as I pass by.

100 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m sorry, being on social media gave you the impression I’m a social person.

33 shares on Discord this month:

Note: Press the button on the elevator as often as possible to activate the secret express function and speed up the thing.

61 shares on Discord this month:

What we need is an evil Santa who steals our children’s most annoying toys.

54 shares on Threads this month:

Simplicity is so complicated.

13 shares on Discord this month:

I’m not a good fit for the traditional job market because my greatest strengths are challenging authority, being self-righteous, and wanting to go home.

68 shares on Instagram this month:

Are you there, bathroom walls, ceiling, floor, mirror, sink, and towels? It’s me, the kids toothpaste.

49 shares on Telegram this month:

When I quit my job I’m setting one last OOO message that just says “your email will never find me again”

47 shares on Messenger this month:

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me, I’m gonna say “I’m a puncher” and see how it goes.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

Very confusing that gross pay is before tax. I always find the number way grosser after tax.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

If she says “so just what exactly is THAT supposed to mean”, you’re gonna have a bad time.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

Cleaning your glasses is like changing from 360p to 1080p.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Americans be like, “MM:DD:YY” is how you say dates verbally, and then have a national holiday called “4th of July.”

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

Snakes don’t hiss anymore, they call you babe, bro, or friend.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

What is the name of the course in medical school where you learn not to take your patients seriously?

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

Italians, look away now. I break my spaghetti in half before I cook it.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

I can’t stand when people need constant validation online. Like, comment, and share if you agree.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

I have a bit of an inferiority complex. But it’s not a very good one.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

I like running because it’s cheaper than paying for a gym membership. If the gym wants the money I owe them, they’ll have to catch me.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

If you think my posts are ridiculous, you should see some of my life choices.

Just shared via YouTube:

Working on a laptop outside is an abysmal experience.

Freshly posted on X:

I postpone certain outfits until I get a certain hairstyle because, yes, it’s that deep.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Unfortunately, I am literally obsessed with the woman I am when I get stuff done, so I’m just going to keep doing that.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Tom and Jerry fooled me into thinking dogs bullied cats when it’s the opposite in reality.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I’ve had two glasses of wine and responded with “Omgggg congrats, sweet girl” on an engagement post of someone I haven’t spoken to in 5 years.

Spreading quickly via X:

There should be a Jaws sequel where the shark finally gets arrested for his crimes and goes to jail.

Live now on Slack:

Don’t give up on your dreams. If cauliflower can be pizza and zucchini can be noodles, you too can be anything you want.

Spotted on YouTube:

I named my dog “5 Miles,” so I can tell people I walk 5 miles every day.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Getting mad when an app updates and changes their format is the new “rearranged grocery store” for me.

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Activity Log ✨

I will trust someone on Reddit from 11 years ago with my life before using ChatGPT for anything.

Marriage tip: If your wife goes silent in the middle of an argument, you probably shouldn’t ask if you can go back to mowing the lawn.

They should invent a good thing that happens.

Normalize bed-rotting in the holidays and not feeling guilty about it for your mental health.

Some people are living bowel movement to bowel movement.

When the gun shoots your brain, that’s amore.

I am a full grown adult. Now listen to me discuss the various plot holes in Paw Patrol.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I will trust someone on Reddit from 11 years ago with my life before using ChatGPT for anything.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Marriage tip: If your wife goes silent in the middle of an argument, you probably shouldn’t ask if you can go back to mowing the lawn.

They should invent a good thing that happens.

Normalize bed-rotting in the holidays and not feeling guilty about it for your mental health.

Some people are living bowel movement to bowel movement.

When the gun shoots your brain, that’s amore.

I am a full grown adult. Now listen to me discuss the various plot holes in Paw Patrol.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨