Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Waking up has backfired on me so many times.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Honey, get in the car. We have to go to the store because we’re retarded, and it’s Christmas Eve.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Waffles are just pancakes with abs.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

Bought a house plant so I wouldn’t be the only one dying of dehydration around here.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

You’re so cultured I’mma start calling you Yogurt.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

Please leave me alone. I’m just a 3,000-year-old time-traveling alien who is trying to return to his home planet.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

I had a marvelous time ruining everything.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but that much caffeine can’t be good for you.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

The most surprising part of adulthood is parenting your parents.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

Who called it an undertaker and not a host mortem?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,580

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Snapchat:

My eye doctor is alarmingly young and when he said he thought I had a chalazion or a hordoleum, I thought he might be referencing Pokémon.

Live now on Snapchat:

I failed as a person; I’m a dinosaur now.

Shared recently on WeChat:

When I try to figure out rows vs. columns, I just row away in my boat of confusion!

Freshly posted on WeChat:

A moment of silence for the paycheck that was in my account for five minutes.

Just shared via Slack:

I get so embarrassed for no reason after posting on social media, like, why am I showing my life?

Making waves on Instagram:

Jesus spent his time among the mentally ill, the poor and unemployed, the prostitutes. So, in a way, by being on Twitter, we’re like Jesus.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Hangman is so great. No better way for a child to learn how to spell than by having to save a man from hanging to death.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

“I have a favourite hole”, me, at the pool table.

Just shared via Discord:

Welcome to your 40s. Your eyes are now like a camera someone doesn’t know how to focus.

Shared recently on Messenger:

You know who’s gonna love you in the end? Your dog.

I will unfriend, uncousin, unco-worker, unfollow, unfamily any draining soul real quick.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Family reunion? More like a *reality* check! 😂🧹🚫💼

boundary, draining, humor, i, media, quick, real, self-care, social, social media, soul, unco-worker, uncousin, unfamily, unfollow, unfriend

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

ALF is what happens when you are high on drugs in the 80s.

0

2 months ago

1980s, 1980s culture, 80s, ALF, culture, drug, drug humor, drugs, high, humor, nostalgic, parody, sitcom, vintage
You aren’t from the Midwest unless you can spin out in the snow, regain control and keep driving like nothing happened.

0

2 months ago

control, culture, driving, experience, humor, keep, Midwest, nothing, skills, snow, spin, winter
All I want for Christmas this year is the housing market to crash, so I could buy a 5-bedroom, 4-bathroom house for $3.

0

3 months ago

3, bathroom, bedroom, buy, Christmas, crash, house, housing, housing market, humor, i, market, price, want, wish, year
The horror: “Come on, I’ll introduce you to everyone.”

0

2 months ago

anxiety, everyone, gathering, horror, introduce, introduction, meetup, pressure, social
Keeping my mouth shut is usually not enough to avoid an argument with my husband. I also have to deactivate the subtitle function on my face.

0

2 months ago

argument, avoid, communication, enough, face, function, humor, husband, i, marriage, mouth, relationship, shut, subtitle
Men can be sorted into two camps: the ones who get haircuts way before they need them, and the ones who wait until people in their lives are complaining.

0

5 months ago

appearance, before, complaining, complaint, grooming, haircut, humor, men, need, ones, people, wait, waiting

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

23 shares on Facebook this month:

We’re living in increasingly unfergalicious times.

75 shares on YouTube this month:

Scooby-Doo led me to believe that if I were ever really scared, I should run super-fast in place.

85 shares on Twitch this month:

No more fun facts. I want to know what your last nightmare was about.

15 shares on Messenger this month:

90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying seems to be working.

91 shares on Telegram this month:

Figure skating is so niche that sometimes I walk in the rink, and there’s an Olympic medalist there.

100 shares on Messenger this month:

My son was praying for “everybody in the world.” If you suddenly start experiencing good fortune, you’re welcome.

75 shares on Telegram this month:

Who the hell keeps letting it be Monday again?

85 shares on Facebook this month:

If you get cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and still participate in family game nights.

33 shares on Messenger this month:

But what if I don’t want someone that’s good for me?

33 shares on Messenger this month:

It’s so important to have people in your life who expand your snack horizons.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

That feeling when it’s Friday, you blink once, and somehow it’s Monday again.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

First date idea: unlock and switch phones with the other person for exactly two minutes and if no one is horrified then the date continues.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Follow your heart, but take your brain with you.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

The number one rule of Thanksgiving dinner is take your own vehicle so you can leave on your own terms.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

When your kid asks you where the other parent is, they’re really saying that they’d like to speak with the manager.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Accidentally punched myself in the face as I was getting dressed this morning, and I have to say, I deserved it.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

The more nicknames I have for you, the more I like you.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

The only thing I miss from my past is that flat stomach I had.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

I’m at the age where a house arrest no longer sounds like the worst thing.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Please stop fighting with each other on the internet and start fighting with each other in real life. Life is short.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on TikTok:

If my fingers don’t motion like scissors snipping when I ask for a haircut at the salon, how will they know what I mean?

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Please just wait until my mating ritual is over before you decide.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Whoever came up with the spelling for “receipt” was an idiopt.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

You either die a people pleaser, or live long enough to start leaving texts on read.

Going viral on TikTok:

Job market so bad, I started following my dreams.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I just saw someone on TikTok say that the reason the world didn’t end in 2012 is because Psy turned the Honmoon gold with Gangnam Style.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

People at the library need to learn how to be quiet. Some of us are trying to beatbox over here.

Seen just now on Messenger:

If your wife uses “I” it means she will be doing something. “We” means you will be.

Trending via Instagram:

When you tickle a man to death by accident, it is manslaughter.

Spotted on YouTube:

Best thing about TikTok is you literally don’t need to follow anyone to have a good time.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I will unfriend, uncousin, unco-worker, unfollow, unfamily any draining soul real quick.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

ALF is what happens when you are high on drugs in the 80s.

You aren’t from the Midwest unless you can spin out in the snow, regain control and keep driving like nothing happened.

All I want for Christmas this year is the housing market to crash, so I could buy a 5-bedroom, 4-bathroom house for $3.

The horror: “Come on, I’ll introduce you to everyone.”

Keeping my mouth shut is usually not enough to avoid an argument with my husband. I also have to deactivate the subtitle function on my face.

Men can be sorted into two camps: the ones who get haircuts way before they need them, and the ones who wait until people in their lives are complaining.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨