Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

The sound of rain outside when you’re in bed is elite.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

Welcome to your 40s: it’s Saturday night so you know what that means, absolutely nothing, go to bed.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

Shouldn’t autocorrect be called autoassume?

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

More foods should have boats, why should gravy have all the fun?

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

I’m not a very good poker player cause my eyes turn into big dollar signs when I see that I have a good hand.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

Adults should not be twins. Being twins is for children.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

Acceptance truly begins when you ask Alexa to play classic rock and she plays a song that came out when you were in high school.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

Don’t let anyone ruin your day. Be a man. Ruin it yourself.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

I wear sunglasses when I’m driving so nobody knows I’m asleep.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

If I was an outlaw in the Wild West, my face would be on unwanted posters.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

799 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,961

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,961

Updated

55 minutes ago

Users Online

3,424

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

Wanted to update everybody on my diet. I’ve decided it’s okay to be fat.

Breaking via YouTube:

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I am convinced that some of you are failed experiments that gained sentience and escaped from a lab.

Going viral on Threads:

Damn boy, are you a horoscope? Because I’m selectively focusing on the parts of you that make sense for me.

Just landed via Reddit:

I literally just went through something, and now I’m going through something else. What’s next?

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I saw God in a dream and all he did was brag about making Pedro Pascal.

Seen just now on Threads:

Sleep is a beautiful thing. You don’t miss anyone, you can’t do anything wrong and you simply feel nothing.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Breaking News: Jenny on Facebook is having salad for dinner tonight.

Just shared via TikTok:

If someone asks why you’re so pale, simply reply, completely shocked, “You can see me?”

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Taylor Swift should write a song about people who don’t return their shopping carts to the corrals.

I wish rolling your eyes burned calories.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"With the amount of eye rolls I do daily, I'd be a fitness icon by now! 🙄💪😂"

burning, calorie, calorie burning, eye, eye rolling, eyes, fitness, fitness joke, humor, i, joke, rolling, sarcastic, sarcastic humor, wish

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

Please don’t dm me with the intention of dating me. You deserve less.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

I was guest-starring on The Love Boat when you woke me up. You’re dead to me.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

I can relate to God because it also takes me a full week to finish something that still kind of sucks.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m trying to quit making sexual innuendos but it’s so hard.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

I’m so single, even my husband won’t match with me on Tinder.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

“Are you busy tomorrow?” That entirely depends on what you need me to do.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

Can you lose weight by running away from your feelings?

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

Meatloaf is a good safe word. It means I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that…

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

The difference between coffee and your opinion is that I asked for coffee.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

“You’re under the weather?” We all are, idiot. It’s in the sky.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WeChat:

Not leaving the house and not having contact with other people. The punishments of my childhood are now my hobbies.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

The longest and most adventurous journeys begin with the words: “I know a shortcut.”

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

If liars’ pants really did catch on fire, watching the news would be a lot more fun.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Relationship status: nobody is cheating on me so that’s pretty neat.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Lord, they down here giving us bills every month after you already paid the price.

Reported on Telegram:

I didn’t just turn into a grouchy old woman overnight. It took years of people letting me down, pissing me off, and dealing with idiots to get this good at it.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Why is there a level 6 for toasters? As if someone thinks: “Tonight I’m really in the mood for ashes with butter!”

Just shared via Threads:

I think it broke my boyfriend’s heart when I said he couldn’t have Salma Hayek for Valentine’s Day.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

The only sunscreen that’s 100% effective is abstinence.

Trending via Telegram:

Summer Olympics is just me swimming in sweat and wrestling with my sports bra.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I wish rolling your eyes burned calories.

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I shaved my legs today and it was the fastest 3lbs I’ve ever lost in my life.

Whales go days, sometimes weeks at a time without giving anyone their opinion.

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.

Mario Kart gave me unrealistic expectations of how banana peels affect traffic.

I got so lost there for a minute (several years).

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I’m bored, but not read a book for fun bored.

User: the word computer professionals use when they mean ‘idiot.’

Just had my biannual teeth cleaning like some barn animal.

If food delivery apps had never been invented, I would either be wildly rich or dead.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

That one unemployed roommate who gets a package every day.

ALF is what happens when you are high on drugs in the 80s.

Got the zoomies at work, and now HR is chasing me around with a butterfly net.

Growing up, I didn’t think the expensive addiction that would ruin me would be Heinz ketchup, but here we are.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Now if you’ll excuse me, today’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.

I’m already spoiled… please don’t come into my life trying to unspoil me.

Gravity, at all times, is trying to pull your pants down.

Hello! I’m Britain’s greatest spy and my catchphrase is: I tell you my real surname, then my real forename, then my real surname again, in case you missed it.

I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers. The Times are rough.

Activity Log ✨

Share Wordgag 🙏

Activity Log ✨

I wish rolling your eyes burned calories.

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Share Wordgag 🙏