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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

An agenda reveal party, where I surprise everyone with all the things I hope to accomplish this weekend.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

I do not know how to put this gently, but part of being a good driver is using the gas and brake as little as humanly possible.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

Bro, you’re fine. You just need an impossible sequence of events to play out in perfect order against all odds and you’ll be fine.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

My Uber driver didn’t try to talk to me the entire ride. Five stars.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

Getting into male-dominated fields like falling asleep on the couch.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

I don’t flirt. I just say weird things and hope you interpret them romantically.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

I deserve a treat when I have a bad week, but I also deserve a treat when I have a good week. I simply always deserve treats.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

It’s generally a good idea to start punching and throwing elbows immediately upon waking up because there may be enemies nearby.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Don’t forget to tell yourself more lies today.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,392

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Telegram:

Girls be like, “I hate this man,” then have sex with him.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

When people suck the life out of you, they should take some fat too.

Live now on YouTube:

An Advent Calendar for adults but behind every door is a different kind of anxiety medication.

Going bananas on X:

If being hydrated is such a great thing, why does it feel like my bladder is pissed off?

Breaking via Snapchat:

Either the tables are going to turn, or I’m going to flip them.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Anything can be a dating app if you aren’t a coward.

Just shared via Telegram:

I’m the product of too much television and zero supervision.

Just landed via Reddit:

I wish I loved exercising as much as I love not exercising.

Going bananas on X:

I’m not a very good poker player cause my eyes turn into big dollar signs when I see that I have a good hand.

Seen just now on Discord:

To be gentle in this world is an act of rebellion.

I would like to opt out of WW3, por favor.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Can I take a rain check on the apocalypse? Thanks! ☔️🕊️😅

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Putting sunscreen on kids feels like cardio.

0

2 months ago

activity, cardio, exercise, fun, fun activity, kids, parenting, struggle, summer, sunscreen
Please do not test me. I’ve been saving up my rage like PTO.

0

2 months ago

frustration, humor, me, patience, please, PTO, rage, saving, test, warning
If I ever go missing, check the snack aisle. I’m probably just deciding.

0

2 months ago

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My fridge turns into a food retirement home, as soon as I buy groceries.

0

3 months ago

buy, food, food storage, fridge, grocery, home, humor, i, retirement, retirement home, soon, spoilage, storage
It’s so hot that my shadow just went back inside and gave me the finger.

0

5 months ago

back, finger, heat, hot, hot weather, humor, inside, just, me, reaction, sarcasm, shadow, summer, sun, temperature, weather
So we have actual fact checkers who know all the facts? Why not create a TV channel where they just give us the facts? We could call it the News.

0

2 months ago

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New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

38 shares on X this month:

I would be more patient if it didn’t take so long.

20 shares on Threads this month:

Sailors wish they could swear like me.

24 shares on Threads this month:

Blocking isn’t enough, I hope your pillow never has a cold side.

74 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I don’t need Halloween. I have strange characters around me all year round.

36 shares on Pinterest this month:

I think everyone should get $500 deposited into their accounts every day, just for waking up.

28 shares on Telegram this month:

There’s an app for the people who say they’re not seeking some form of validation here. It’s called a diary.

96 shares on Twitch this month:

Sometimes I feel useless, but then I remember I breathe out carbon dioxide for plants.

44 shares on Twitch this month:

My soulmate probably seen my posts and deleted me.

78 shares on Discord this month:

Everyone is fighting a battle you don’t know about, except for me. I am complaining loudly about my battle. Everybody knows about it.

21 shares on Reddit this month:

No one watches your story faster than someone who doesn’t talk to you.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Whoever was the first to shorten “Richard” down to “Dick” must have really hated that guy.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

I’m neither a lover nor a fighter. I’m a snacker.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

The concept of dominant hands is hilarious to me. That one of our hands is just like, “No, I’m not helping.”

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

The year I was born, getting a little far on that little scrolly thing.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

Your honor, if it pleases the court, here’s Wonderwall.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

Camping? No, thank you. If I wanted to sleep outside, I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

What do you call it when everything pisses you off but you’re good at not murdering people?

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Today I couldn’t find a parking space at work, so I drove back home. Looks like they have enough people there.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

If you pick a movie that’s longer than the flight, the pilot gets a notification to fly around for a bit.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

I’m going to sleep. Anyone want anything?

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

Why is adulthood just bills and wondering what to eat?

Making waves on Threads:

Me: This is my favorite. I would like to buy this exact same item of clothing again. The fashion industry: No.

Going viral on Threads:

Sunsets and women are undoubtedly God’s best creations.

Seen just now on Telegram:

The lion doesn’t concern himself with much of anything these days.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

This body is a temple; I suicide bomb every day.

Just shared via Threads:

Landlord: I’m raising your rent. Me: Am I getting a bigger house?

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Just asked this girl Hannah how she spells her name, and she just said, “Two of everything, darling.” Iconic!

Seen just now on Pinterest:

You can just enjoy kombucha. You don’t need to go on a tirade about cleansing your gut.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Is it healthier to drink tap water and let the fluoride calcify my pineal gland or drink bottled spring water and let micro plastics settle in my balls?

Making waves on TikTok:

My dog just looked me in the eye and said “no one is gonna believe you”, then took a nap.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I would like to opt out of WW3, por favor.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Putting sunscreen on kids feels like cardio.

Please do not test me. I’ve been saving up my rage like PTO.

If I ever go missing, check the snack aisle. I’m probably just deciding.

My fridge turns into a food retirement home, as soon as I buy groceries.

It’s so hot that my shadow just went back inside and gave me the finger.

So we have actual fact checkers who know all the facts? Why not create a TV channel where they just give us the facts? We could call it the News.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨