Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

Everyone talks about climate change, but no one has the courage to sacrifice a virgin to appease the gods.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Applying lip balm when you know someone’s watching you is a power move.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

I’m already far too stressed as it is. And then you also have to have time to just sit there and do nothing.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

It always takes me an hour to get ready. 45 minutes for doing nothing and 15 hectic minutes for the rest.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

Relationship status: nobody is cheating on me so that’s pretty neat.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

One day you’ll find someone obsessed with you. It’s probably going to be a squirrel.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

I can do a lot of things, but listening to someone chew is not one of them.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,916

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Discord:

Like most people my age, I’m 50.

Live now on Threads:

If you don’t fall in love with me, I’ll write poetry about you and then you’ll regret it.

Just shared via Pinterest:

The people that sing their heart out, but terribly, are my people.

Making waves on YouTube:

Trying to work outside on a laptop is like sunbathing on a melting ice cube.

Live now on X:

Fun prank: make people study for many years, and then don’t give them jobs.

Just shared via YouTube:

Ninety percent of my new follows are beautiful women, which tells me one thing: I’ve still got it!

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I woke up deciding to incorporate the parkour lifestyle into my daily life then reconsidered as I fell over again putting my jeans on.

If a man speaks in the forest and his wife is not there to hear him, is he still wrong?

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When a tree falls in the forest, it makes a sound. When a husband speaks without his wife around… the sound is 'just kidding!'" 😅🌲🗣️

communication, forest, gender, gender roles, hear, humor, joke, man, marriage, perception, relationship, roles, still, wife, wrong

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Pretty cool that we all come together on Christmas and celebrate the birth of Santa.

1 month ago
birth, celebrate, celebration, Christmas, cool, holiday, humor, pretty, Santa, together, togetherness
If my fingers don’t motion like scissors snipping when I ask for a haircut at the salon, how will they know what I mean?

1 month ago
ask, communication, fingers, gesture, haircut, humor, i, know, mean, misunderstanding, motion, salon, scissors
My spirit animal is that bird that knocks itself unconscious flying into windows.

1 month ago
accident, animal, animal behavior, behavior, bird, clumsiness, flying, humor, self-deprecating, spirit, spirit animal, unconscious, window, Windows
Most of being a woman is just removing exclamation points from emails before you send them.

1 month ago
before, being, communication, email, emails, exclamation, exclamation point, expectation, gender, humor, just, point, send, woman, writing
A job interview is basically a conversation between two liars.

4 months ago
conversation, humor, interaction, interview, job, job interview, liar, social, social interaction, workplace
Everyone else time traveling: Preventing wars or the spread of disease. Me: Buying multiple pairs of my favorite shoes they’ve stopped making.

1 month ago
buying, disease, else, everyone, fashion, favorite, humor, interest, making, me, multiple, nostalgia, personal, personal interest, priorities, sh, shopping, spread, time, time travel, travel, wars

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

One of the great things about being a dad is how easy it is to launder my own desire for ice cream through my children.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

Sorry for texting you back instantly. My phone was in my hand, and I’m mature and actually like you.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

No one is more surprised than my kids every night when I say it’s bed time.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

69. Some might call it nasty. I call it a romantic dinner for 2.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

My childhood led me to believe that as an adult I’d have to contend with truth serum, lava, quicksand, trap doors, and secret passageways. So far it’s mostly been weight gain and existential dread.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

You can tell they named the aardvark early in the week and the anteater on a Friday.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

Even on the coldest of days, there’s such peace found in the warm embrace of a hot pizza.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Instagram:

My sweatpants sat me down and said they want me to get an office job again.

Going bananas on Twitch:

I don’t like violence, but I don’t mind if I get hit by luck.

Live now on X:

Only thing sexier than a bad decisions is a bad decision with queso.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If a man speaks in the forest and his wife is not there to hear him, is he still wrong?

Pretty cool that we all come together on Christmas and celebrate the birth of Santa.

If my fingers don’t motion like scissors snipping when I ask for a haircut at the salon, how will they know what I mean?

My spirit animal is that bird that knocks itself unconscious flying into windows.

Most of being a woman is just removing exclamation points from emails before you send them.

Everyone else time traveling: Preventing wars or the spread of disease. Me: Buying multiple pairs of my favorite shoes they’ve stopped making.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

It’s strange being the same age as old people.

Caveman: I just invented the wheel. Journalist: Here’s why the wheel is bad for humanity.

This Monday is Mondaying like it’s never Mondayed before.

Here’s your daily reminder to not forget about Dre.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

As you get older, it’s amazing how fast bird-watching creeps up on you…

Every time I want to use a big word that I just know the meaning of, I Google it first, just in case.

You ever just see a tree and be like, “Bob Ross would’ve liked this one”?

Want to come over and lay around naked, eating grapes like we’re in a Renaissance painting.

Eating the rest of the donuts will keep me from eating donuts tomorrow. My logic is flawless.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

How is a plant not able to handle direct sunlight? You’re from outside.

They should invent a day where I don’t think.

I don’t always cook dinner but when I do, I use every pan in the kitchen.

Just did my best horse impression and the doctor still won’t give me ketamine.

Asked a German girl for her number, and I’m still waiting for the rest of the digits. So far, all I have is “nine.”

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

If I ever have a daughter, I’m going to call her Erica, but spell it Airwrecka.

I wish my doctor would put down a little treat to distract me like my vet does for my dog.

The one thing to know about me is I always get the last laugh. And oh yes, it’s maniacal.

As a wife and mother my hobbies include rage cleaning, rage cooking, and rage folding.

At the airport, and a wife asked her husband, “Where are our seats?” and he responds, “In the airplane.”

Activity Log ✨

Share Wordgag 🙏

Activity Log ✨

If a man speaks in the forest and his wife is not there to hear him, is he still wrong?

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Pretty cool that we all come together on Christmas and celebrate the birth of Santa.

If my fingers don’t motion like scissors snipping when I ask for a haircut at the salon, how will they know what I mean?

My spirit animal is that bird that knocks itself unconscious flying into windows.

Most of being a woman is just removing exclamation points from emails before you send them.

A job interview is basically a conversation between two liars.

Everyone else time traveling: Preventing wars or the spread of disease. Me: Buying multiple pairs of my favorite shoes they’ve stopped making.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Share Wordgag 🙏