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I bet the guy who named the sperm whale wasn’t allowed to name things anymore after that.

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Wait, some of you are actually seeing for free? No glasses, no contacts? Wow!

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Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain, and most do.

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I need a six-month vacation twice a year.

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See you when you get home from school, I whisper to my kidโ€™s apple.

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Never forget that your fave celebs were trying to sell you cartoon monkey pictures during a pandemic.

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Be so funny that everyone forgets that you are ugly!

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I hate it when I check my transactions history, and everything adds up like damn, so no one stole from me.

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December. The month at work where everything is January’s problem.

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What kind of psychopath wants to be the life of the party?

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If I was in Jaws, instead of wishing for a bigger boat, I probably would have just asked for a smaller shark.

If I was in Jaws, instead of wishing for a bigger boat, I probably would have just asked for a smaller shark.

Commentary:
Well, if you were in Jaws, you'd certainly have a "bite-sized" sense of humor! ๐Ÿฆˆ๐Ÿ˜„ Who needs a bigger boat when you can just downsize the threat, right? Just beware of those toothy grins in the mini-shark department! ๐Ÿšค็ฌ‘



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Welcome to Wordgag! ๐Ÿ˜‰โœŒ๏ธ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฅ

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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has copied:

My patience is like a gift card, not sure how much is left but lets give it a try.

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Ask your doctor if it’s right for you to eat oranges and pretend theyโ€™re planets and youโ€™re a Greek god.

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Laziness is the mother of all bad habits, but ultimately she is a mother, and we should respect her.

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When Iโ€™m at a party, I pretend to be Pac-Man. I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.

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If itโ€™s one thing weโ€™ve learned hiking, it’s the early bird that gets the face full of spiderwebs.

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Dress for the demons you want, not the demons you have.

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Cinderella was a mess. I mean, I have bad taste in men, but at least I never settled for a guy who couldnโ€™t remember what my face looked like.

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The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning “ability to,” and bics, meaning “withstand tremedous boredom.”

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“You look tired.” Yes, bro, I stayed up all night obsessing over things I have no control over.

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People should be able to call in healthy: โ€œLook, Iโ€™m not coming into the office today. I feel really good and I donโ€™t want to waste it on being at work.โ€œ

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