Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

Just bought a new umbrella for the person that finds it tomorrow.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

Dear unsuccessful applicant, we ultimately decided to split the role between existing staff without paying any of them extra.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

Welcome to your 50s. If you don’t have a mysterious ailment, one will be assigned to you shortly.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

Welcome to your 50s… A new pain will be be assigned to you shortly.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

When something Asian becomes popular enough, it becomes Mexican.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Trying to carry a pet to bed is like moving a dense liquid that’s annoyed by you.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

“This would be better if there was cake” really does ring true in any situation.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

Whether you rip off a bandaid quickly or slowly, I find it’s best to ask the wearer’s permission first.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

My youngest started kindergarten today and I cried, but mostly for his teachers.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

I’ve jogged with my jogging pants about as often as I’ve rolled through the kitchen with kitchen roll.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,356

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

Today’s toddlers can switch on laptops and use apps. When I was little, I ate sand.

Trending via Discord:

When I say “I’m open to feedback” I mean “I accept compliments.”

Live now on WeChat:

I start off my mornings with coffee and low expectations.

Going viral on Threads:

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.

Just shared via X:

If you see me sad, just hug me and put some money in my pocket.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Whenever I’m sad, you’re there. Whenever I have problems, you’re there. Whenever I lose control, you’re there. Let’s face it, you are bad luck.

Spotted on WeChat:

No one told me adulting would involve trying to avoid so many scams.

Going viral on Telegram:

Parallel parking: where true relationships are tested!

Shared recently on Threads:

My guardian angel is taking the longest smoking break in recorded history.

Seen just now on TikTok:

The only thing Flat Earthers have to fear is sphere itself.

If it weren’t for this whole job thingy that pays me money, I’d become a professional nap taker.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Dream job: unpaid nap intern 😴💤🛌 #Goals

balance, humor, humorous, ID, job, me, money, nap, procrastination, professional, relaxation, sleep, whole, work life, work-life balance

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Oxygen was discovered in 1773. How did our ancestors breathe before then?

0

5 months ago

ancestor, ancestors, before, breathe, breathing, date, discovery, history, humor, oxygen, question, science
Socialism is like polio, it comes back when people forget about the horrible damage it did last time.

0

2 months ago

back, comedy, critique, damage, forget, horrible, humor, joke, last, people, polio, political, political critique, political joke, political satire, satire, socialism, time
Let’s lay on the couch together, play on our phones, and ignore each other, babe.

0

2 months ago

babe, couch, couple, everyday, everyday life, humor, ignore, lay, lazy, life, phone, phones, play, relationship, together
I like people who can admit their mistakes and apologize. In other words, I like very few people.

0

2 months ago

admit, apologize, behavior, cynicism, honesty, humor, i, mistake, mistakes, people, social, social behavior, words
When I grow up, I’d like to be a retired lottery winner.

0

5 months ago

aspiration, grow, humor, i, ID, lottery, lottery winner, retirement, winner, wish
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a car.

0

2 months ago

analogy, belief, car, Christian, church, garage, going, humor, identity

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

68 shares on Instagram this month:

My entire life changed once I found out that a crush is just a lack of information.

65 shares on Discord this month:

I don’t understand my wardrobe. It’s full, but I don’t have clothes.

24 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The problem with self-checkout is that all the cashiers are idiots.

67 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m not easily offended, but I am easily annoyed.

88 shares on WeChat this month:

I hate when people can’t let go of the past. Debt collectors are the worst.

63 shares on Twitch this month:

I’ve decided that I need to eat more vegetables, so I’m gonna make a carrot cake later.

47 shares on Pinterest this month:

If humanity is so smart, how come it took thousands of years after the wheel was invented for someone to put them on a suitcase?

77 shares on X this month:

Imagine falling in love with me then finding out I’m a slow walker.

40 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Hate when I view someone’s story, and it’s their birthday.

22 shares on TikTok this month:

Touch my butt, not my coffee.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

I always leave my friends voicemails in case they suddenly decide to be a musician and need an interlude.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

I hate interviewing. Just hire me. I stand on business, for real.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

I don’t always clear my calculator, but when I do, I hit both C and CE a bunch of times because I don’t know exactly what they do.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

The closest I get to a spa day is when I’m draining pasta, and the steam smacks me in the face.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Stop blaming everyone for all of your problems. Pick one person you hate, and blame them for everything.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

Are you stupid, sand? You could just lay here forever on this beautiful beach, but no, you have to try with all you’ve got, to get into my shoes.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

Commas are like garlic, you measure with your heart.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

Turns out I’m not an afternoon person either.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

I lied, there’s no sex. I just needed help getting out of my skinny jeans.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

Seriously? I came out of hibernation for this?

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Telegram:

Nobody lures you into a gingerbread house in the forest anymore.

Breaking via Twitch:

Being famous on social media is like being rich in Monopoly. It’s not real, so calm down.

Shared recently on X:

You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not a jar of Nutella.

Trending via WhatsApp:

How do I tell Instagram I don’t want to see guys almost eaten by gators?

Just shared via Threads:

My playlist so bipolar. We either in love, depressed, or gang members.

Seen just now on Discord:

I calculated my December budget and realized everyone is getting a hug for Christmas.

Trending via Discord:

If the interviewer doesn’t think it’s cool when you pull a quarter out of his ear, the job wasn’t good enough for you anyways.

Just landed via Facebook:

Why would I get married when it’s a well-known fact that only 50% of all marriages end in divorce?

Just landed via LinkedIn:

My family was too poor for a gene pool, so we soaked our genes in rye whiskey.

Trending via Discord:

A woman’s G-spot can be found at the end of the word shopping.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If it weren’t for this whole job thingy that pays me money, I’d become a professional nap taker.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Oxygen was discovered in 1773. How did our ancestors breathe before then?

Socialism is like polio, it comes back when people forget about the horrible damage it did last time.

Let’s lay on the couch together, play on our phones, and ignore each other, babe.

I like people who can admit their mistakes and apologize. In other words, I like very few people.

When I grow up, I’d like to be a retired lottery winner.

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a car.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨