If the office is always a little cold, you might be working for the lizard people.

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Wild that we could have been foraging for berries and dying off at 33, but we chose this nonsense instead.

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Why did they call it an Amazon wishlist and not an ‘Oughttobuyography’.

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Major cheat code in life: ask for the big, unreasonable thing. The universe meets you at your level of audacity.

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I’m sorry, being on social media gave you the impression I’m a social person.

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The ‘b’ in ‘subtle’ totally is.

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Flour company: What if we sell it in a paper bag that’s not fully sealed at the bottom?

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People who quit their jobs before having a backup job lined up ain’t scared of nothing.