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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

My best three minutes of sleep are the ones right before the alarm goes off.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

Being naked with shoes on feels more naked than being totally naked.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

You can’t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on Facebook every day.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

Don’t compare yourself with others. Everyone is better than you.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

I am not old. I am in the prime of my decay.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

In my opinion, those who go jogging on a Sunday morning certainly don’t have a comfortable sofa.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

Winter hack: Avoid the cold by never leaving your house.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

If swimming is such good exercise, explain whales.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

At least men and women can agree on one thing: it feels amazing to take a bra off.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

I have poor night vision so I upgraded to LED headlights because it’s important to me to ensure nobody else can see either.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,554

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Discord:

You don’t scare me. I used to have to call and ask a girl’s parents if she was there.

Trending via Pinterest:

Waiting for toast to toast takes forever unless you walk away for 10 seconds, then it burns.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

It’s funny we got universal near-perfect free translation, and the world didn’t really change at all.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Looking forward to another year of crushing reality and unfulfilled dreams.

Just landed via Reddit:

I have never read a Hacker News thread where any of the commenters seemed as if their life contained joy.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

If my dog knew how many photos I have of him sleeping, he’d file a restraining order against me.

Going viral on Messenger:

I think I can now safely say that none of my co-workers were “personality hires”.

Seen just now on Discord:

I automatically assume everyone finds me unattractive until they tell me otherwise, and then I assume that they are lying to make fun of me.

Going viral on TikTok:

A Twitter swear jar could end world hunger.

Going viral on Instagram:

When I’m at a party, I pretend to be Pac-Man. I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.

If they played poker with potato chips, I’d have a gambling problem.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Stacking chips takes on a whole new meaning when you can't stop eating your winnings! 🥔🎰😂"

chip, chips, food, food humor, gambling, gambling problem, game, humor, ID, joking, played, poker, potato, potato chip, problem, snack

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If I’m ever found dead in the woods, it’s probably because I was trying to pet a bear.

0

2 months ago

bear, danger, dead, ever, found, humor, i, irony, nature, pet, trying, wildlife, woods
I wish I could just drop my body off at the gym and pick it up later.

0

2 months ago

body, drop, drop off, exercise, fitness, gym, humor, i, just, later, pick, pick-up, wish
God sends you an only child as a friend to test you.

0

2 months ago

child, friend, God, humor, only, parenting, relationship, test
Everyone is all “love is patient” during the wedding, but when there’s a long line for the open bar, not so much.

0

2 months ago

bar, everyone, expectation, humor, irony, line, love, open, open bar, patient, relationship, wedding
I don’t know how to explain it, but sometimes cheese just falls into my cart at the grocery store.

0

2 months ago

cart, cheese, explain, food, grocery, grocery store, humor, i, just, know, relatable, shopping, sometimes, store, surprise
Whoever thinks money doesn’t buy happiness can deposit it in my bank account.

0

2 months ago

account, bank, deposit, finance, happiness, humor, irony, money, wealth

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

23 shares on Reddit this month:

People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out… I mean, don’t they have thoughts?

19 shares on YouTube this month:

I like that they put all that stuff outside for you to look at when you’re on a walk.

78 shares on Threads this month:

I honestly have no idea what a vitamin is. It’s in a banana but it’s also the sun? Sure.

71 shares on Slack this month:

A murder on the dance floor would explain the panic! at the disco.

17 shares on Messenger this month:

If I were to “picture everybody in the room naked,” I would be stunned and in awe of the beauty and diversity of the human form before me. But thanks for the advice.

46 shares on TikTok this month:

I’d like to place an order for a large kiss and an extra-long hug.

33 shares on Facebook this month:

Staying weird for my own sanity.

12 shares on Discord this month:

I’m the Usain Bolt of running late.

54 shares on Discord this month:

Nose so runny it just signed me up for a 10k.

97 shares on Reddit this month:

My dream car is a taco truck.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

You know what part I love about waking up? None of it. Let me sleep!

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

“I’m giving my daughter a male name, ain’t nobody cracking an Abdul.”

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

May he drop his phone on his face while he’s texting other girls.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

My husband asked me if he had any annoying habits then got offended during the PowerPoint presentation.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

Socialism is like polio, it comes back when people forget about the horrible damage it did last time.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

I learned that when dogs lean against you it’s their version of hugging and now every time my dog leans against me my eyes start leaking.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Once again I feel like I slept in a washing machine.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

For someone who is afraid of failure, I’m very unmotivated.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

Back then, my parents were afraid of what I would do on the Internet. Today, I’m afraid of what my parents do on the Internet.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

“I should’ve peed before I left,” will be my epitaph.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

Fruit and vegetables expire faster when you’re the one paying for them.

Going bananas on Reddit:

I might be late to a lot of places, but the airport is not one of them.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Nobody ever talks about how Sodom and Gomorrah were walkable cities.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Facing my uncle’s dreaded lightning bolt attack at the Thanksgiving dinner table.

Shared recently on X:

Marriages are like pancakes. Sometimes you gotta throw the first one out.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Saturdays are for doing absolutely everything or doing absolutely nothing, everybody knows that.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Some people are like ads, just skip.

Live now on WeChat:

Imagine hating me and im just at my desk spinning reeaaally fast in my office chair.

Live now on TikTok:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn’t for throwing at people who stress you out?

Making waves on Instagram:

I like when I walk with people and they note that I’m a fast walker. We’re in a race. We’re in a race and you’re losing actually.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If they played poker with potato chips, I’d have a gambling problem.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

If I’m ever found dead in the woods, it’s probably because I was trying to pet a bear.

I wish I could just drop my body off at the gym and pick it up later.

God sends you an only child as a friend to test you.

Everyone is all “love is patient” during the wedding, but when there’s a long line for the open bar, not so much.

I don’t know how to explain it, but sometimes cheese just falls into my cart at the grocery store.

Whoever thinks money doesn’t buy happiness can deposit it in my bank account.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨