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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

When I say someone is a good doctor, it’s entirely based on the strength of their waiting room Wi-Fi.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

Uber drivers have secret access to a streaming service of exclusively the worst music you’ve ever heard.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

My favorite part about being sick is when you sneeze with a cough drop in your mouth and it launches across the room like a cruise missile.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

Someone from Facebook Marketplace is coming over to either buy the chairs I have for sale, or to murder me.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

My dad once sneezed so hard that he set every clock back two hours.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Why would I take the high road when I could take the psychopath?

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

All this overthinking, and I still make the worst decisions.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Damn boy, are you a horoscope? Because I’m selectively focusing on the parts of you that make sense for me.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

A guy in the parking lot saw me trip over my own feet so I yelled to him “I just quantum leaped into this body!”

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

I know it hurts like hell, and you don’t think you can do it, but it’s just one push-up.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,474

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

How many sit-ups do I have to do before I get a six-pack? Please say 5.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Your Majesty” would be the best name for a cat.

Just shared via WeChat:

Laying next to my charger waiting for my phone to die, that’s how lazy I am.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Packed all my meds into one bottle for a trip and accidentally invented the best trail mix.

Spotted on Threads:

I’ve just told my doctor I have all the Monkey Pox symptoms. He asked me to swing by tomorrow.

Shared recently on Twitch:

(to the boys in the yard) I hope you brought your own milkshake.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Do you scroll through Netflix to find a good show for your dog to watch when you leave the house or are you normal?

Spotted on LinkedIn:

“Age is just a number!” Yeah, the older I get, the number I feel.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Thanksgiving and Christmas should be six months apart. Absurd to see those people again so soon. Insane.

Trending via TikTok:

The neighbor sneezes loudly from the balcony. And because I’m a polite person, I shout loudly: Disgusting!

If you pretend you’re erasing the evidence of a murder while cleaning the bathroom, you’ll do a better job, and it actually becomes fun!

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If you pretend you’re erasing the evidence of a murder while cleaning the bathroom, you’ll do a better job, and it actually becomes fun!
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Commentary:
Channeling my inner crime scene investigator while scrubbing away! 🚿🕵️‍♂️🔪 Who knew bathroom cleaning could be such a thriller? 😄

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

53 shares on YouTube this month:

If I say I love you, it’s just the apocalypse talking.

46 shares on YouTube this month:

All of my fitness goals are within reach, but unfortunately, so are the crisps.

56 shares on Slack this month:

Sometimes I can’t tell if I’m in preschool or school… Oh wait, I’m at work.

74 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Stop using ChatGPT. I can feed you misinformation too and I’m also beautiful and funny sometimes.

70 shares on Threads this month:

Not commenting on your girl’s stuff is weird. I want my man barking in my comments.

36 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Hello, boyfriend? It’s me, girlfriend, from dating?

46 shares on WeChat this month:

I took a test to see if I have multiple personalities. I scored 100%, 92% and 88%.

52 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Whenever I close an app and immediately open it back up, I really feel how dire it all is.

41 shares on Instagram this month:

My boss just left which means I have finished all of my work for the day.

35 shares on Snapchat this month:

The problem with self-checkout is that all the cashiers are idiots.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Living with a dog is 90% following each other around, watching each other go potty, and wondering what the other has in their mouth.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

There are two types of people in the world, those who have to go to Walmart, and those who get to go to Walmart.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Potato chips ARE vegetables! I exclaim as I tear open the third bag.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

This year should be named “things I never thought could happen”.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

The agony of thinking you’re finished doing the dishes, only to turn around and, to your horror, the pot.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish I was a cat. No bills, no job, just meow, meow.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate interviewing. Just hire me. I stand on business, for real.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

The season is back when women are 80% scarf.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t fall for me — I’ll treat you right, and you’ll get bored and cheat.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to adulthood: 9pm is midnight now.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,415

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

Just shaved my whole body for Santa.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

And where did Mr. Pepper receive his degree from exactly?

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

Not now, babe, it’s my nightly phone enrichment time.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Showing your emotions to the wrong people is like bleeding next to a shark.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

I’m thinking stuff like “yeah” and also stuff like “yup.”

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

When I say I’m tired, the “of people” is silent.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

I’m not super into getting older but I do like how nobody asks me to help them move anymore.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

What’s a polite way to tell someone you hope they get mauled by a bear?

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

If she wants the moon, you get her the moon.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

You look like you suck at Mario Kart.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

Sorry, can’t go out tonight. My bed told me it needs me, and I can’t let it down.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past two years.

Spotted on Instagram:

Laugh all you want. My Encyclopedia Britannica set will never require WiFi.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I may be a beginner at some things, but I have a black belt in shopping.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Opened two gifts this morning, and they were my eyes.

Spotted on Twitch:

I like people who make eye contact like they know something I don’t.

Going viral on WeChat:

I am on a diet where you just speak Italian: “Pasta,” “Pizza,” and “I’m leaving Rooma for dessert.”

Going viral on Snapchat:

The best part about your kids being sick is you get to see exactly how shitty you’re going to feel in 48 hours.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I’ve learned a lot over the years, but the best advice I can ever give someone is never buy a used harmonica.

Going viral on TikTok:

Shoutout to video games, man. I love having a reason to live.

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