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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

I would reset the clock on your microwave for you.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

New email opener just dropped: “I am interested in bothering you!”

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

It’s okay if you don’t like me, not everyone has good taste.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

Don’t worry, better days are coming. They are called Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

People argue with me more in my head than they do in real life.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

People have ex girlfriends, I have ex crushes.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

When life gives you lemons maybe think to yourself, “that’s really quite remarkable given how far I live from a climate capable of growing citrus.”

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

“You live and you learn!” Bro, I don’t want to do either of those things.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

I kind of can’t wait for my generation to be bumping 90’s hip hop, rap, and heavy metal at the old folks’ homes.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about yourself. You can do that on your own.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,452

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Snapchat:

You look like the type of person that would fart in bed and Dutch Oven yourself.

Making waves on Instagram:

Going to ask seven friends for advice and then execute my original plan.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

How can people lift weights? My arms get tired just by putting my hair up in a ponytail.

Just shared via Reddit:

I met a microbiologist today. He was a lot bigger than I expected.

Going viral on Telegram:

If anyone wants to contact me, from now on I can only be reached via my bank account.

Spotted on Telegram:

“God has a plan for you!” Okay, well, I have some notes for him.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

David Attenborough narrating my life: “He’s still sleeping.”

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Every house is a dream house when you can’t afford one.

Just shared via Slack:

I briefly stepped away from social media to get an idea of what else is going on in the world. For instance, I didn’t realize I was still married.

Breaking via TikTok:

Decorated the house across the street so I can look out the window and enjoy my handiwork.

If you respond to my sarcasm with better sarcasm, then I might just catch feelings.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When sarcasm is the love language, it’s hard not to fall head over heels 😂💬❤️

banter, better, catch, emotion, feelings, humor, i, just, respond, response, sarcasm, wit

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m really glad that light only attracts insects. Imagine wild boars would come knocking at your windows all the time.

0

2 months ago

animals, boar, glad, humor, imagination, imagine, insects, knocking, light, nature, only, time, wild, wild boar, Windows
Always be kind. You never know who might own a jacuzzi.

0

2 months ago

always, be kind, fun, humor, interaction, jacuzzi, kind, kindness, know, never, own, ownership, social, social interaction, surprise
I hope one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is single.

0

2 months ago

apocalypse, dating, four, Four Horsemen, hope, horsemen, humor, i, joke, sarcasm, single
I don’t understand why my cooking was garbage. I did everything right. I drank wine while I cooked. I had a hand towel over my shoulder. Literally everything right.

0

4 months ago

cooking, cooking fail, drank, everything, fail, garbage, hand, hand towel, humor, i, kitchen, literally, over, right, shoulder, towel, understand, while, why, wine
Standing on a scale and thinking: so much wisdom and inner beauty can’t be light.

0

2 months ago

beauty, body, body image, humor, image, inner, inner beauty, light, much, scale, self-reflection, standing, thinking, weight, wisdom
One minute you’re young and fun, and the next, you’re turning down the stereo in your car to see better.

0

2 months ago

aging, better, car, eyesight, fun, humor, minute, next, stereo, turning, young, youth

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

58 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t understand how spending more money than I earn is irresponsible. I’m giving more than I take. I’m generous.

39 shares on Pinterest this month:

If I’m ever in a coma, please pluck my chin hairs.

61 shares on Pinterest this month:

She was rare. Like a parking spot in the front row on a rainy day.

38 shares on Reddit this month:

I don’t understand people who say “I don’t know how to thank you.” Like they never heard of money.

69 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The good news is cannon deaths have gone down dramatically in the last hundred years.

49 shares on WeChat this month:

Making friends as an adult is wild because there’s so much lore to catch up on. You’ll be 3 years in and still get random drops like, ‘Oh, by the way, I used to be married.’

23 shares on Instagram this month:

Why would I spend money on the zoo when I can watch my colleagues for free?

48 shares on Discord this month:

I haven’t broken a mirror lately, but my water broke and I’ve had seven years of kids crawling into my bed.

18 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sometimes I miss the time when there was only one idiot per village.

18 shares on WeChat this month:

Nobody bools anymore. In high school, everyone was booling.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

What no one ever considers is that the kids are pretending to believe in Santa for the sake of the parents.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

“Follow your heart,” as advice, is sort of like “abandon yourself to cognitive bias.”

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

When a door closes in life, sometimes it’s better to grab a hammer and nails and make sure the damn thing stays shut.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

Whatever y’all heard about me, I’m way worse.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

If, I, want to, put, a comma, there, then, I will put, the comma, there.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

Sorry, I ghosted you. I liked you too much.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

Why did Star Wars Episodes 4, 5 & 6 come out before 1,2 & 3? Because in charge of directing, Yoda was.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

Unmarried in your 30s should honestly be rebranded as – ‘Congrats, you didn’t pick the wrong person out of panic’.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Sledding is the best! (until you have to walk back up the hill)

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

I deserve a love so pure that my nervous system can finally rest.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I wish I could join, but I’m busy plotting revenge because my kids laughed when I showed them I can shake it better than Shakira.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Zen and the Art of Empty Pockets.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

A cheat code to adulting is to always have something to look forward to, no matter how small or big.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Hanging out with your parents as an adult is so interesting, cause it’s like, “Oh, so that’s why I’m like this.”

Making waves on Twitch:

I would pay extra for a dental hygienist who was comfortable with silence.

Going viral on Instagram:

When a woman texts you three questions, you should only answer one. She will love that.

Trending via Telegram:

Everyone on the bus thinks that they are the main character, when in reality the main character is the bus.

Making waves on Messenger:

Please be delicate with me, I’m built like a Nature Valley bar.

Going viral on WeChat:

My save-for-later cart on Amazon is up to about $1.5 million dollars.

Just shared via X:

We’re limited only by our imagination and some federal agencies.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If you respond to my sarcasm with better sarcasm, then I might just catch feelings.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’m really glad that light only attracts insects. Imagine wild boars would come knocking at your windows all the time.

Always be kind. You never know who might own a jacuzzi.

I hope one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is single.

I don’t understand why my cooking was garbage. I did everything right. I drank wine while I cooked. I had a hand towel over my shoulder. Literally everything right.

Standing on a scale and thinking: so much wisdom and inner beauty can’t be light.

One minute you’re young and fun, and the next, you’re turning down the stereo in your car to see better.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨