Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

Just went to the Oreo website and hit “accept all cookies” … and now we wait.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

I’m thinking stuff like “yeah” and also stuff like “yup.”

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

Parenting is yelling ‘you just had a snack!’ over and over until you give in and throw them another snack.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Being too stressed isn’t good for the baby. I’m not pregnant though, it’s just that I’m the baby.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

This is about the time of year where my enthusiasm about shoveling snow turns into “it will probably melt on it’s own”.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

I’m at the age where I understand why my parents never wanted to stop for anything on the way home from work.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

If anyone is still on Facebook, please check on my parents.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

No one talks about how uncomfortable it is to ask for your own money back.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I never wanted to download the Microsoft Authenticator app on my personal phone to access every professional platform necessary to do my job.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

My AI-generated girlfriend is hotter than your real girlfriend.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,544

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WeChat:

Mice after a breakup be like “we are not on squeaking terms”.

Just shared via Slack:

Having an international law degree in this day and age must be what it feels like losing chess to a dog and getting robbed of $90,000 afterward.

Going bananas on Slack:

No one is shocked when a defibrillator doesn’t work.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Whenever I have a headache, I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Looks fade but dark, twisted, inappropriate humor is forever.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I asked myself if I was the problem and we said no.

Seen just now on X:

Do other people remember toasters with wings flying across our computer screens or was that a fever dream I just had?

Shared recently on Reddit:

Having a crush as an adult is soooo embarrassing. I’m literally too old for this. I’m gonna learn how to forge a sword.

Making waves on Threads:

Dear algo, please only show this post to benevolent aliens.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I do block people right away; you’re not going to stress me out on my own phone, with my own internet, and in my own house.

I’ll stop smoking weed when life stops smoking me.

4 weeks ago

Witty text about life's chaos and smoking, humorously highlighting personal struggles.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Trying to quit, but life keeps offering me a light. 😂💨

addiction, coping, coping mechanism, humor, life, me, mechanism, smoking, stop, stress, weed

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

14 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Adulting in 3 words: it’s always something.

84 shares on Facebook this month:

Sometimes I don’t worry about things at all and other times I am awake.

64 shares on TikTok this month:

WhatsApp calls should indicate whose internet is poor to avoid unnecessary arguments.

93 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t know if I’m still tired or already tired.

90 shares on Facebook this month:

Like most people my age, I’m 50.

98 shares on Instagram this month:

You don’t see guys traveling around on those seesaw-type push carts on railroad tracks anymore.

40 shares on Twitch this month:

Stretching my back isn’t enough; I need to take out my spine and wring it out like a towel.

90 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m not always annoying, sometimes I sleep too.

37 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My wife refuses to hire a housekeeper because she doesn’t want them to see this mess.

14 shares on Slack this month:

I won’t rest until a cure for insomnia is found.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Girls be like, “Baby, I have a great idea,” and it’s a trip you have to pay for.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Just paid rent. Now I have a place to starve in.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

People who own banana costumes will wear that shit to anything.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

Cashews are my favorite because they’re salty and hunched over just like me.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

Marriage is just asking each other, “What do you want to do for dinner?” and then replying, “No, not that,” until death do us part.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

The whole “read before you go to bed to get sleepy” thing does not apply to me because I will be up till 5 a.m. if the book is worth it.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

Hey! Sorry I missed your text, I am processing a non-stop 24/7 onslaught of information with a brain designed to eat berries in a cave.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

If you think I’m evil, wait until you meet the man who made me this way.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

If you collect the crumbs from one Nature Valley granola bar, you can make three more granola bars.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

Ever think vampires just lied about hating garlic, now we’re just out here seasoning ourselves for them?

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Threads:

In six days God created heaven and earth. On the seventh day, in the interests of balance, the BBC interviewed Satan.

Making waves on YouTube:

I’ve heard that some people have kids who sleep through the night and I’d like to know if they use tranquilizers or chloroform.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

“Unavailable” is my favorite state to be in.

Trending via Slack:

Instead of studying, I like to stay on my phone and worry about how I’m going to pass.

Just landed via X:

Not to brag, but I ate all of my bananas before they turned brown. Don’t be jealous.

Live now on Facebook:

The more nicknames I have for you, the more I like you.

Seen just now on X:

Cleaning the kitchen, but saw the laundry, so I watered a plant, and now I’m making a dentist appointment.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Don’t ever get excited if your kid likes a new food. They won’t like it tomorrow.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I slept for 11 hours last night, just wanted everyone with kids to know that.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Working your entire life so you can ‘enjoy’ a couple of years when you’re close to death is the biggest scam of all time.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’ll stop smoking weed when life stops smoking me.

So apparently it’s still a DUI even if you’re the birthday boy.

I’m afraid to go to therapy — what if they fix me and I lose my funny?

Stop blaming everyone for your problems. Pick one person you really hate and blame them for everything.

You don’t have to be crazy to hang out with me. I’ll train you.

Congrats to my tween for graduating at the top of his class from eye roll university.

If only my bank balance was as high as my daily calorie intake.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’ll stop smoking weed when life stops smoking me.

Keep the laugh going 😂

So apparently it’s still a DUI even if you’re the birthday boy.

I’m afraid to go to therapy — what if they fix me and I lose my funny?

Stop blaming everyone for your problems. Pick one person you really hate and blame them for everything.

You don’t have to be crazy to hang out with me. I’ll train you.

Congrats to my tween for graduating at the top of his class from eye roll university.

If only my bank balance was as high as my daily calorie intake.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨