Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

Automatic doors that don’t open fast enough make me look dumb.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

I was not made for a 9 to 5; I was made to eat pasta and lay in the sun like a lizard.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

How am I supposed to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

I could be a masseuse, or I could just be pulling your leg.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

I’m not a very good poker player cause my eyes turn into big dollar signs when I see that I have a good hand.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

Life’s all about crossroads and intersections; unfortunately, I’m a bad driver.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

Remember when movies felt real, and foreheads could wrinkle.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

Don’t go chasing waterfalls? The place where many video games hide easter eggs and other rare items?

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

I’ve reached the age where I would rather go to a hardware store than a club.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Concert tickets should be 75% off if the artist is really super special to you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,726

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Telegram:

Nothing prepares you for the day you wake up and realize you have a favorite cardigan.

Going viral on TikTok:

Telemarketer: “Hello, am I speaking to the head of the household?” Me, handing the phone to my cat: “It’s for you.”

Just shared via Twitch:

There should be an opposite of Valentine’s Day where you post Instagram photos of your enemy.

Seen just now on TikTok:

76% of pardoned turkeys end up back in the system.

Just shared via Facebook:

If you start liking someone, just block them. Follow me for more relationship advice.

Seen just now on TikTok:

It may sound crazy but some of us are nice without hidden agendas.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I’m confused how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living.

Just shared via TikTok:

You know the trouble with real life? There’s no danger music.

Spotted on Telegram:

Release that sexual frustration, get a burger.

Just landed via Slack:

Olympic gymnast: does the most amazing thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Announcer: Oh dear, that will be a point deduction.

I’m an expert at having a really funny story to tell and then wording it so badly that it’s not even funny anymore.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
Relatable! I'm basically the Picasso of storytelling—abstract and confusing 😂🎨📖

communication, even, expert, Funny, funny story, having, humor, joke, language, mistake, story, storytelling, tell, wording

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

We all got a little Barbie in us (the microplastics).

0

2 months ago

Barbie, culture, environmentalism, got, humor, irony, little, microplastic, microplastics, pop, pop culture, self-reflection, us
A big part of my job as a parent is moving things away from the edges of countertops.

0

2 months ago

away, big, countertops, daily, daily life, home, humor, job, life, moving, parent, parenting, responsibility, safety, things
One year closer to whatever age my obituary will say.

0

2 months ago

age, birthday, closer, humor, life, mortality, obituary, reflection, say, time, whatever, year
I like to begin every day by looking forward to the end of the day.

0

2 months ago

begin, day, end, every, forward, humor, i, look forward, looking, motivation, perspective, routine
I do not support all women. Some of you are very mean for no reason.

0

2 months ago

commentary, honesty, humor, i, mean, reason, relationships, social, social commentary, support, women
The older I get, the easier it is for me to look at a situation and say: “Yeahhh, I’m out.”

0

5 months ago

aging, attitude, decision, easier, exit, exit strategy, humor, i, maturity, me, older, say, situation, strategy

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

33 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here doing an epic air-drum solo to ‘In The Air Tonight’.

76 shares on Instagram this month:

I don’t need all of these heat advisory warnings on my phone. I’ve been outside. I have skin. I know.

62 shares on Reddit this month:

I love asking 5 different people for advice then doing what I want.

53 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My favorite thing to do at the gym is stay home and eat a piece of cake.

12 shares on WeChat this month:

The most incredible thing about James Bond is the way he can walk into any hotel room and immediately know how to use the shower.

33 shares on Twitch this month:

If my neighbors keep fighting like this, I might need to cancel some of my streaming services.

77 shares on YouTube this month:

My neighbor said he heard me having sex today but it was just me standing in front of my air conditioner.

82 shares on Reddit this month:

Nearly choked on a carrot. A donut would never do that to me.

48 shares on Telegram this month:

In honor of the last eclipse, I will also get in the way of someone brighter than me.

78 shares on Pinterest this month:

Your woman will take 2 hours to get ready, but if you don’t have your shoes on when she is ready, you’re the problem.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Everyone’s an expert after the fact.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

Welcome to middle age. Everything you encounter is either blurry or too loud now.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

The divorce rate among my socks is astonishing.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

Sorry, my face wasn’t created to hide that much distain for what you’re saying.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Dogs can’t talk and everyone loves them. Coincidence? I think not.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

My friend thinks he’s smart. He said onions are the only food that makes him cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

I put the dance in “Good riddance!”

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

You’re mistaking me with someone who’s stupid.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

Watching Jaws with my kid because I’m sick of going to the beach.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

Imagine how organized the first person to write down a recipe must have been.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Discord:

Sometimes I use big words I don’t always fully understand, in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.

Spotted on Twitch:

Now that I’m in my mid-forties, I think I’ll take up parkour.

Just shared via Pinterest:

The first bowl of cereal makes you want a second, but the second makes you wish you stopped at the first.

Just shared via YouTube:

I’ve reached that age where I don’t have to drink to forget because it just happens naturally now.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Don’t tell me that everything was better in the past. I was there.

Seen just now on Instagram:

You’re not going to believe this, but I was doing really well, and then your email found me.

Seen just now on X:

If you’re not dropping it like it’s hot, then what the hell are you doing?

Breaking via Twitch:

I got a raise! On my meds dosage. But still.

Making waves on Slack:

It’s Monday again and I’m about to make it everyone’s problem.

Trending via Threads:

Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you wanted.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m an expert at having a really funny story to tell and then wording it so badly that it’s not even funny anymore.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

We all got a little Barbie in us (the microplastics).

A big part of my job as a parent is moving things away from the edges of countertops.

One year closer to whatever age my obituary will say.

I like to begin every day by looking forward to the end of the day.

I do not support all women. Some of you are very mean for no reason.

The older I get, the easier it is for me to look at a situation and say: “Yeahhh, I’m out.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨