Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

Can’t wait to put up holiday lights so life can be equally crappy but festively so.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

Need to win the lottery so I can focus on going to museums and working out.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

Snow White and the seven dwarves of the menopause; Itchy, Bitchy, Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated, Forgetful, and Psycho.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

So apparently it’s still a DUI even if you’re the birthday boy.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

I’m inventing a website for unemployed people called LinkedOut.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Yeah, sex is cool and all, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back?

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

Animals are 15 minutes old and already know what to do.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

A couple of birds are outside fighting. Wait. They’ve quieted down. There’s a third bird. I think he may be their therapist.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m bringing back “hold your horses” and nobody can stop me.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

A garlic a day keeps people away.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,263

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Discord:

Why are moths always out at night when they like light so much? Wait til y’all find out about the sun.

Spotted on Slack:

Everyone is getting pregnant or married, and I’m back to “What’s your favorite color?“

Just landed via Telegram:

I have neither the patience nor the crayons to show you why this is a bad idea.

Seen just now on Slack:

I’m not saying I’m old. I’m just saying that my dinner time and bedtime are getting dangerously close to each other.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Hiring a mortician to do my makeup while I sleep.

Just landed via Instagram:

Meatloaf is a good safe word. It means I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that…

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Eating dark chocolate is practically eating vegetables.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

About four minutes into my run, I’ve decided I want to work on my personality instead.

Trending via TikTok:

Have you ever apologized to your car after you hit a pothole?

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I once made the irresponsible decision to drink and drive and now I have to live the rest of my days with a coffee stain on my favorite sweater.

“I’m at a point in my life where I don’t go anywhere unless I absolutely have to.”

2 months ago

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Commentary:
Life goals: transforming into furniture while minimizing social interactions. 🛋️😂 #SoLazyItsEpic

absolutely, anywhere, going, going out, humor, i, laziness, life, life stage, motivation, obligation, point, stage, where

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Salt and pepper shakers add an air of mystique to any bathroom.

2 months ago

air, bathroom, decor, humor, kitchen, mystique, pepper, quirky, salt, shakers
I am “I can’t remember the last time I went out on New Year’s Eve” old.

2 months ago

activity, age, am, celebration, eve, fun, fun activity, humor, i, last, memory, new, new year, nightlife, old, remember, reminiscence, time, year
Being an adult is getting excited about buying new appliances.

2 months ago

activity, adult, appliances, being, buying, excited, fun, fun activity, getting, humor, maturity, new, shopping
Yes, I’d love to learn your family card game. I’m sure it won’t be excruciating at all.

2 months ago

card, card game, family, game, game night, humor, ID, learn, learning, love, night, sarcasm, sure, yes
Tom and Jerry fooled me into thinking dogs bullied cats when it’s the opposite in reality.

3 months ago

bullied, bully, cartoon, cat, cats, dog, dogs, jerry, me, misconception, opposite, reality, thinking, tom, Tom and Jerry
Nobody watches you harder than people who don’t like you, so give them a show they will never forget.

2 months ago

attention, attitude, confidence, entertainment, forget, give, harder, humor, motivation, never, nobody, observation, people, rivalry, sarcasm, show

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

24 shares on TikTok this month:

I talk a lot of shit for someone who is startled by my own toast popping up while I’m watching it. Every. Single. Time.

55 shares on Twitch this month:

Have to write a note to my kid’s first grade teacher, and now I’m stressed out about my handwriting.

82 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m tired of pretending talking about the weather isn’t fun.

65 shares on Slack this month:

I will die on this hill or any hill really. I have no hill preference.

18 shares on Twitch this month:

There are only two portion sizes for mashed potatoes: nowhere near enough (posh restaurants) or far, far too much (literally everyone else).

14 shares on Snapchat this month:

Life is way too short to pretend you’re not into some freaky stuff.

73 shares on Telegram this month:

Smash Mouth was so right, the years really do start coming and they don’t stop coming.

95 shares on Facebook this month:

This chapter of my life is called ‘at least the rent is paid’

48 shares on Twitch this month:

My favorite body lotion is Voltaren.

41 shares on Twitch this month:

Grape soda doesn’t taste at all like grapes, but it does taste like purple, and I don’t know how to explain that.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

Letting my wife sleep in a little longer for Mother’s Day before we wake her up and ask what’s for breakfast.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

Reverse cowgirl so he doesn’t see the double chin.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

Every few months, the urge to eat buttered toast will possess you.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

I suffer from awesomnia.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

It’s too bad he never woke up and chose violence. “Bob Ross, mob boss” has a nice ring to it.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

Sometimes being a woman is just trying to figure out if you’re hormonally sad, seasonally sad, or genuinely falling apart.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

Maximizing rent value by turning ‘homebody’ into an Olympic sport!

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

This bouncer’s lucky I’m with my lady and physically frightened of him or he’d be in a world of pain.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

They say “When you snooze, you lose”… I say “When you take a nappy, you are happy.”

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

You can reach me by butterfly.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

Those 8 hours at work go by quickly when you call off.

Trending via Messenger:

I don’t know how to knit, so I made you a tinfoil hat.

Breaking via Twitch:

I enjoy long walks up and down my stairs trying to remember what I was supposed to be doing.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

My dog sure does give a lot of side eye for someone without a job.

Just landed via X:

I wish British people had subtitles so I knew what they are on about.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Some of us better hope Santa doesn’t check social media, because if he does, all we’re getting for Christmas is therapy.

Shared recently on Telegram:

How can vampires enjoy drinking our hot blood in the summer and other thoughts that keep me up at night.

Making waves on Reddit:

Please, Tinder, add AI to your app. I don’t want to be involved in the modern dating experience. Let a robot do it for me. Let the machines suffer in our place.

Making waves on Messenger:

Sex is cool, but have you ever found an academic article that fits your research topic perfectly and supports all of your claims?

Broadcasted on TikTok:

It’s like 10,000 lies when all you need is the files.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

“I’m at a point in my life where I don’t go anywhere unless I absolutely have to.”

Keep the laugh going 😂

Salt and pepper shakers add an air of mystique to any bathroom.

I am “I can’t remember the last time I went out on New Year’s Eve” old.

Being an adult is getting excited about buying new appliances.

Yes, I’d love to learn your family card game. I’m sure it won’t be excruciating at all.

Tom and Jerry fooled me into thinking dogs bullied cats when it’s the opposite in reality.

Nobody watches you harder than people who don’t like you, so give them a show they will never forget.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨