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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re excited about your organized fridge.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

Can we take a moment to celebrate the little ride we get in the pneumatic chair at the hair salon or barber when they pump it up or down?

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Cashier: Did you find everything? Me: Did you hide something?

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

They should name a personality disorder after me.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

Everyone thinks they will be the first person in history to maintain their dignity while posting online.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

Why does the dentist have to take an x-ray of my teeth? They right there, bro!

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

Please go out, have fun, have friends, make connections. That mysterious lifestyle won’t save you.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

God creating the duck: waterproof that chicken and give it a kazoo.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

The best part about NYC is you literally see a brand new, hottest woman in your entire life every single day.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

She was unique, like a millennial that could drive a stick shift.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,563

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Worst part of a corporate job is no tips. Someone should slip you a $20 if you write a killer email.

Shared recently on Slack:

Wiping my hands on my pants before I’m shaking someone’s hand, so they spend the rest of the day wondering what I just touched.

Making waves on Twitch:

Men, it’s really simple. We want everything, but nothing, at the same time or different times, sometimes but not always.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I’m the one with the money.

Making waves on Slack:

Hate when people ask “why is it called Silence of the Lambs?” Like, did you hear any lambs during the movie? Use your head!

Just shared via Pinterest:

Don’t you hate it when you lose things? Like the motivation to do anything.

Spotted on Reddit:

I can relate to America, because I too am about to enter a depression.

Just landed via Slack:

Cooking your own meals really is the best way to devote 50 hours of your life every month to save $50.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Math is like Chinese to me.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I only use ‘sir’ disrespectfully.

I’m at the age where I have to warm up first before jumping to conclusions.

3 weeks ago

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Commentary:
Trying to avoid spraining my mind with those mental gymnastics! 🤔🧠💪

age, aging, before, conclusion, conclusions, humor, i, jumping, patience, warm, warm-up, where

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41 shares on Discord this month:

I’ve calculated my December budget and realized I can only afford to pray.

54 shares on Slack this month:

When I die and y’all go through my search history, you’ll be disappointed to find mostly just definitions for very common words that I wasn’t sure I was using correctly.

69 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My house was clean yesterday. Sorry, you missed it.

31 shares on TikTok this month:

There I was, quietly reliving my dream of having my own house, when suddenly I was attacked by insane prices.

47 shares on Threads this month:

When my husband says, “Let me ask my wife,” he’s just using me as an excuse to get out of whatever you’re asking him to do.

12 shares on WeChat this month:

1994: I can’t wait to see what the world is like in 30 years. 2024: God no.

79 shares on WeChat this month:

Gonna end every insult with “but in a good way”.

43 shares on Twitch this month:

Have you ever wanted to grab somebody by the shoulders, give them a good shake and whisper “Nobody cares!”

84 shares on WeChat this month:

Women’s fall fashion is basically coming up with ways to wear a blanket without it looking like you’re wearing a blanket.

45 shares on Threads this month:

I was hoping to age like a fine wine, but I sort of feel more like an avocado.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

I don’t drink and drive, but some people drive me to drink.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

The best part about having a crush is when they crush all your hopes and dreams.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

I’d be less aggressive in the morning if I could drive to work in a tank.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

Two people had sex and now I’m fighting for my life everyday.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

Hot girls have a private Instagram account with 20 followers.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

Got banned from the sauna at my gym for saying “steam me up, Scotty” a few too many times.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

My New Year’s resolution is to procrastinate. I’Il start tomorrow.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Tonight I wanted to stop drinking but then I remembered the owner of the pub has a family to feed.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

The sexual tension between me and vanishing without context is insane.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

In case of a disaster, women and children are being evacuated first so men can think about a solution in peace.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

I’ve shouted so much sporting advice from my sofa already this summer. It’s very tiring but hopefully it’s helping.

Trending via Slack:

My guardian angel is probably preoccupied with sports betting apps and generative AI, that’s why she’s letting all these bad things happen to me.

Trending via Discord:

Toothpaste sure knows how to ruin whatever you’re drinking.

Making waves on Facebook:

Please don’t celebrate April Fool’s day if you’re not a fool. My culture is not your costume.

Going viral on Facebook:

Don’t invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

If idiots could fly, TikTok would be an airport.

Shared recently on Telegram:

The sexual orientation where you’re attracted to both and men and women but they’re not attracted to you is called Bi-yourself.

Making waves on Twitch:

Gonna mess with my husband by texting “send nudes” when he’s in a work meeting.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I like to describe the difference between theory and practice with shopping lists and receipts.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

You think you’ve seen gold diggers, until you see a male friend group where only one of them made it.

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Activity Log ✨

I’m at the age where I have to warm up first before jumping to conclusions.

Don’t rush me, I’m still deciding whether I’ll be productive or not today!

One minute you’re young and carefree. The next minute you can feel in your knee when it starts to rain.

My mouth moves faster than my survival instincts.

The agony of thinking you’re finished doing the dishes, only to turn around and, to your horror, the pot.

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Activity Log ✨

I’m at the age where I have to warm up first before jumping to conclusions.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Don’t rush me, I’m still deciding whether I’ll be productive or not today!

One minute you’re young and carefree. The next minute you can feel in your knee when it starts to rain.

My boyfriend invited the neighbors over for dinner, “sometime,” so now we have to move.

My mouth moves faster than my survival instincts.

The agony of thinking you’re finished doing the dishes, only to turn around and, to your horror, the pot.

People be like “I love your energy” – then drain it.

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