Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

There’s nothing like the excitement of a brand-new book to add to the massive pile of books I still haven’t read.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

I’m tired of commercials trying to be funny. Scare me into buying something. I want to be terrified of buying the wrong toothpaste.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

Zoom is really only for one thing: realizing our dream of staring at ourselves while talking to other people.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

I love to sleep, I wish I could get paid to sleep.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

I used to party all night. Now I check the weather forecast for the next day to see if it’s a good laundry day.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

I’m thinking stuff like “yeah” and also stuff like “yup.”

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

If you keep the house dark, not only do you save on electricity, but it also looks cleaner.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Full-time employment will have you making lists of thoughts to think.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

Bursting into a million bats the second I see you.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

The more I use social media, the more I see why children shouldn’t.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,658

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on TikTok:

You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not a jar of Nutella.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Pool rules: You’re not allowed to do anything that begins with the words ‘Hey everyone watch this!’

Shared recently on Threads:

Just asked this girl Hannah how she spells her name, and she just said, “Two of everything, darling.” Iconic!

Going viral on YouTube:

I think we all know who to blame for the generation of parents who put too many Ys in their kids’ names. Lynyrd Skynyrd.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Sometimes, in the middle of eating a rotisserie chicken, I ask myself “did I just run a red light?”

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

My neighbors were up shouting all night. I could barely hear my bagpipes.

Live now on WeChat:

If we ever make eye contact, just know I imagined way too much already.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

To anybody I hurt this year, I just wanna say you deserve it. Stop playing with me.

Just landed via TikTok:

You know it’s been a successful Thanksgiving when your clothes no longer fit.

Going viral on Threads:

I can’t wait to buy Chanel bags on a random Tuesday for me and my friends.

I’m broke in Monopoly, and my husband just asked if I want to earn $100.

1 day ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like it's time to pull out the old "house chores for board game cash" strategy! 🧹💰😂

asked, broke, earn, family, game, humor, husband, i, joke, just, money, Monopoly, relationship, want

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m liking your IG photo from 8 days ago because IG just showed me today!

3 months ago

8, ago, days, delay, humor, ig, Instagram, just, liking, me, media, notification, photo, social, social media, today
My dream is being pitted against the world’s greatest AI in a writing contest and crafting a story that’s so beautiful that I make the computer cry.

2 months ago

AI, beautiful, beauty, being, competition, computer, contest, crafting, creativity, cry, dream, emotion, humor, i, story, writing, writing contest
I’m so single. When they ask me for an emergency contact, I put the neighbor’s dog.

2 months ago

contact, dog, emergency, emergency contact, humor, i, loneliness, me, neighbor, neighbors, put, relationship, single
If you tell me to make myself at home, I’m going to ask you to leave.

2 months ago

ask, going, home, humor, invitation, leave, me, myself, situation, tell
I see from the back of your car that you have found Jesus, but not your turn signal.

4 months ago

back, car, driving, found, humor, i, Jesus, joke, religion, road, road safety, safety, signal, traffic, turn, turn signal
8 year gap on resume that just says “karate”.

2 months ago

activity, career, employment, gap, humor, job, job search, just, karate, resume, search, skills, year

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

78 shares on Instagram this month:

She didn’t leave you on read, bro. You left her on speechless.

86 shares on Messenger this month:

This entire month could’ve been an email.

29 shares on Messenger this month:

Hiring a mortician to do my makeup while I sleep.

68 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“Do something with your life.” Um, I am. Have you heard of a little thing called squandering?

90 shares on Threads this month:

Worst part of a corporate job is no tips. Someone should slip you a $20 if you write a killer email.

43 shares on Snapchat this month:

Terrible economy to ask a girl what’s wrong.

42 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m at the age where a house arrest no longer sounds like the worst thing.

28 shares on YouTube this month:

Sorry, I didn’t text back. I don’t like talking to people anymore.

84 shares on Facebook this month:

I birthed my kid faster than she can put on shoes.

69 shares on Messenger this month:

Turning in bad essays to professors you have a personal relationship with is the most humiliating thing ever.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Kiss me like you’re trying to damn my soul and save it in the same breath.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

I have two reactions when I leave the house: Ew, the people. Ew, the weather.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

Dates are weird, like, okay I guess I’ll dress up for my romantic interview.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

She is so narcissistic that her narcissism has narcissism.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

Apart from “It’s okay”, what other death threats do women use?

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

For all those wondering, yes, I am retired. I was tired yesterday, and I am tired again today.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

Twitter can teach you a lot of lessons. Grammar is not one of them.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking, one cleaning.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

Really looking forward to the day my teenager starts speaking English again.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

Once you book a trip, it becomes hard to focus on life.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

I’m the product of too much television and zero supervision.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Call me Frankenstein the way I’m piecing it together.

Seen just now on Threads:

Incredibly annoying that exercising, eating right, and drinking water can make you actually feel good.

Shared recently on X:

In an effort to keep our house clean before Thanksgiving, I’ve asked my family to go live somewhere else.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Fifty shades of I miss you.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Monday holds the record for being the worst day of the week.

Going bananas on Telegram:

No matter how messed up your situation is, someone on Reddit’s already lived it, cried about it, and made a 3-part update with screenshots and farmed 12k upvotes.

Shared recently on Facebook:

The way people who are really into each other look moments before kissing is so hot. It’s like seeing a glimpse of cannibalism.

Seen just now on Facebook:

My favorite unit of measurement is smithereens.

Just shared via TikTok:

I have now spread out a blue tarpaulin in the garden. I want it to look like I have a pool on Google Maps.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m broke in Monopoly, and my husband just asked if I want to earn $100.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I’m liking your IG photo from 8 days ago because IG just showed me today!

My dream is being pitted against the world’s greatest AI in a writing contest and crafting a story that’s so beautiful that I make the computer cry.

I’m so single. When they ask me for an emergency contact, I put the neighbor’s dog.

If you tell me to make myself at home, I’m going to ask you to leave.

I see from the back of your car that you have found Jesus, but not your turn signal.

8 year gap on resume that just says “karate”.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨