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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

The best part of my kid graduating was unsubscribing from the school’s text messages.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Wanna go back to my place and meow at each other?

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

This can’t be the same body that used to be able to stay up all night.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

Once again I feel like I slept in a washing machine.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

It’s not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

The rain is pouring. So naturally it’s a good day to eat 6 donuts.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

If you ever ask a teen to do something and they just say “sure” without arguing, check that they haven’t been replaced with an android.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

What are some beginner bad habits for someone just getting into ruining their life?

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

I have found that there is usually a lot of day left at the end of my patience.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

The fact it costs $15 to get a basic meal at a fast-food restaurant now is comical.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,250

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

Twitter is fun because you can post a pic of pizza and people will get mad at you.

Making waves on Discord:

I like that they put all that stuff outside for you to look at when you’re on a walk.

Spotted on Instagram:

I don’t post for money or fame, I post because there’s something seriously wrong with me.

Seen just now on Messenger:

People who don’t have a dishwasher, where do they bang their shins?

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

I think my type is a nice person.

Spotted on Discord:

Sorry, I booped your nose, but I was really hoping it was a mute button.

Spotted on Messenger:

Babe, what’s wrong? You’ve barely tweeted your manic thoughts today.

Trending via Facebook:

There’s an app for the people who say they’re not seeking some form of validation here. It’s called a diary.

Making waves on Facebook:

I be like “communication is the key” then put my phone on do not disturb.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Drugs don’t ruin lives. Drug tests do.

I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, getting ready for work, getting some sleep for work, or thinking about not wanting to go to work.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
Relatable on so many levels! 😂 Work-life balance: 0, Work-work balance: 100! 🏃‍♂️💼🛌

coming, daily, daily life, getting, going, home, humor, life, procrastination, ready, routine, sleep, thinking, wanting, work

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Social Media Stars ⭐

13 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m a big fan of that post-laundry feeling when you’ve got all your A-list clothes back in the game.

98 shares on Snapchat this month:

Born to be a Jedi spinning a lightsaber, forced to work full-time and pay rent.

23 shares on Instagram this month:

Every word wishes it could sound as fun as falafel.

41 shares on Facebook this month:

Thinking of starting a true crime podcast. Gotta explain this search history somehow.

44 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Follow your dreams – ideally in a field that will still require humans when you graduate.

18 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Just broke a clothes hanger and now have seven years of bad outfits.

83 shares on Pinterest this month:

To-do list: bite the hand that feeds me, put all my eggs in one basket, kill two birds with one stone, let the cat out of the bag, think inside the box, burn bridges, walk on thin ice, play with fire.

61 shares on Slack this month:

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be using humor to hide pain.

66 shares on Snapchat this month:

When I say “I’m open to feedback” I mean “I accept compliments.”

15 shares on Discord this month:

My only chance at a big house in the country is if I become a rescue dog.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m not religious, but if someone is turning water into wine, let’s take a second look.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

Once you find a pair of pants that fit you perfectly, it’s over for all your other pants.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

A thousand curses upon anyone who has ever gone, “Why are you sitting in the dark?” and then flipped the light on without asking.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

I was not prepared for my knees to sound like someone is breaking spaghetti noodles in half every time I go up the stairs.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

Breaking News: Local woman stuns in new unnecessary online purchase.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

You come from dust and you’ll return to dust, so that’s why I never dust. It could be someone I know.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

Too many losers and not enough people telling them they’re losers.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

Hello! I’m Britain’s greatest spy and my catchphrase is: I tell you my real surname, then my real forename, then my real surname again, in case you missed it.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

I find pleasure in closing tabs in my wife’s brain. This worry… done. That task… complete.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

My dad thought Siri would be more helpful finding a lemon ricotta recipe if he used an Italian accent.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on YouTube:

When you ask for your phone charger back and your teenager has the audacity to ask “what percentage are you on?”

Seen just now on TikTok:

Cats clean themselves with their little fish breath mouths, but somehow they always smell like laundry detergent, vanilla, and happiness.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

I really cannot be friends with picky eaters because it somehow always correlates to bigger problems and character flaws.

Seen just now on Threads:

Abandoned amusement parks are so creepy. It’s no wonder they were abandoned.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Asking for a cigarette, then adding it to my own pack.

Spotted on Threads:

Someone asked me how much I spend on a bottle of wine. 30 minutes was not the right answer.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

If she wants the moon, you get her the moon.

Shared recently on Threads:

I once quit a job, and when my boss asked why, I simply said, “I hate it here.” Best day of my life.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Imagine you’re on jury duty and the courtroom sketch artist draws stink lines above you.

Spotted on Messenger:

Is everything expensive or am I just poor?

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Activity Log ✨

I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, getting ready for work, getting some sleep for work, or thinking about not wanting to go to work.

Fun fact: Did you know that removing junk food from your diet can help you lose up to 90% of your will to live?

Gonna start using “with all dude respect”.

Sitting with my legs really wide to experiment with gender.

I used to mix Mountain Dew with the cheapest vodka I could find, and I called it the Blood of Mannaroth because it’s green and turns you into an orc.

If my wife and I got divorced and moved to separate states, I’m convinced I would still hear her chewing.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, getting ready for work, getting some sleep for work, or thinking about not wanting to go to work.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Fun fact: Did you know that removing junk food from your diet can help you lose up to 90% of your will to live?

An introvert walked into a bar. Just kidding. The introvert stayed home.

Gonna start using “with all dude respect”.

Sitting with my legs really wide to experiment with gender.

I used to mix Mountain Dew with the cheapest vodka I could find, and I called it the Blood of Mannaroth because it’s green and turns you into an orc.

If my wife and I got divorced and moved to separate states, I’m convinced I would still hear her chewing.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨